Days 252 to 260 I Love My Life!

20121017-230009.jpg I love my life. I don’t even know where to start telling you about why. But what I do know is that there was a little bit of guilt when I started to write this:

“I love my life.”

There’s a small voice that says I shouldn’t write that when so many others are unhappy. Like I’m bragging. Or like I’m going to make others feel bad about their life.

But that’s not why I’m talking about how much I love my life. I’m talking about it first and foremost because I want you to know that it is indeed possible to be this happy. That happiness is not elusive, or some kind of Hollywood bullshit ideal that we need to let go of. I want you to know that you should not settle, because you may be missing out on the ultimate happiness.

I have indeed settled before. And settling is sometimes a stepping stone…a way to feel safe before you take the next leap. And sometimes it is simply what we do because we’re scared to want what we really want.

I’ve been married to a perfectly cool guy and had a pretty sweet life with some travel and adventure and a beautiful home on the hilltop. I had “nothing to complain about,” except for the fact that I had a nagging feeling that there was more.

Then I felt guilty for wanting more. Like, “Girl, you grew up in the ghetto and you’re complaining about this?!”

(Guilt sucks! I’m getting better at not giving it so much power…)

In any event, I made some pretty bold decisions once I realized I was settling – and I define “settling” based on MY terms. I was settling not based on what other people wanted, because many wanted exactly what I had. Instead, I realized that I was settling because MY definition of happiness wasn’t being met. I was an unusual cookie, and my life wasn’t in alignment with ME.

Here are some of the bold moves I took once I realized I wasn’t living life to the fullest:

– Years ago, when this realization first hit, I got a divorce when I realized my partner and I no longer helped each other grow. As time went on and my need for freedom grew:
– I quit my job
– I put my awesome house on the market
– I disappointed someone who really really loved me because I knew that this time around, I wanted to choose to be with someone with whom I had NO DOUBT that we would live lives of freedom, adventure, and purpose together…with ease
– Let me say that again: I chose things to be easy in my relationship. I had lots of opportunities to be happy with a man, but work really hard at it, or have to go through so much bullshit in order to get there. I decided that was not how I wanted to roll.
– I started my own business
– I decided to move to Alaska for the true love of my life
– I committed to living Full On for 365 days in a row (the idea that spawned this blog) after I had another cancer scare (I’d already had cancer twice before). I realized that I was settling once again and wasn’t even aware – even after my previous wake up calls. Settling can be sneaky…

I also set clear intentions for the type of relationship, lifestyle, community, and spiritual evolution that I wanted, and made a commitment to myself to not settle for anything less – AND I allowed myself to be happy even before those things manifested.

Settling does not mean being content. Settling is letting go of your dreams. You can be content with life and not be settling for what you currently have.

For example, I was single, and while I longed for my soul mate, I was able to be happy while not in a relationship. I actually believe I had to reach that state before the Universe brought us together. We had to show we were ready, because any truly kick-ass relationship doesn’t require the other to be the cause/source of your happiness. That’s too much freakin’ work and responsibility for anyone who has any big plans for themselves in life. A relationship is more like the cherry on top…your playmate and partner for this wild ride called Your Life.

I do want to emphasize that getting clear about what I wanted and committing to it was paramount in manifesting my life as I love it right now. If you need to get more clear yourself and find yourself saying, “I’m not even sure about what exactly it is that I want,” or “I know what I DON’T want, but am not sure about what’s next” (great place to start, by the way!), download my free eBook. Pronto.

In any event, I want to let you know that I was also scared…but in a good, about-to-drop-off-the-rollercoaster kind of way. I also had people tell me – very nicely – that I might be making a mistake. They asked me if I was sure I wanted to do such drastic things before I was “sure” all was going to be OK.

Folks, just like waiting until you’re ready before having a baby – you are never going to be “sure” that things are going to be OK through assessing external circumstances. Being OK – feeling content, confident, “Ziji” – is an inner state of mind.

I also had to let go of my specific ideas for what I wanted, like where I wanted to live, or my specific soulmate. I held them in my mind, but focused MORE on asking for a way I would FEEL and BE in a particular scenario like a relationship (then, of course, my specific soulmate arrived;).

I had to learn how to say, “No,” because saying “No” to some things meant I was saying, “Yes!” to others.

I did deep work, reaching out to friends, mentors, my coaches (yes, I have more than one!), and immersed myself in reading and movies and experiences that fully supported my mindset and my choices.

I surrendered.

I asked for help.

So, you might be wondering:

What was the result of those bold moves and deciding that I didn’t need to settle because I was capable of making myself happy without choosing security over freedom and following my bliss?

– I accepted my Renaissance Soul instead of listening to everyone who told me, “You need to focus!” and crafted a lifestyle where I am a Life Coach, Guide, and Mentor to women all over the world; a Nurse-Midwife working in three different states; a Family Nurse Practitioner who works in remote villages and volunteers in refugee camps (I’m on a flight to Entebbe, Uganda as I write this); and an avid blogger who loves to inspire others.
– I am engaged to my soul mate (we met 12 years ago!), who proposed to me as we watched the Northern Lights dancing above us…We were lounging on the sailboat we have dry-docked on our land, surrounded by friends at our yurt as we celebrated our departure to Africa.
– I am taking prenatal vitamins with an actual intention to get pregnant instead of for fabulous hair and nails
– I live a rich lifestyle without the burden of needing “stuff” to feel abundant
– I am amply rewarded – financially and spiritually – for the work I do in all my multi-passionate jobs
– I am surrounded by a tribe of friends that also love to dance, play music, and howl at the moon
– I took five months off this year and still can afford the mortgages on my home in Oregon and my ski condo in Telluride, as well as sushi and wine and those other luxuries I adore;)
– I have a deepening relationship with my mother as I learn more and more how to let go, forgive, and trust – all of which is reinforced as I live from my heart

I am sure there is more, but that is what I wake up feeling gratitude for each day.

I write this for YOU, that you may be inspired to manifest your dreams, and actively create a life lived YOUR way. That you can say, “I know about this chick who grew up in the ghetto. She wasn’t rich or Caucasian or privileged, and she still manifested all the shizzle in life that she wanted. And she was whacky and didn’t play by the rules. She said, ‘No,’ and disappointed others and thought WAY out of the box. She didn’t always do what was safe. She took big risks and was scared, but took risks anyway. Everyone, especially her mother, thought she was crazy.”

And this I say to you:

This mean YOU CAN TOO!

Days 236 to 252 The Freedom of Realizing You Are Not “Wounded”

Full On 365It has been longer than usual since my last entry, and most of that is because my mom came all the way up to Alaska and slept in a red shack and smiled the whole time – and I owed her my full attention;)

During this time, I have been in awe at how much my relationship with my mom has changed – and how much she herself has changed.

You see, I had a lot of anger about my childhood for many years. I was uber-pissed, and for objectively good reasons. I won’t go into details, but you can imagine the myriad reasons people feel wounded and broken. However, in the end, I knew that deep down, despite their mistakes, my parents were indeed doing the best they could in the moment with what they had available to them.

