How to Get Your MoJo On Before Its Too Late

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~ Marie Oliver

Running errands, working late, losing sleep, making annoying phone calls and being put on hold, not working out again because you got home too late, not seeing your friends for a few weeks because you’ve got your nose to the grindstone…What’s the point?

What’s the reason behind all the things you’re doing every day? What’s the MoJo behind your ToDo list? In coaching, we talk about the “little a” agenda, and the “Big A” Agenda. The little “a” agenda is the list of all the little steps that get you to your Big “A” Agenda. The Big A is your dreams, your vision, your totally fulfilled, free and kick-ass life.

It’s important to know why you’re doing what you’re doing with your precious life energy, and it’s also important not to confuse the To Dos for the MoJo itself. When we confuse the little a for the Big A…then we’re really screwed. But more on that in a bit.

Let me start with an example of little a and Big A: I want to go to Africa and travel this Fall, as well as volunteer at a refugee camp. I want to write and create and inspire and dive into – with the freedom of time – the newest epic Freedom Junkie program I am creating. On top of that, a requirement is that I do not have to be anywhere at any given moment or be held accountable to anyone but myself, my partner, and the present moment. That’s my Agenda. That’s the MoJo behind my ToDos.

In the meantime, what do I need to do to get there?

  • Quit my job (the one where I loved it but didn’t have freedom of my time) – DONE. I did this a long time ago, but I like to remind myself everytime I do something cool about why I did it;)
  • Not get pregnant – DONE (ditto to the above)
  • Run my Freedom Junkie programs twice as often as usual since I won’t be doing them in the Fall – DONE
  • Save a bunch of money so that even though I may be earning money in the meantime, I don’t have to freak out that I NEED to, and end up coming home early because I am stressed out or something sucky like that. This means I had to save 3 months worth of expenses, at least. – DONE
  • Pay bills in advance – PENDING
  • Write my eZine articles in advance – PENDING
  • Tuck in all my loose ends and do all the crap I have been putting off so I can fully let go – definitely NOT DONE

So, a lot of little “a” things have to happen in order for my vision to happen. Some of them were really big freakin’ deals to pull off! A lot of things on YOUR ToDo list will need to happen in order for you to fulfill your MoJo too. your So, a lot of little “a” things have to happen in order for my vision to happen. Some of them were really big freakin’ deals to pull off! A lot of things onWhen I get stuck in how mundane things are because I am doing some annoying thing like spending half the day on the phone with insurance companies or filling out paperwork or screening renters for my house, getting all the service maintenance done on my car and doing prophylactic plumbing care on my vintage cottage (circa 1912, baby!), I remember my Big A. It helps.

Are you working overtime? When you feel yourself getting down on it and saying things like, “I can’t believe I’m missing out on watching the sunset on the river with my peeps,” how about saying, “I am making sure I’m getting to trek in Nepal in the Fall so I can fan the flames of my Freedom and Adventure MoJo?” That’s a much better place to have your perspective sit and take a rest.

Look at your daily habits and the things you are doing right now – your ToDo things. Are they getting you closer to, or further from, your dreams? Or are they keeping you stuck? Be honest with yourself.

Create and get clear about your vision,then make a list of ToDos that need to happen in order to be living that vision sooner than later. Then go out and do it – remembering, with focus, your reasons why.

Here are warning signs to watch out for when putting together the ToDos for your MoJo

Make sure your MoJo is honored every day.“Balance” in terms of an 8-hour workday and 8 hours of sleep is bull-honkey for most people. However, while you’re passionately cranking out the ToDos to get to your dream, make sure you celebrate some part of your MoJo. After all, you never know when you’re going to croak, so be sure to live a little passion every day. Have great sex. Eat good food. Play outside. In whatever order you like;)

Don’t keep doing things you don’t like with NO “Big A” Agenda in mind
For example, are you working overtime just to have “more money?” What the hell are you doing, amigo? I am now figuratively slapping you with a ltitle sting like in a Telenovela. Everything you do, even something seemingly banal or mundane, must contribute to your life dreams. And my bet is that if you’re a part of the Freedom Junkie Tribe, your dream isn’t to have a lot of money per se, but rather to feel free, have adventures, and take control of your time and money and where you are in the world. If financial abundance happens to come along with that wild ride, then sahweet – buy more drinks for your friends! In the Maldives;) Get in touch with your Big A – what values are you honoring?

