Whenever we feel we’re deep in suffering mode, it feels like something is happening TO us. The traffic. The breakup. The job we didn’t get. The fight we just had with our boo. The extra weight. The 2 weeks vacation time (yes, to me that’s a bad thing…you deserve way more).
You get the idea.
Thing is, the only reason we’re suffering is because we are wishing things were different than they are.
I’m going to say that again, because I really want it to sink it: it’s because we are wishing things were different than they are.
NOT because of the traffic. NOT because of the now-ex-partner. NOT because of the extra 25 pounds. NOT because of the rejection letter. NOT because of boo or because you can’t take time off for a month-long expedition.
It’s because we aren’t willing to accept life as it is.
Don’t misunderstand me – I’m not saying to settle.
I’m asking, “How would your experience be different if you had the thought, ‘This is happening FOR me?’ ” (and not “TO me”)
What if we could – on the regular – be OK with life as it is?
What if we had the thought, “This is exactly what should be happening. Because it’s what is happening.”
I’ll tell you, because I’ve been there. With my cancer. With my divorce. With my boyfriend cheating on me. With my post-partum depression. With my post-baby belly. All that shit.
Our experience would be waaaay better than when we take the role of the victim – aka the perspective that life should not be happening to us the way that it is.
When we’re in that victim mode, we feel powerless. Helpless. Tired. Hopeless. Pissed.
When we accept what is and do our thought work to choose a perspective that better serves us, guess what? We have the energy to make shit happen. To create the life we want. To stop wasting energy trying to change what is, and start creating what is possible.
We stop spinning our wheels and ruminating on the dreams of what could have been.
We start moving forward and creating instead of perseverating over, “Why me?”
For some reason, we resist this concept. A lot.
For some reason, us silly humans try to pretend that life isn’t supposed to be what it is.
Part of this is because of evolution: we want things to be comfortable, pleasurable, and easy because historically that ensured our success. Our freakin’ survival. Discomfort, pain, difficulty…all that was scary and needed to be avoided.
But now, amigos, we are safer than we ever have been. No saber-toothed tiger. No days without food. No being cast out to the wilds all alone.
All the discomfort humans did feel “back then?” It helped us evolve. We couldn’t escape it.
And we still can’t.
Life is supposed to be hard, for a big chunk of it. It’s just the way it is.
We are supposed to evolve.
When we stop fighting that, and stop telling ourselves that things are “supposed” to be easy or uh-mazing all of the time, then we can get on with living instead of trying to change reality.
So you see, accepting what is doesn’t mean settling. It means you stop fighting and instead use your energy for creating. It means you do so with more power, energy, and optimism.
I’m not saying you’re going to be happy all the time if you accept what is.
But you sure as hell will be a lot less tired and hopeless.
You’ll evolve.
So ask yourself, “What if this is exactly what is supposed to be happening?”
How is this supposed to serve me?
Boom.
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