So, as an adult, I had a choice to make:

1) I could keep reminding myself and my mom that things really sucked growing up and about how much she hurt me, and that I was all sensitive and defensive because of her, and that she really screwed up royally with some things. Then she’d apologize and feel shitty about herself and I’d feel guilty and all upset after re-hashing all that crap. And we’d do this over and over, as I strived to get back at her for hurting me the way she did through guilt-trips and passive aggressive behavior and not-so-passive aggressive behavior…

OR – I could stop thinking that I was deeply wounded and broken, wanting to make those feelings go away until I allowed myself to move forward...Wanting to “understand” everything and have it make sense – and have everyone understand and agree that I was wounded – before I allowed myself to be happy. I could stop that and instead…

2) Say, “Well, that sucked. Royally. But now it’s time to create my new life.”

Needless to say, after years of #1 and hanging out in therapy wondering why I was still having panic attacks, I decided to try #2. And it kicks ass.

I can’t describe the shift that happened when I stopped thinking that in order to heal, I had to wallow in the past until some magical moment when things would feel right.

I realized that insight and understanding don’t fix everything. They feel good, sure. They’re useful, sure. But what created real shift for me was changing what I DID. How I thought, how I responded, the situations I created.

It was ACTION that allowed me to grow and change…and ultimately, heal.

It was ACTION that allowed me to see myself as whole, and perfectly resourceful and creative. That I was indeed perfect as I was. Not broken. Not wounded to the core. Not in need of more therapy or days of crying to feel seen.

Action, baby.

Of course, I found therapy helpful for some things, especially learning how to notice what I was feeling, and being able to share my story with someone who wasn’t going to try to explain it away or justify things. It helped me make sense of certain memories and I felt incredibly safe sharing deeply with someone that seemed “qualified” for me to lose my shit in front of. At that time, I had very real fears of losing my mind.

But in hindsight, which is always lovely, I realize that maybe I just needed one round of that. Then I needed to get off my ass and do things differently.

I needed to create a different relationship with my mom, or walk away. The latter wasn’t an option for me, because I love her deeply.

I asked her for what I needed to hear in order to be able to forgive her. I asked that she reflect on it and come back to me if and when she felt she could say it with full sincerity. She did. And I tried letting go then and there. It was awesome!

Of course, I still get my buttons pushed and some tender spots are still there, but I realized that I could simply DECIDE to move forward!

Brilliant!

It took patience (on both our parts), and I fell into some old patterns a lot in the beginning, but I was committed to doing things differently.

Now, instead of feeling the need to hear my mom apologize every time we hang out, or to want to process something with her, we get to enjoy each other. I allowed her to do things differently. And she allowed me the same.

We allowed ourselves to grow, to change, to EVOLVE.

We are having our best years together yet, and I know it will just keep getting better.

Life is too short to be perpetually wounded or to believe you are broken. It is impossible for those to be true.

Create space and say what you need to say, feel heard by a good counselor or coach or therapist or mentor. If you feel deep emotional wounds that manifest as severe depression or other serious mood disorders, address that with a qualified therapist. But remember:

You are not broken. You may hurt – deeply – but you are not broken.

You were wounded in the past. True. Stop picking at the scabs.

Move forward. Do things differently.

Be patient.

Be compassionate – with yourself.

You. Are. Enlightened.

I bow to you. For realz.

(If you’d like to read another post about changing mindsets that are tough to change, click here)

Are you interested in taking this to a deeper level? Keep an eye out for my 2013 Freedom Sessions Mastermind. We will spend 6 months as an intimate tribe, working with our minds and inner beings methodically and metaphysically, learning what our old stories are, skills to unravel, debunk, and oust unhealthy thought patterns and beliefs, and rewriting our new life stories – making change more permanent and lasting. This helps us effectively creating the lives we desire – finally! – and we’ll be having FUN while we’re at it;) Contact me here if you’d like to learn more. It will be juicy!

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and Freedom Junkie™ She helps passionate people awaken their lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. Her monthly Freedom Junkie™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her “Full-On 365” blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FreedomJunkie.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)!

Why Adventure Is Essential To Your Evolution

This moving away from comfort and security, this stepping out into what is unknown, uncharted and shaky – that’s called liberation” ~ Pema Chodron

You should know that I have always qualified adventure as being a very personal word. My definition of adventure doesn’t have to be yours.

But to give you an idea of what I mean, consider that you can feel adventure when climbing a mountain; you can feel it overcoming a physical challenge like a marathon, or cancer; you can feel it when you risk your heart to be with your soul mate. I even feel adventure when I go to a new city, check out a new restaurant, try a new yoga pose, or learn a new skill.

Good ol’ Merriam says: (n) ad-ven-ture

1: an undertaking usually involving danger and unknown risks

2: an exciting or remarkable experience

Adventure often involves risk – but not necessarily danger. It can be very self-limiting to confuse the two.

While I don’t think danger is an essential part of spiritual evolution, I do think occasionally taking risks is. This is because what we “risk” is often as simple as losing “what is familiar” to us, and not nearly as dangerous as it initially feels. Yet being willing to risk losing the familiar can open up worlds for us.

However, keep in mind that adventure can also be as “easy” as “an exciting or remarkable experience.” Ahhhhhh….

So why exactly is adventure – and the risks we take with adventures – important to our evolution?

When we are focused on spiritual evolution (inward and outward freedom) and things get routine, our minds grows dull, and the negative thought patterns and limiting beliefs that we all have, which we work on mastering daily, are harder to break.

Things feel more permanent and real.

We think we have “proof” that they are permanent and real because nothing seems to be changing.

They appear that way because to be efficient, our brains choose – and prefer – to travel down the same neuronal pathways and do things the same way they’ve always been done. Therefore, we get the same results.

And nothing changes. Then we say, “See! That’s how things are!”

The problem – and solution – and coolest thing ever – is that things are not so permanent and “real.” When we think they are, that’s when we are not free. That’s when we think we don’t have a choice. That’s when we suffer and get stuck. That’s when we give up.

It becomes the Same. Old. Shit. Everyday.

Our brains have an inherent need to find patterns, which help them work more efficiently. Because of this, simply doing things differently feels like a risk for most of us, and we try to avoid change.

It takes energy to do things differently, and the brain naturally resists change. This was more helpful when our lives needed us to primarily be in survival mode.

It is less helpful when we are trying to evolve.

But when we remain open to change – to the fact that we have choice in our lives with not only what we do, but also in how we think – it creates new neuronal connections, new pathways that allow our thoughts and our actions to create a new life – the life we want.

Life lived your way!

Change is new, we don’t know what to expect, it feels…weird! We have lost our sense of familiarity, and we perceive it as a risk, or as unsafe.

But let’s admit it…even though it is uncomfortable, we tend to feel most alive when we are on the edge, when we are stretching ourselves. This is because when we take those risks – whether to simply try something new, or do something terrifying – we grow!

So guess what is a bona fide scientific way to help your mind be open to change, to new thought patterns, new neuronal pathways and networks…to freakin’ neogenesis of the mind!?

Trying new things.

Doing things differently. Stretching out of your comfort zone aka = Adventure.

I’m not shizzling you.

There’s a great study from the UK where they took a group of individuals and had them do several things:

      • Pick from a list of opposite characteristics every day, and BE in that opposite for a set period of time (a few hours, the whole day). For example, outgoing – shy; likes to talk sports – likes to talk philosophy; optimistic – pessimistic, etc. If you were normally outgoing, you’d spend the time that day “being” shy. If you liked to talk sports, you would spend the time brushing up on chatting about Kant or Descartes.
      • Eat a new type of food twice a week
      • Read something they’ve never read before twice a week (didn’t have to be a book)

And guess what? Over 70% of them lost 11 lbs – at least.