Be aware of when your “little a” agenda items are for the purpose of someone else’s dreams, or an Agenda that is actually a really really bad idea that you forgot you were going to ditch once you realized your Badass Life was meant to be lived on your terms.

Like you used to think you wanted to be a doctor to save lives and help people. That was easy people-pleasing at cocktail parties. And you really really like shoes. You like them so much you are really freakin’ good at designing them and celebrating them. In fact, you are the only student in your medical school class who can pull off Fluvogs with scrubs.

You forgot you always wanted to open your own store. But then, in the middle of a 12 hour day indoors in the hospital on a sunny day, you remembered again. You remembered a lot of things about your dreams. So you quit med school. No shit. One of my friends did exactly that. And she has a badass shoe store and donates hundreds of pairs to kids in developing countries every year. Not Fluvogs. But you get the point.

Don’t make your Mojo items consistently eons into the future. Don’t wait for “someday.” Pick actual dates. Take, as Tim Ferriss says in The 4 Hour Work-Week, mini-retirements so that you refill your mojo regularly during this one wild and precious life. Don’t wait till you’re about to die!

Do not confuse your little a for your Big A. Do NOT work overtime thinking it will all be worth it “someday” if you never actually go on that trek in Nepal. You must go, or you’ll loose respect for yourself and your MoJo will whither. We’ve all done it. We’ve made plans, even taken some big leaps, then we make up excuses to turn away from our dreams. Then we keep doing the “little a” things all the time, and they eventually start to seem like Big A things because we forgot why they were so important, but we keep doing them anyway – but they’re not our Big A. They’re distractions.

Like checking Facebook or your emails 100 times a day so you feel important and seen and like people notice you, and that you’re doing really really well. Distraction. What could you be doing instead to get you to your big dream? All those little moments add up, hermana. One study showed employed people spend12.3 minutes on Facebook a day. That’s 76 hour a year – or 3 whole days! Another showed Americans spend 49 minutes a day on managing email. That’s 446 hours or 18.5 entire days!

In summary, I want you to get your MoJo on.

  • What’s Your Mojo? What are your big visions, your passions, your up-and-coming adventures?
  • What ToDos need to happen to manifest your MoJo?
  • How can you keep living your MoJo every day while you work towards that epic vision?

Please share your comments below:  I’d love to hear your answers to one or all of the questions above. When you speak it, there is power.

PS: If there is no MoJo behind what you’re doing, stop messing around. Discover your passions. Join the tribe at www.Facebook.com/TheFreedomJunkie and ask for some support. There are a bunch of wild and crazy Freedom Junkies out there who have been exactly where you are at!

Days 110 to 113 Loving is Awesome and Scary

Last night I got home from an awesome biz conference in the gorgeous town of Asheville, North Carolina (there are fireflies! FIREFLIES! little tinkerbells!). I had an very cool time at our “Come As You Are In 2017” party. I pretended that my vest was of camel fur that I found in Mongolia, and that I worked 6 months a year and traveled and hung out with my family in epic places the rest of the time. Ooooh there is more. It was juicy.

Here’s a pic of some of us. To the left are some pretty incredible women entrepreneurs. To start is there is AudreyReynolds, epic travel consultant, of BeYourOwnTravel Hero.com. Then there’s post-partum botique doula, Devon Clement, of MamasBestFriend.com, (me of Anaverzone.com) and Lani Harmon – supah natural light photographer and inner radiance capturer of, duh, LaniHarmon.com. There were also women helping families with the challenge of autism, travel photography coaches, legacy story capturers, gluten-free mentors…on and on!

a few of us at the Come As You Are in 2017 party

The biggest lesson from that: many of us tried to think about what to wear or what we’d look like, but in the end, it was about how we were feeling in 2017, what we had accomplished, what we were creating, what we had learned...and, for me, how we had loved.

When my partner, Thai, opened the door after I arrived from the airport at 1am, I was soooooo happy to see him. Like, hugging and cuddling and holding-for-several-minutes-before-tearing-the-clothes-off kind of missing. And as we fell asleep, I found myself wanting to stay awake, just holding him and being held by him, reveling in being able to totally be present with experiencing my love for him.Wanting to stretch out the minutes into hours and days. I wanted to so KNOW this feeling inside and out, so that I may recognize it as it passed me by on the street, or to sense it in the air.