WTF does that have to do with anything?

The conclusion was that they lost weight because they started to realize that everything was a choice – including what and how much they ate. Some of the participants commented on how they would ask themselves why they were eating what they were, if they were actually really hungry, and if they really needed it. And not just with food. With everything.

It makes sense. Afterall, they practiced different ways of being every day, which must have opened up some new ideas about why they were choosing to be in their “normal” state of being so much.

Interestingly, this is the same theory that scientists have about one of the reasons why yoga – even non-strenuous styles of yoga – helps people lose weight. Awareness.

** When you do new things, when your mind is asked by necessity – on a regular basis – to change it up and not fall into the same pattern, it is more malleable. **

You are then open to more options in how you think, the thoughts you choose to focus on, the way you respond, and the way you choose to spend your time…

You are also likely to have less attachment (the bad kind…not the kind to Nutella!) when you don’t do the same dang thing everyday, which means you can adapt to change more readily and easily.

And remember, things are always changing. It’s resistance to it that messes us up.

Too much change can indeed be stressful. But I’m just asking you to juicy things up a bit – a little new salsa here and there, an adventure flick instead of that dark Euro drama (I can’t believe there’s a category for that on Netflix!), oh yes – even a new hanky panky move. Or hell, go to Mauritius instead of Hawaii this year!

Isn’t this all so exciting?! This means that your mind – which, in my belief, is the root of most of our suffering – is malleable, there are methods to increase your successful evolution, and it can become the source of happiness. True happiness.

You can start to eliminate the negative thoughts that run in the back of your mind all day (or on the days of heavy funk, maybe they’re more at the front of your mind). You can create new opportunities and experiences. You can feel more ALIVE and passionate about your life.

That’s good shizzle.

I guess that’s a huge reason for why Freedom Junkies do the crazy things we do. Maybe we didn’t know it when we were younger. Perhaps we thought we just didn’t want to be bored.

But now there is a better understanding of the effect new experiences have on the mind. We now have insight into the effects of new experiences on our sense of freedom, both inside and out – and the reality of that freedom as well.

When you experience how good it feels to be open to change and to not fear doings things differently, when you see glimpses into how free and FUN life is when you create daily opportunities for new things to happen, you too will become addicted to daily adventures.

We now know that adventure (done your way) it is a need, and not merely a want. At least if you want to evolve;)

So how about we make this a party?!!

Let’s get out there and do some new things. You don’t have to do what I do. Or what anyone else does. We all dance to our own drum. Do what works for you – just do something new, something differently – regularly.

Then, see how working with your mind becomes easier. You can more likely respond instead of react. “Create” instead of “fall victim to.” Choose the compassionate and skillful reaction instead of the aggressive one you’ll later feel guilty or ashamed about. Make healthier choices for you body.

Choose happiness. Oh, SNAP! The bonuses are endless!

We all need adventure. We need it to evolve ourselves – and our world. Go git you some.

Take a moment to share below what new adventures you’re going to add to your life, knowing it will help free your mind and create more freedom in the world you experience.

Note: Are you interested in taking this to a deeper level? Keep an eye out for registration for my 2015 Freedom Sessions Adventure Mastermind. We will spend the entire year as an intimate tribe, going on three amazing adventure retreats, working with our minds and inner beings methodically and metaphysically, learning what our old stories are, skills to unravel, debunk, and oust unhealthy thought patterns and beliefs, and rewriting our new life stories – making change more permanent and lasting. This helps us effectively creating the lives we desire – finally! – and we’ll be having FUN while we’re at it;) Use the contact form by clicking here if you’d like to learn more. It will be juicy!

Days 236 to 241 Slowing Down And Reconnecting With My Dad’s Spirit

Full On 365I like my hands now. I didn’t always used to. They were never long and dainty like the models’ hands that I saw in dishsoap ads growing up. They weren’t sinewy and powerful like the climber chicks’ I spent years hanging out with, either. They were…hands.  Didn’t hide ‘em. Didn’t flash ‘em. Didn’t think they looked really cool with rings on.

Once, I got a manicure and I thought they looked pretty cool, but I was 11, and even then I knew that I wasn’t going to be spending my time getting manicures. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with manicures. But with the things I do every day, a manicure would get messed up pretty quickly.

In any event, during the last few weeks, I’ve been noticing I catch a look at my hands and I think of one thing, and one thing only – my dad.

I really see my dad – who died at the age of 83 in the year 2003 – when I gaze at my hands. My mom used to comment on how she was glad I got his hands. She liked how they weren’t bony, or too rough. He played the acordion and the harmonica. His hands were musical. He wasn’t much of a handyman, but he could hug. Big time.

I’ve been spending the last 3 weeks on the Island of St. Paul in the Pribilofs, a remote archipelago in the Bering Sea off the coast of Alaska. I usually scatter some of his ashes when I go someplace cool – someplace where I think he would have liked to have gone with me. He was an older dad and so by the time I had discovered the outdoors, his mobility was decreased by age and cardiovascular disease (or shall I say, 60 years of smoking?) and he couldn’t come with me on many adventures that I would have liked to have brought him on. But I forgot his ashes this time.

Perhaps that I why I finally saw him so vividly in my own body. I had a need to share all this with him on a physical level, and it wasn’t until now – at 39 years old – that I saw how much of him was a part of me. I suppose 50%, to be exact. But I didn’t get it until now.

I smile deeply as I watch the fur seals at their rookeries on St. Paul and think of how he used to marvel at even starfish, gazing at them and running his fingers along their legs.

When I pause to watch the wind waves that form in the tall grasses as they are blown in every which direction, I recall how he used to ask me to pause when I pushed his wheelchair under a grove of old growths in MuirWoods and say, as he gazed up at the suns rays peeping through the branches and took hold of my hand, “This…this is my cathedral.”

As I hang out in the clinic laughing boisterously with my patients in the waiting room, people wondering why I was hanging out there and not in my office, and chatting with teenage girls about their sex lives (in private!) and asking them questions that bring a look of shock to their faces, I remember my dad pretending to be a squirrel in a park once, looking really stupid but making me laugh so hard. He didn’t care what people thought. He just wanted ME to be happy. And that taught me a big lesson early on in the importance of not caring about what people thought of you if it meant compromising your values. That gave me courage to do things that may seem inappropriate or uncomfortable for the greater good.

Living Full On these past few weeks has been a lot about slowing down, breathing, paying attention – to my heart, my head/thoughts, my body, my friends, my partner…the guides that exist in all forms around me.

I’m glad I slowed down enough to look at my hands long enough to recognize my dad in them. I wonder what else I’ve been missing?

Have you noticed anything lately from slowing down? If you’ve been going going going, what do you think you might be glancing over without knowing?

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and Freedom Junkie™ She helps passionate people awaken their lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. Her monthly Freedom Junkie™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her “Full-On 365” blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting anaverzone.com

Living As If Someone Is Watching (like your boyfriend’s friends)- The Value of Integrity

Days 224 to 235 – Living As If Someone Is Watching (like your boyfriends friends)- The Value of Integrity

Men are watching me. You see, I interviewed a lot of men because I’m teaching this relationship workshop in October, AND I have a free Jedi Juice call on maintaining your moxie with a man next week (Tuesday to be exact). I wanted both of these things to be uber-valuable, so I put together all the relationship books I’ve read, research, coaching pearls, and my interviews with oddles of men into a badass place at Freedom Junkie.

But now all these guys know about it because I’ve interviewed them or their friends. Including my boyfriend.

And they are saying to me they are really excited about it, because when I talk about what I teach, it is right on (of course! my peeps deserve right on!). Including my boyfriend. They want women to know these things (and to be fair, they admit they needed to learn some of the things too;).

So, as the Universe would have it, of course these last two weeks have been more challenging dealing with my shizzle. And I swear “they” are watching how I deal with it.

They listen to me express my vulnerabilities, either through listening directly (one amigo is visiting us out here in the Pribilofs), or maybe if Thai talks about it, or maybe if a girlfriend I talk to talks about it to her boyfriend who is Thai’s friend.

Of course, the degree to which that is actually happening is likely an exaggerated story too. Men actually don’t talk about that type of stuff that much to each other. But still, it affects how I feel and act. And they are genuinely curious as to if this shit actually works.

My classic vulnerability that you’ve heard a lot here is, “Right now I am not feeling very special in this relationship.” Which stems from comparisons and making up stories about my past and my boyfriend’s past etc. It’s exhausting when it happens – but over time leaves faster and faster after it visits. Thank goddess.

So now I am called forth to walk the talk even more. I thought I did that already most of the time (I think it is fairly impossible to do it all the time), but now I am feeling it even more because (gulp) people are watching what I teach!

It feels like pressure in some moments, but it is really a gift. I think it is one of the biggest gifts that coaching has given me – an even stronger desire to act in integrity.

It’s one thing to claim ignorance and make mistakes and say, “Oops!” It’s a little different when you know how to avoid it and do it anyway. Both, however, still warrant compassion (from others and ourselves).

In any event, the other day, I expressed my completely irrational vulnerability, owned it, stated I knew it was a story and that I had to get over it, but in the meantime, I needed more patience because it was going to take a bit more time. Our amigo heard it too. Then the two of them when on a hike and I thought for sure they’d decide I was a crazy woman by the time they got back. But they returned from the hike and my boyfriend said how he loved me even more than before he left, and our amigo asked me more details about what I was teaching and was genuinely interested. So I guess they didn’t think I was a freak for having had an irrational moment.

See – it’s not that others don’t want you to be perfect or not have irrational feelings. They mostly just don’t want you to blame them for it;)

Each time this B.S of not feeling like a special partner comes up, I don’t necessarily feel it less. Sometimes I feel it with a fury and it pisses me off that I still feel it that strongly. And sometimes it is indeed a softer experience. But ya know what? I get better at dealing with it. Each time, I can separate my story from the facts more quickly, which helps me get over it more fully since I can see the role I had in creating the problem to begin with. I can step back. I can observe.

Hell, I even crack myself up with my shizzle a lot of the time!

I also learn to meet my needs and wants more (and knowing the difference). When I feel it, I ask, ” What is this emotion trying to teach me about what I need/want more of right now?” Do I need to have more hugs today? More sex? A nice dinner cooked for me? Do I need to cry and still be loved fully so I feel safe? Then I ask for it. I try not to complain. I make a request.

Full On 365And, I remind myself I have all I need in myself to meet those needs if I’m not getting much help otherwise. Which releases those around me from a huge responsibility.

I think that other than learning how to re-write bullshit stories into new and more awesome ones (and watching the newer stories unfold), learning to love myself and feel inner radiant confidence in myself (ziji!) has been the other great lessons on this path. Combined, they truly do lead to more freedom – and FUN!

So go ahead and be imperfect. Just don’t blame others for feeling like shit. Whether people are watching or not, act so you can be proud in how you show up and respond (and if they are watching, show them exactly how badass you are;)

(In terms of other full-on activities for the week, check out this windstorm video …and that pick above is of an awesome beach with tons of seal on a gorgeous day in the Pribilofs 😉

 

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and Freedom Junkie™ She helps passionate people awaken their lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. Her monthly Freedom Junkie™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her “Full-On 365” blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FreedomJunkie.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)!

Freedom Starts Here – The Freedom Junkie™ Jump Start Package

Ana Neff - Transformational Coach, Guide, and MentorYou Know You’re a Freedom Junkie™ if you want to:

  • Take back control of your time, money, and energy and finally have the freedom you’ve been craving
  • Wake up excited for each day
  • Live with purpose, knowing what you are meant to do in your life and doing it with passion
  • Tap into THE FLOW more often
  • Sustain your energy, and bounce back faster when life’s waves knock you down every now and then
  • Connect more fully and authentically with the people in your life
  • Have fewer regrets, knowing that you’re making the most of each day, each connection, and each of your gifts and your potential

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If you are one of those {passionate} badasses that craves a life of freedom, adventure, and purpose, hang out here for a bit (or more), because you have found your tribe, and I am so glad your’re here!

I’m Ana Neff, Founder and Creator of this über-special corner of the web you’ve found called Freedom Junkie. Join me and other peeps like you and learn to Free Your Mind and Free Your Life™.

How do we do that? I help you learn skills (aka Jedi Mind Tricks) to help you get out of your own way – which is the only thing in the way between life as you know it, and a life of freedom. By reading our posts and participating in our tribe, as well as getting in on the free Jedi Juice calls, you can learn how to permanently alter your limiting mindsets and beliefs, and cultivate radiant inner confidence (aka Ziji). And let me tell you: it is absolutely scrumptious to experience.

One of the first steps to living a life of freedom is getting clear about what you want. Without clarity, your time, money, and energy are wasted as you work towards things that don’t really serve your ultimate goals, dreams, and visions. So while you’re here, get started now, and begin creating – and LIVING – Life On YOUR Terms. Receive my FREE Getting Clear eBook by signing up over there ->

 

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Badass on a Budget Part II – Essential Freedom Junkie® Road Trip Tips

“They danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I’ve been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn…” – Jack Kerouac, On the Road

Road trips are the shizzle – especially when it comes to budget travel – and after my last trip across the desert, I decided to add a Part II to Badass on a Budget (BOAB) and dedicate one to helping you take the Epic Road Trip. In addition to road trips being completely badass, when you’re craving an adventure and are tight on money, a road trip is truly in order.

In fact, I like to road trip a LOT, and it is often my first go-to for an adventure – not just a fallback for when I can’t get a plane ticket somewhere (perhaps you – like me- may also have a hard time planning ahead to score those low-priced plane tickets?). Good for last-minute trips. Easy to pack. Freedom galore.

However, with the price of gas these days, road tripping can seem not-so-budget-oriented. Once, I even found a plane ticket from Southern Oregon to San Francisco that was only $25 more than it would have cost me to buy gas to drive there and back (5.5 hours one way). Still, if you do it right, road-tripping is an easy and affordable way to go. And don’t worry – I’ve added lots of gas-saving tips below.

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Freedom Junkie Tip #1

  • Pack light and tight. This may seem like common sense (the more your car weighs, the better gas mileage you’ll get). However, it can be easy to say, “Ah, what the hell – there’s room. Toss it in!” I have been guilty of this often. I spent so many years on light alpine climbing trips where I would go so far as to break the handle off my toothbrush to save weight (every ounce counts!). The idea of driving makes me salivate at all the heavy things I could bring: canned goods, a ROLL of toilet paper (including the cardboard center!), beer (lots of it), bottles of wine, coolers full of fresh veggies…Alas, it all adds up, amigo. So, treat yourself well, but don’t go overboard.