I played with opening my heart more and more. I felt this warmth overcome me. I had flashbacks of when we first met 12 years ago, his helping me open my first email account in Kathmandu (“anapurnas” my username;), the subsequent love letters sent over that email…the struggle to try to make it work, but the distance that made it so difficult. The 12 years between during which we were friends. And more recently, hearing him tell me as we fall asleep by rivers and mountains that sometimes he can’t believe he is finally with me, that’s it’s me next to him.

I am brought to tears as I can’t believe the same thing. He’s here. Right next to me. Let me feel this fully and deeply.

Thank fucking god he’s asleep, cuz this would look kinda weird, me all pretzled around him with wet eyes and wide awake staring at him.

Then I got scared. My heart wanted to close. The idea of loving someone so much was kind of freaky. I was full-on basking in love, but not full-on opening my heart.

I don’t even have kids…but the idea of loving another being so much is so powerful, and it created a pause.

I let myself imagine what it would be like, to love completely and with reckless abandon, mindful presence, and respect. There was a sappy movie called, “The Vow” on the flight home, and the one thing said in it that stood out the most to me was this phrase:

I promise to fiercely love you, in all your forms

Deep breath. Don’t we ALL deserve that?! And, we all MUST experience loving another in that way, whether it is our parents, or our children, or our partners. And then we need to extend it to ourselves. Ironically, perhaps we need to start with ourselves…

So the protecting, the pause…I’m OK with it for now. This is juicy, precious stuff. I AM juicy, precious stuff. And so are you. I choose to see this pause as a bow to myself, my sacredness.

I will love fully. This I know because, as Hafiz says below:

Your love
Should never be offered to the mouth of a
Stranger,
Only to someone
Who has the valor and daring
To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife
Then weave them into a blanket
To protect you.

…and he has done this 🙂

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, mentor and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Freedom Junkie ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FullOn365.com Her new site and blog, Anaverzone.com, will be up to rock your world soon!

Days 74 to 77 – Alaskan Tidbits

thai and ana matanuska
Matanuska River Valley (me and Thai)

Alaska has done it again. Won my heart. Lifted my spirit. Grounded me in my body and my being and to this earth.

This weekend we were going to go to Portage Glacier for an adventure. But it rained (and blessed be the friends and thei iPhones with good reception that let us know what the weather was like before we drove all the way over there!).

So we put on the breaks, drove north to the Matanuska River Valley (I always wondered where Matanska was…for realz!) and did the most epic and Living Full-On Every Dayadventurous…CAR CAMPING! We set up a HUGE tent in which there was a kitchen table and stove. We had a portable wood burning stove (it even had a tall stovepipe that threatened to fall over on us and melt our fancy gear) that kept us toasty, and there was fiddle playing, trumpet trumpeting, and iPhone tripping (listen here: iPhone wawa). Even a mandolin. And wine and rum and LOTS of stars.

Cliff Wilson on the backyard ski
Cliff Wilson on the backyard ski

The next morning, after blissful sleeping in, I got bit by my first mosquito of the season (yes, they are the size of birds here, even in early spring). We then skied in our “backyard,” and visited some friends across the valley before skiing back home to our Bibler tents.

That eve, we ran into Anchorage and had an epic Vietnamese dinner cooked for us by Thai’s brother, Tonio, before crashing out in our cozy yurt (which is much more cozy now that it was last month…like 10-20 degrees cozier).

ana greanite mountain
me on an after-work ski, with Granite Mountain in the background

Yesterday morning we drove back to the Matanuska Valley and I had a day of amazing Full On client calls. After our workday, we skied to Granite Mountain before having an incredible dinner cooked for us by friends here in Matsu (and the most ridiculously yummy havarti and parmesean cheese biscuits ever!).

Today, I woke up seeing a breathtaking view (see below). Then Thai went to his clinic while I worked on Full On, and we paused mid-day to make lunch along the Matanuska river bank (cheese quesadillas with egg). After that I had an uber fun Question and Answer group coaching call with my Ziji Up Mastery Program peeps.