In addition, BULK can be a pain in the ass to sift through and it feels crowded, cramping your style. Try to pact compact, taking smaller things than bulkier things when given the choice (like compress your bedding into a compression stuffsack). Also keep things you will need throughout the drive easily accessible right behind the driver and passenger seats (water bottles, snacks, camera, foot massager…)

Freedom Junkie Tip #2

  • Eat well and drink fluids (even if it means you pee more). Riding the shirttails of the previous item, I want to make sure you take care of yourself even though you’re trying to not bring too much. Pack healthy snacks so you can at least feel good about what’s going into your body while you sit on your ass for hours at a time. Have a small cooler easily accessible with fresh snacks, as well as healthy fun drinks like fizzy water (my personal fave). I like fruits (but overly-juicy ones make too much of a mess sometimes), all-natural potato chips which are my weakness so thank god they put all-natural in front so I can forget how bad they are for me (yup, that means ONLY naturally simple carbs fried in healthy FAT and salt, yo ;)), snap peas, cheese and crackers and olives…

Freedom Junkie Tip #3

  • Try to fill your gas before you try to leave town, like the night before or earlier in the day. Packing up and having to stop after 5 minutes in the car to fill up is such a buzzkill, and drops the momentum.

Freedom Junkie Tip #4

  • Having said THAT, pay attention to the days you fill up if you have a choice: Gas prices don’t just seem to go up around holidays and long weekends – they really DO rise! Sneaky buggers. So don’t wait until Thursday night to fill up for a Memorial or Labor Day weekend trip. Fueling up can also be more expensive on weekends, so load up midweek.

PS: Did I say, “Try not to road trip on long weekends?” When the rest of the freakin’ country is roadtripping? Yeah. Don’t. Bad idea. Unless you like trapping your companion for forced hours of conversation at a standstill. I know some women who use this tactic for “important talks.” Don’t let that be you. On either end.

Freedom Junkie Tip #5

  • Bring good tunes. I cannot emphasize this enough. BRING GOOD TUNES. I also like to bring awesome audiobooks (comedy, spiritual/personal growth, adventure, best-sellers) and podcasts. You can stream Pandora or something similar in places where you get good reception, but on most roads worth tripping on, your cell won’t work. You can also consider a satellite radio subscription, but I’m guessing that if you’re a Baddass on a Budget, that’s probably one you could do without. Also, local radio can be AWESOME! There are often completely whacky characters and songs you haven’t ever heard…or haven’t heard in a long time. On the other hand, local boondock radio is often filled with religious propaganda which is cool if you’re into that.

Freedom Junkie Tip #6

  • Which brings me to my next point: consider having a calling card with you on longer trips for places where your cell won’t work. You may need to make calls in a pinch for breakdowns, money transfers (I hope not!), or to notify your friends of the bootleg Burning Man fest you just found in New Mexico that they MUST come to.

Freedom Junkie Tip #7

  • Stop to stretch once in awhile. If all you’re doing is driving 4-5 hours a day, you can bust it out with one or two pee stops. However, on longer trips, I recommend getting out every 3 hours to stretch and hydrate and feel the air/elements outside. It helps keep you from becoming a zombie. A frisbee is nice for a few minutes too! Having said that, if you stop at all – to get gas, take a picture, etc – pee. Try to pee at every stop or you make need the following:

Freedom Junkie Tip #8

  • Have a pee bottle. I’m serious. I know you think it may be gross, but every serious road-tripper has used one. If you’re in a van (I LOVE vans!) or larger-sized vehicle, us women can use these easily too! I have a large pee bottle with a wide mouth for emergencies, like being stuck in traffic for hours with nowhere private to go, or simply because we are in a flow and it would be a bummer to stop. Once mastered, the pee bottle is not a put-off. Good bottles for women have a low center of gravity and a wide mouth, like pickle jars. LABEL so someone doesn’t think it is pickle juice. For men, well, they just need to be able to insert their thang. I like it to be at least a liter in size. The jar. Not the thang. You’d be amazed at how much pee you can hold.

Freedom Junkie Tip #9

Go with the flow. Have a general plan for where you’re going, but be open to taking side roads. A road trip on major highways isn’t so romantic or adventurous, so be sure to take backroads when you can (at least once in awhile), and make sure they are pretty/wild in nature. Get a good gazeteer/road atlas that shows “scenic routes.” There are backroads that suck. Badly. If you take a backroad, look ahead on the map for “escape routes” if it isn’t as groovy as you thought it would be.

See something pretty? Stop! See a cool turnoff? Check it out! Did you pull over to pee and decide this was going to be the best sunset ever? Stay! Camp there! Hang out! Allow some cushion days for unexpected adventures, and hell, be ready to toss your plans completely for that bootleg Burning Man fest you found!

Freedom Junkie Tip #10

  • Know the weather. Don’t take a backroad in winter unless you KNOW it is maintained. Many a tragedy has happened from people failing to do this, like the Silicone Valley family who’s father perished in Oregon after they took a side-road in winter (which was closed and unmaintained) and got stuck in a storm.

Freedom Junkie Tip #11

  • Be prepared. Have a roadside assist service. For realz, I am NOT kidding, you MUST have this. I have used this more than any other kind of insurance I buy. It has saved my ass. Mine came with my car insurance. Make sure it has GOOD coverage. AAA is obviously good. I have USAA which has been awesome as well.

Have all your documents in one spot. Make sure you have recent copies of car insurance, registration, driver’s license, and roadside assist numbers. If you’re going to get pulled voer, might as well get it over with quickly and not offer any reasons to shuffle around your car and expose something untoward at a bad time.

Make sure you have: jumper cables, know how to change a tire (on the car you’re using for this trip), carry a plug kit for smaller punctures (I am SOOOO happy I started doing this!), ideally have your spare on rims and be a normal tire size so you can drive farther without damaging your car. Have water, sleeping bags, extra fuel (1-2 gallons depending on your car), a campstove and pot, lighter/matches, and emergency food and warm clothes. Also, beware at pullouts for things that put holes in your tires. Sharp rocks and nails more easily puncture your tires when you rapidly pull into a pullout.

Freedom Junkie Tip #12

  • Clean out your car at every gas stop. And check your oil too. You’ll appreciate having done both.

Freedom Junkie Tip #13

  • Don’t speed. Getting pulled over is such a buzzkill. And speeding uses more gas (55mph is the ideal for gas mileage). I use cruise control set for just a teeny bit above the speed limit because I am just feisty that way. If I don’t use cruise control, I have this leadfoot that has me thinking I am going 70 mph and really it is nearing 90. Yikes! Not even trying to speed!

Freedom Junkie Tip #14

  • Divide and conquer. Have a driver and a navigator. A car chef who is good at making car snacks and feeding everyone, an assigned DJ, etc. I often give the driver the right to choose the music. Use your strengths and your desires. You don’t “have” to equally share the driving if one of you likes it more. My partner often drives and I feed him. It works.

Freedom Junkie Tip #15

  • Choose your sidekick(s) wisely. Complainers suck. People who “should” all over you suck (“You should have turned left; See, I told you that you should have eaten that mystery meat on a stick so you wouldn’t be hungry now; You should have told me you didn’t love me”). Oy vey.

In general, good roadtrip partners are easy-going/go with the flow, are funny, willing to do random things, enjoy challenges and find them stimulating, are relatively low-maintenance when it comes to feeling “comfortable,” and are people you can be comfortable NOT talking to for awhile. People who want to constantly talk on a roadtrip can make the event exhausting. Good roadtrip companions also automatically chip in for gas and toll booths. Sweet etiquette says that the car owner doesn’t have to pay for gas in a party of 4 or more on longer trips because they are “paying” through wear and tear. In any event, a good balance of personalities needs to be there. If you don’t have all the above characteristics, make sure that together, you do;)

Bonus Freedom Junkie Gas Tips

If you’re SUPER anal about gas, here are a few more trips I discovered that I thought you’d like:

  • Don’t stop and start – accelerating from a standstill requires extra fuel. Try to coast to the light and reach it as it turns green – without coming to a full stop. You’ll get really into this eventually. GasBuddy.com will help you find the best deals for gas while you’re on the road. Do this in advance if you’ll be in areas without cell service. Fuelfrog.com will track your mileage over the long haul.
  • Buy higher octane gas, which tends to get better mileage, especially for older vehicles. BTW – higher octane gas tends to be cheaper in larger towns than smaller ones.
  • Coast downhill in neutral. I can’t advocate going so far as to turn off your car engine, which would have you lose control of stuff like braking (!!!), but get into neutral and coast, baby. I did it in Hawaii coming down Mauna Kea when we were almost empty. Awesome.
  • Don’t overfill the tank, cuz gas can slosh around and escape. Did you know that every year 147 million gallons of fuel vaporize from tanks in the U.S.? Crazy! Click that gas cap – at least three times!
  • Bring more people! Split the gas. Balance this with being crowded and having fun being more important than saving a few bucks.
  • Drive when it’s cooler outside. Cooler, denser air can increase power and mileage. Hit the road early in the morning or later in the evening when the temperature drops, especially in the summer. You’ll save on air-conditioning costs too. Having said that...
  • This I didn’t believe, but Travel and Leisure magazine swears it is true: Use the AC. “A few years back the advice was the opposite: turn the air off and open the windows. Because air conditioners are more efficient, they now cause less drag on the engine than driving with the windows down.” Alrighty then!
  • Lastly, if you’re super broke, become a billboard. For realz. There are companies like freecarmedia.com and freegashelp.com that hook companies up with drivers that then receive a few hundred dollars a month (in either cash or a gas card). I think its quite epic to pull off, and I rather dislike ads, but hey – sometimes, you gotta do what you gottta do!

I hope that helps, Freedom Junkies! Now get out there and have an adventure!

This list wasn’t exhaustive, so please add your own tips below. I’d also love to hear: What was YOUR favorite road trip adventure? One of my faves was driving through the desert from Oregon to Telluride, Colorado…mmmmmmmm. Please share your juice with us!

Days 214 to 223 The Multi-Passionate Life and Refusing to Choose

Hey now, I need you to read something, because when I read it myself for the first time, I thought, “Holy shizzle. I freakin’ KNEW it!” :

“You are the owner of a remarkable, multi-talented brain trying to do its work in a world that doesn’t understand who you are and doesn’t know why you behave as you do.”- Barbara Sher, Refuse to Choose.

I know, right? Home sweet home!

The above quote is an excerpt from Barbara Sher’s book about “multi-passionate” people, Refuse to Choose. Some examples of multi-passionates are people like Leonardo DaVinci who was a scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, painter, sculptor, architect, musician, and writer; or Mary Somerville who wrote on astronomy, mathematics, physics, chemistry, mineralogy, and geology; or perhaps you, who might be a yogini massage therapist who also had a stint in acupuncture school then worked as a nurse and as an international climbing guide…oh wait, that’s kinda me…

In any event, when I discovered the term multi-passionate, this term that explained me and my wild ways in a strikingly positive light, I almost cried. I have had so many passions and managed to piece them together in a mandala of sorts that works for me. Even though I have a truly amazing life, for most of it I often felt judged. I felt like people thought I was lazy, or scattered, a dilettante, Jack of All Trades (Master of None), unable to focus…”Why can’t she just pick one thing and stick to it?”

In fact, years ago, I walked in on one of my exes searching the internet for a diagnosis of me. Of ME! He was a surgeon, and surely there must have been a reason that I chose not to spend 10+ years in school as well. He decided I likely had ADD. Um, except I didn’t. People with ADD can’t maintain relationships, they crash their cars, they can’t focus, etc.

I, on the other hand, had the following resume (and thank you, Tia Sparkles, for inspiring me to share my resume):

1991-1996 – Outdoor Recreation Instructor/Leader

1992-2004 – Professional Alpine Mountaineering Guide in the US and internationally

1991 – 1996 – Official campus New York Times paper girl

1996-2002 – Professional Massage Therapist with my own practice as well as working for others as an independent contractor

2004-present – Family Nurse Practitioner

2008-20010 – Yoga Instructor

2007-present – Certified Nurse Midwife

20010 – present – Certified Professional Co-Active Coach and Freedom Junkie (I do this more now that the medical stuff, but I just LOOOOOOOVE catching babies and being fascinated by the human body. There is a lot to be passionate about within both coaching and the medical field, so they keep me quite content;)

Notice the aforementioned mandala of careers which overlap so I can do things my way. Not once did I just have one job. Total time in full-time jobs (during which I still had other stimulating jobs, mostly entrepreneurial)? 5 years. Not bad after 39 years in the USA submerged in the Protestant Work Ethic that founded this country.

I, my dears, have laser focus. I can obsess day and night about something for a really long time. Years even. While ’tis true that many multi-passionates also have ADD (and its associated co-morbidities), it wasn’t attention decifit that I had, darlin’. But more on that later. And yes, I left that relationship.

It also wasn’t that I did many things and sucked at them and got distracted. Au contraire, mon amie. Quite the opposite: I made sure to get into the best schools for everything I studied, and get very competitive jobs (here and internationally) and excel, start my own businesses and thrive, yada yada. Quite simply, what tended to happen was that once I felt I got quite good/knowledgeable at something, this “hideous thing” reared its ugly head which I – as an only and often lonely child – vowed to never experience on a regular basis if my lil’ ol’ self had anything to do with it: BOREDOM (gasp!).

So here is what usually happens with a multi-passionate (aka polymath):

  • You notice that bright shiny object (aka new passion)
  • Then uber-obsession kicks in and you think about it all the freakin’ time
  • Take a deep breath and dive in, baby. Learn all you can. Swim in that shizzle.
  • Start doing said thang
  • And eventually, once you got this/learned “enough,” you may ditch it, quickly finish it up/get it over with, or add another passion to the list

Below are other characteristics of multi-passionates that I’ve gathered from some of my reading lately. See if they apply to you or someone you know:

Multi-passionates love to learn.

Multi-passionates read widely in divergent and not-always-complementary disciplines. Like how what I’m reading now ranges from a revisiting of Martha Beck’s Steering By Starlight, Michael Benavov’s Men of Salt, about a man’s journey along the Sahara’s ancient salt trade route, and the Green Journal of the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology. Seriously. However, as Susan Reid puts it,  “The natural tendency to do so is often what brings about the formulation of brilliant discoveries, new applications, and luminous collaborations.” Word up, yo.

Multi-passionates are badass master mixers/synthesizers. Duh! We know a lot about a lot! They can bring together seemingly disparate ideas and thoughts in remarkable ways.