Tonight? Arctic Entries storytelling back in Anchorage. The theme is “Pioneers: stories of sourdoughs, homesteaders, and self-starters.” Psyched! And tomorrow we head out for a sailing trip to Homer and beyond.

matanuska river valley
My view of the Matanuska River Valley from the deck

The best part is I have caught up on sleep, and am finally feeling like myself again. I’ve got ENERGY!!!! Watch ouuuuuuttttt world!

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Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting anaverzone.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call at anaverzone.com/jedi-juice

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Days 70 to 73 – Fall in Love With Yourself

Living Full-On Every DayI was beating myself up for multi-tasking today. Yesterday, I was in the middle of doing something with a dear friend when she told me her husband was just diagnosed with cancer. Now, I’ve had cancer twice, and I know how that affected my loved ones when they found out. And I was flat-out PISSED that I was having to finish this “thing” we were doing before I could be totally present with her. I was thinking, “WTF!? How can I keep having to do this without stopping and giving her a hug?!” It pained me.

Well, for starters, we were in a surgery, so yeah, I couldn’t hug her. But I put my forehead against hers and we waited until the end.

Then later I was checking email on my phone and my mom called so I answered and put her on speaker phone and kept checking my email and I thought, “Wait! This is your MOTHER! What if she dies tomorrow? And the last time you talk to her you were thinking about flight times?” (BTW in case you haven’t noticed, the thought of me or others dying doesn’t freak me out. It reminds me to “Wake The Fuck Up!”) Sorry for all the F-bombs;)

I have vowed to not multitask today. Not for the weekend – just for today. You see, I am addicted to getting shit done!

I was going to write more about this addiction of mine, when a recent email from a client popped up for some reason (OK Universe, I’m listening!), and it said, “Thank you…I am falling in love with myself again” (you know who you are – yay;). Then I opened another email from a FullOn365 reader that said, “I am focusing every day on my healing and letting go of the idea that I must be a mother at all costs. We are all spirits having a human experience and this is mine to have that with…I need to advance.”(you know who YOU are;) Yes. YES. YESSS!!!!!Then all these images came flooding in of the sistahs in my Ziji Up Mastery Program talking about how amazing it feels to start nurturing a sense of self-love again.

So I guess I’ll write about that, even though there is kind of no segue. There must be a reason, and you have to listen when it calls;) Maybe it means something particularly special for someone out there.

Here’s the take-home point ahead of time, in case you can’t read further:

We must all fall in love with ourselves (again).

As kids it was much more easy to love ourselves. Then we made a few mistakes because hey, we were like 5…then it became relatively easy to beat ourselves up. And as we got older it was easier to look at how messed up things have gotten and feel like we are broken. And it seemed to have happened so quickly, this falling out of love with ourselves.

YOU ARE NOT BROKEN.

100% of the time (yes, EVERY TIME) when a client tells me they feel they are broken, then they tell me the shit they’ve been through, I think, “Damn sistah! You’ve been through hell and back and here you are. If you were broken, you wouldn’t be here with me right here and right now. Welcome.”

Just because we make the same mistakes, just because we keep screwing up, just because bad shit keeps happening to us doesn’t mean we are broken. It means we are still having a lesson to learn. It means we need to do things differently. Maybe it means we need more support. It also means we are needing to fall in love with ourselves. So many of us can offer this love and compassion to others, yet leave the scraps for ourselves. All the above means a whole lot of things – but NOT that you are broken.

START LOVING YOURSELF – FIRST! It is the best thing you can do for others! I am not saying to be selfish (although many of you may have an inner voice that tells you loving yourself first is selfish, but that’s OK. Just hang with me here for a bit). I am talking basic facts – only through taking care of yourself can you take care of others.

You know on the airplane, how they tell you to put the mask on YOURSELF before YOUR CHILD?! It ain’t rocket science, baby. And did you know that many ailments in adulthood stem from events happening in-utero, with the little person developing in their mama and those mamas not eating well, or resting, or exercising, or avoiding stress (aka loving on themselves)? It’s true!

One of the basic philosophies that I was trained in (and believed in even before I went through my coaching program) is to view my clients as naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. This seemed natural to me, yet apparently it is not how most people view themselves or others…especially others asking for help.