Multi-passionates have the ability to focus on a given topic for a long period— wait: caveat – that is, as long as is necessary to learn what they need to know. Then they move on. This powerful focus is not to the exclusion of everything else. Rather, it is a stepping-stone to the next thing!

Multi-passionates kick ass at generating ideas. They think conceptually first.

Whew! So there you have it. You’re fine just the way you are.

Oh wait! One more thing: Lots of us multi-passionates freak out about having to choose one thing. The point here? To let you know you don’t have to choose one thing. You can create a mandala like I did, fitting in multiple passions at once. You can drop into one passion for awhile and then move on to the next when you’re ready. Don’t worry about “having” to pick one. Lots of us think we’ll get stuck in one particular thing. You don’t have to, OK? Like the title of Barbara Sher’s book, Refuse to Choose. Go head and pick up a copy for some basic tips on how to eactly do that, or contact me for some multi-passionate coaching!

I’d love to hear if there are more of you multi-passionates out there. Pray do tell in the comments area below. How have you made multi-passionism work for you, or what has been your biggest challenge around it? My guess is many of us Freedom Junkies can totally relate to this concept;)

Full On 365Alright. Now that I’ve gotten off my soapbox about that, what has this lady been doing the past 9 days to live Full On? Well, we finished building the bathhouse and almost finished the chick shack, had a party at the yurt, caught babies for a couple of days, created my new upcoming workshop called (guess!) The Chick Shack, where kickass women will gather to talk all things relationship (keep an eye out for more!).

Now I am in the Pribilof Islands (aka The Galapagos of The North) for 3 weeks. Here, I will be helping to serve the wonderful people in this local village, do some coaching (yay internet/skype!), finish prepping for my workshop, make a list for to-dos before my 2+ months Africa trip, meditate, do yoga, and stop PMS-ing which is getting soooooo old for me right now;) I am on the island of St. Paul, which is the home of the largest fur-seal colony in the world, and also hosts 2 million birds. Yup.

Full On juicy, I say!

Below are some pics of this stunning place (and this is only Day 2 here!). For a cool video of a fur seal talking, click here. And tell me below – is this where Chewbacca got his voice?

10-4. Over and out.

local Russian Orthodox church
St. Paul
on the road out to the fur seal rookeries

 

beautiful crabpots and yes, you probably saw this island on “Deadliest Catch”

 

Note: Ana Neff is a life coach, guide and Freedom Junkie™ She helps passionate people awaken their lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. Her monthly Freedom Junkie™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her “Full-On 365” blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FreedomJunkie.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)!

Days 200 to 213 Loving Getting Older

the motley crew on Tustumena Glacier

This has been my birthday month, and I have just turned 39 awesome years old! For the 5 weeks after my birthday and before my boyfriend’s, it appears I am robbing the cradle – or maybe just borrowing from the cradle – when he says he is 37, which sounds like 2 years younger, hee hee;) I quite revel in it.

It has been important to me to spend my birthday in the mountains. I have been in the mountains in one way or another every August since I was 18. However, last year, when I went to the Palisades in the Sierra Nevada and my bestie, Kristen Cates, and I frolicked in alpine lakes and scrambled up glaciers wearing Chacos sandals, I realized I fill my cup most when I am with my girlfriends in the big mountains. Suffice it to say, Kristen graced me with her presence by flying to Alaska for a couple of weeks. It was awesome!

After she left (and after our adventures of sailing, hiking, crossing cable bridges over rivers, yoga in the forest, etc) my friends Monty, Ole, and my boyfriend Thai and I went to the Tustumena Glacier and explored this area on the Kenai Peninsula, accessing the infamous Harding Icefield and making out way to Truuli Glacier. It was epic! We took an armada of boats to a seasonal island (otherwise an isthmus) in Tustamena Lake where 10 of us hung out together for the eve. We grilled halibut on the top of the wood burning stove and played music late into the night…and the cabin was a surprise! An uber- nice blessing for sure.

Only two of the boats were “sea worthy” enough to make it through the rough waters of the rest of the lake traverse the next day (I think the lake is near 25 miles long!). This left 8 of us at the base of the Tustumena Glacier, where we cooked moose meat loaf (!!!) over a fire, and had other amazing meals as well. Yes, we had more than one meal in less than 6 hours. It was awesome. In fact, we may have had three meals.

The next day, our friends Don, Burt, Shane, and his son, Simon, dropped us off at the mouth of Tustumena Creek, and we hiked up to the base of the glacier. It was gorgeous! But seemingly impassable. Steep rock walls lined the sides of the glacier, and at the base was its terminal lake and steep ice fins and ice walls, with the lake filled with icebergs and silty slush.

Well, I lied. We did have the option of bushwhacking at least a mile, through the usual Alaskan up-and-down terrain, which takes hours in the thick alder. We were up for it…but mañana.

But wait! Thai says, “OR, I can get energized and run back to basecamp and get the packrafts and we can paddle around and find a way to get onto the glacier. Maybe.”

That sounded way better! For us at least. What took us 4 hours one way took Thai 2.5 hours round trip. He ran most of the way, and slept well that night. (The pic of the lake at the base of the glacier is above).

A bit of perspective on paddling around icebergs in the terminal lake

The next morning, we loaded two to a packraft and explored, finding one finger of morraine at which we thought we could safely dismount the packrafts and get onto the glacier. It worked! Shuttling the gear took another 2 hours, then we were off towards the Harding Icefield and Truuli Peak. The packrafts saved us hours. Love them! And Thai;)

I’ll keep the story short: it was freakin’ gorgeous! We had epically good weather (rained once and we were asleep most of the time), and the views were utterly spectacular. Truuli looks stout. We would definitely need better alpine gear as we were only prepared for a snow-slope or moderate ridge options, of which there were neither. Two of us had Kahtoola microspikes which were THE gear of choice for this trip. The others had less-than-ideal crampons and we all agreed the Kahtoolas rocked for glacier travel and even some moderate slopes for experiences peeps.

We ate like divas (sorry guys) and had warm soups for lunch, and scrumptious dinners, and even an Asian coconut custard birthday cake for Ole. That’s a long story.

On the way out the boys did a little sheep hunting. Sited six, but they were too small. I was somewhat thrilled about that. I scattered my dad’s ashes in the most surreal of places, spots where lush alpine tundra meets views of the stark and dramatic Harding Icefield, and another where two glorious glaciers parted like a frozen sea past the rock outcrop we were camped on, above an ephemeral lake jumbled with blocks of ice, like the eddy of the glacier if ice could indeed swirl in geologic slow-motion.

There’s more, but this is my “Full On 365” blog, and not an Outdoor Magazine article, so I’ll save more juiciness for another time.

Suffice it to say: it rocked my world. The whole month. All the people in my life. My boyfriend. My mom. My friends. My family. My self.

Indeed, myself. I am glad – and even a bit proud – to know I am still adventuring, and also still growing spiritually. Life is amazing. I truly love my life.

During this month, I have to admit I did notice that I wasn’t 24 anymore. And not all of that is bad.

Here’s what I notice is different now that I am 39 years old that is a little inconvenient:

  • I seem to need more sleep. I used to feel “fine” after 5-6 hours now and then. Perhaps what it really means is I expect more out of how I show up in the world, and that requires a cup that is more full
  • I need to stretch and do yoga. Before it just felt good and I thought of it as a great part of my workout. Now I neeeeeed it.
  • Slower metabolism.
  • Coffee gives me worse panic attacks than ever. I am learning to love tea more and more.
  • I have to hear, “OMG you SO don’t look 39! You look, like, 32 at the most!” all the time. As if I was supposed to be haggard at 39. As if the possibility of someone being youthful in their late 30s is such a shock to a 20-something who you also have to talk to all night and keep hearing, “I can’t believe you’ve done so much! Oh, I keep forgetting you’re SO MUCH older than me!” Funny thing is I used to do (kinda) the same thing. Karma’s a bitch. I know, I know…if I really had my shit together I’d see all that as true compliments. But its rather like saying to someone, “Oh! You’re still skinny! You’re supposed to be fat by now.”

Things I like about getting older that are freakin’ awesome:

  • I like to read before bed
  • I have a growing acceptance of doing nothing and feeling good about it
  • I am less controlled by a need to impress others
  • Sex keeps getting better. Who EVER knew!!!! Yay!
  • I am happier
  • I have more skills with which to help others
  • I am still sexy and pretty and am growing into my womanhood more and more, with grace
  • I am more in love than I have ever been. Ever.
  • I trust the Universe
  • I am a better person
  • My body’s new “needs” keep me aware of how I treat it, and I take care of it better and better
  • My friends are still around, and still love me and celebrate me – and they know me even better!
  • I have a better understanding of my shit and how to deal with it
  • I have a better understanding that we all have our shit, and how to help others deal with theirs
  • …and more
Thai started building this woodshed while I wrote this blogpost. No shit. In like, minutes.

If you ever fear getting older, don’t. Take care of your body, your soul and your mind. Show up in the world with integrity and compassion. Do the right thing. Have fun! It gets better. For realz!

BTW to the left is a photo of what my boyfriend did while I wrote this blog post. Men are awesome;)

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and Freedom Junkie™ She helps passionate people awaken their lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. Her monthly Freedom Junkie™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her “Full-On 365” blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FreedomJunkie.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)!

Days 190 to 199 Full On Hormonal Plus An Embarrassing Story

this is us with the cabin behind…after I realized i was being silly;)

Arrrgh!!!! I am going to share an embarrassing story.

To make the history of this embarrassing story short, I’ll let you know in brief that my partner and I are madly in love, I am utterly at peace and feel safe with him, we have crazy adventures, laugh hysterically, meditate, do yoga together, build things, communicate like adults with respect and depth, and are uber-committed. And it took 12 years for us to finally be together. This means that in those 12 years, he dated other people. And so did I. But the important thing is that he did;) At least for this story.

When you don’t marry your high school sweetheart, you have to realize they have done lots of cool shit with lots of other women that, and yes, this is redundant – weren’t you. At least if they’re a cool guy.

For those of you following my posts, you know that in only the past 10 months, my man and I have been to something like 7 countries and 12 states. So, imagine if you will, what he did with OTHER women during 12 years. Holy shit, right?

Many times each day, I hear a story about an adventure he’s had. I stopped asking with whom because I noticed that when it was with an ex of his, this totally irrational jealousy rose up. Not towards whatever ex it was per se, but more like a sadness that we didn’t get to share it together. Then I feel this kind of shittiness that sucks. I suppose there probably isn’t a type of shittiness that doesn’t suck, but that’s beside the point. It’s a shittiness about feeling shitty about it in the first place. And a shittiness wondering why it wasn’t me.

There are VERY logical answers to why it wasn’t me. I’ll spare you the many details, but one was because, oh…I was married. But anyway, I could have been married to HIM right?! I know. It’s dumb. But bear with me.

So, we are in the Alaskan backcountry, and he has been in the Alaskan backcountry with his girlfriends who didn’t even live in the freakin’ US like – everywhere you can see when you stand around and look at Alaska. Seriously. Like even little teeny islands in Alaska, in the middle of nowhere. He gets shit done and gets his women out there.

this is the bridge!

We arrived at a cabin very special to him. And no, I wasn’t the first girlfriend there. But whatever. I let go of it. Then he says, “I’ve never crossed that cable bridge. Let’s do it later.” And I’m like, “Holy shit! Something he hasn’t done! With ANYONE else! Yay yay yay!

I am disproportionately excited for this cable crossing.

So another friend arrives and he says he is going to orient him to the area and make sure the cable bridge is up. I go and read a book about finding your true destiny.

I read a long fucking time. Like an hour.

I go to see what’s up and guess what? He crossed the fucking bridge with our friend to see if it was worth it! They decided it was.

I was livid. Inside. I even did a Seinfeld’s Elaine, “Get out!” kind of shove. Then he says he’s sorry, that he’s still doing it with me the first time and I’m like, “NO YOU’RE NOT! THAT’S THE WHOLE FREAKIN’ POINT!”

And to boot – the other side? A fucking waterfall with a rope swing. No shit (photo above). We could have discovered it together and he could have pushed me on it as we gasped in awe when we stumbled upon it and my hair would wave in the breeze and I cold swim in the waters all Paradise Found-like. But no. He saw it with Scott.

Rather anticlimactic when you’ve freakin’ already seen it!!!!

Poor guy. He couldn’t have known that crossing that bridge meant more to me than just crossing that bridge. He couldn’t have known that I felt like something was taken from me.

I say things like, “I hear all day where you went with so and so, and how cool your trip with so and so was, and how epically beautiful that place was you went to with so and so, and everywhere we go you’ve been with some so and so or another and I just wanted one freakin’ thing to do with you that you hadn’t done before! Is that too much to ask?” LOL the problem is I never asked;) Plus I forgot we went to West Africa last year together.

WTF, right?! I then wonder why I am so deeply affected by this. I almost want to cry! I know it’s insane to have this reaction. But I let myself feel it, and I go to hole myself away in the cabin, taking deep breaths, until I feel it move through me and have its completion.

I got my period the next day, so now of course it makes perfect sense, but in the moment, I thought I was really losing my shit.

Now that I have a little more of a “realistic” perspective I can ask myself, “Ana, dear, what the hell was that?” Hormonal or not, there was a seed of something there.

What it is, dear Ana, is that I forgot everything happens for a reason. I forgot to surrender to the all-knowing perfection that is greater than myself.

Then I remind myself that he had all those other relationships so he could show up for me the man he is now. All those truly amazing women helped him grow into the absolutely incredible man he is now, and for that I am eternally grateful. And I got to be his friend through all those growing pains, being there for him as a friend, but not being hurt. And now we are together. And he didn’t think I was crazy after all that cable bridge nonsense. He never raised his voice or told me I was being hormonal or that I was being ridiculous. He just held me and said how much he loved me and that we are going to have many adventures together, including making a family.

I know…he’s awesome, right?!

The point is, when I focus on the present, when I take in ONLY what is happening now and not making up stories about the past or fears about the future, it is all perfect.

So will ya do me a favor? When you start getting distracted from the blessings and the perfection and happiness that is right in front of you, in the now – your partner asleep next to you, the sound of rain gently falling on your roof, the way your dog greets you at the door, the way your cat warms your lap, the way your mom or dad are still around to say “I love you” – when you get distracted from that because you’re trying to make sense of the past, or prevent shit from hitting the fan in the future, will you PLEASE just cut it out and enjoy your life? Just for those few present moments? It would make me so happy. And you too.