YOU are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. You kick ass. You are a badass waiting to be let out of your shell. A frickin’ puma in a cage. You are all of that, and MORE. So let yourself OUT and love yourself. And just so you don’t think I’m full of it it because I may not know you, check this out: WE ARE ALL THAT WAY. Even that ex you don’t think so highly of. Even your critical annoying sister. Even your angry father. We all just got off track in understanding what we truly needed to be happy and stopped loving on ourselves, and therefore on others (mean people always dislike themselves more than they ever dislike anyone else).

Do you know why we treat ourselves so poorly (we can be SO MEAN to ourselves! Listen to what these inner gremlins say!)? It is because deep down we KNOW we can do better. We KNOW we can make better choices. And we’re pissed that we don’t let ourselves out of the cage that we can – in an instant – open with one thought; that thought being, “I am worthy of love, and I am able.”

There’s more, “Not only that, but I am able because that is what I was born to do. I am magnificent because I was born to be nothing less. So now I am going to start living like it. Start showing up the way I was meant to.” And FIRST showing up for yourself in the way you need to

I say don’t just think you are enough. Know you are MORE than enough. And again, start with loving yourself.

When we decide to fall in love with ourselves again, it can be easy to start on the mental trip of going through all our regrets and trying to convince ourselves we are worthy of forgiveness.

Here’s the good news: Just start with treating yourself well. Rest when you’re tired. Play when you’re bored. Get a massage. Call in sick (but don’t get sick!) Take yourself out on a date. Hire a house cleaner. Get up early and meditate (as long as you’ve had enough sleep!). Go to bed by 9pm (gasp!). Have a  foot soak and watch a funny movie. Take a long weekend to climb that mountain you’ve been wanting to climb. You get the idea.

I’d love to hear what you do for self care – and therefore self love. Please share;)

Shizzle. I hope all that helped you feel a little love inside 😉

 

(PS: check out the Jedi Juice training call in May on making choices to help you be alignment with lovin’ on yourself;)

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting anaverzone.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call at anaverzone.com/jedi-juice

 

Days 50 to 53 – Loving and Receiving Fully Kicks Ass

Living Full-On Every DayWow…so sometimes when you live full on, the Universe reminds you of exactly how happy this makes her, and how much more beautiful the world is because of it.

When I was facing a serious cancer and going through my inventory of possible regrets, I had but one major one. I was pretty happy about that. I had learned enough to attempt to appreciate life regularly, and had spent all of my 20s adventuring all over the world. I had begun deep healing in my relationships with my parents. I was a whacky but fiercely loyal friend and partner. And I had learned to be compassionate with myself about using the word “regret.”

I had a general rule that if I learned from the experience and made amends for it, I could call it a mistake or a lesson, rather than a regret. But let me tell you this: when looking at not being able to do anything about a regret cuz you may die, even one regret SUCKS.

So…I am guessing you’re wondering: What was my ONE major regret? It had to do with LOVE, of course! I had one great love that I had not fully appreciated or done everything I could for. We met in Kathmandu in our 20s, and all sorts of social “rights” and “wrongs” (too soon after a breakup so maybe I wasn’t clear…having to do the responsible thing…yada yada) kept me from saying “yes” when he asked, “Will you come ride a motorcycle with me through Cambodia and Laos?” Or months later when he came to visit me en route to Antarctica.

Us in our 20s, stuck in Baja during to 9/11(after sea kayaking Isla Espiritu Santo)

We kept in touch, regularly. We had 2-3 hour phone conversations (even until recently!). We tried to date but were always on different continents. Not different continents like North vs South America. Like Antarctica vs North America. That made it challenging.

Then I pushed him away by doing some hurtful things that I didn’t know were hurtful at the time…probably because my heart was closed off after hearing he was dating a woman in Antarctica, or dating a woman in Alaska. Sheesh. How embarrassing. Apparently those things kind of kept him from opening his heart to me anymore then. Fair enough. You can’t expect someone to open their heart to you if yours is squeezing shut.

We talked about “us” and resigned ourselves to the fact that while we both wanted to be together and give it a go, perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be in this lifetime. It was too difficult to make it happen. So we became “just” friends. REALLY good friends. Like he called me from the South Pole, or sent me little trinkets from Egypt or Bolivia when he would barely email anyone else, and called me when he was having a really hard decision to make. Or like I would call him when something awesome happened in my life…like, oh, say…when I got engaged.

We had promised each other we’d tell the other person – not matter how distanced we may ever become – if either of us got engaged. I can safely say we both assumed this was to give the other person a last chance to go for it.

So I called him. And he sounded surprised, then…he congratulated me.

Sigh.

I hate to admit it now, but I was indeed disappointed. It might have been wise to listen to that. It could have spared me my later divorce (albeit an amicable one, for my ex was indeed a super awesome man). However, I was young on my path to understanding my intuition then. I had chalked it up to “grass is greener” syndrome. Plus, he had a girlfriend he met in Antarctica that swam to islands in Fiji with him with a plastic bag tied around their ankle full of their belongings. WTF. How can you top that when you’re stuck doing 12 hour shifts at a hospital while in graduate school in San Francisco (albeit also squeezing in Yosemite walls and climbing trips to Australia, alone)? You don’t. You just are happy for him, that’s what. Sheesh.

In any event, as I was preparing for my cancer excision and renal auto-transplant in 2004, wondering how sick I was (or how sick I was going to be), I thought of HIM. That relationship was my one “What if.” HE was the one thing I had wished I had gone for fully. Not pushing him away. Not making up stupid excuses. Not waiting until it was convenient or easy. And now I was married, and he was about to be engaged (although I didn’t know that at the time), and both our partners were totally amazing. Fuck.

So I let it go.

I KNOW, right?! But I wanted to do what seemed like the “right thing” then… and a big part of me still feels good about that.

In any event, I tell you all this because the Universe is supposed to have come in and given me props for all my full-on living thus far. And she did.

The past few days when I wasn’t writing here, I was fully experiencing love with HIM. I am 38, and I am finally with him. I know now that the decade+ delay was all for good reasons. We appreciate each other even more now, that’s for sure. We learned to love one another as friends. We REALLY know each others’ crap, and knowing that the other person still wants to be with us after all that is rather lovely. And we learned many things in our other relationships that we didn’t have to learn with each other, which surely spared some heartache. And there are many other things to celebrate about having surrendered to the Universe back then. But no matter what, all I know is I am absolutely receiving love from him, fully and completely. And dishing it out.

Yes yes, we are building our lives together, and making all those plans and talking about kids etc. But for me, the point is that I AM FINALLY ABLE TO LOVE HIM FULLY, LIKE I ALWAYS WANTED TO. And I am receiving his love fully, like I never let myself do before. To be honest, even if we don’t stay together “forever,” I can die knowing I experienced my great love. And that is so much better than a “What if.”

Many of you could call my bluff…if you’ve truly been dealing with dying before you were ready before. I have to admit, there’s nothing like that to get you to realize exactly HOW SHITTY it feels to have “What ifs” when you are possibly going to die much sooner than you ever thought possible.

And now I got a second chance. How often does that happen? Probably not often, because actually we also have a huge part in CREATING those second chances ourselves, and we often give up too soon. But having said that, THANK YOU for this second chance (to all involved)!

It wasn’t an easy peasy “I’ll call you and let’s meet up for coffee” kind of thing. We were still almost a continent apart. When we both first opened up to this possibility again, he was heading off to China, and after that trip he returned to his home-base in Alaska (I was currently in Oregon). Getting to be with him took some balls this time around too. I really had to take some risks, and so did he. But it was so worth it. So very, very worth it.

I was talking to a client the other day about wanting to protect our hearts, and I was reminded of my new willingness for it to get hurt again as long as I am honoring my truth all the while. It is NOT worth protecting it at the price of possibly not loving fully again (there are wise ways to do this, but that’s another post;) The risks, while scary, are part of the dealio.

So the past few days have been me receiving fully and loving fully. And I find little notes from him in my stuff, and I watch him sleep and I’m like, “HOLY SHIT! I am with him! Like I always felt I should be! This is SO WEIRD! And so incredibly cool.” Talk about patience and faith and trust. And risk-taking. And … who knows what else.

Us in Mali, West Africa – on a different adventure in our late 30s;)

But what I DO know is that had I not been committed to living Full On, to not making excuses, to not wasting any more of my precious life energy doing anything I do not want to be doing, to being willing to take the risks…I could have missed out on this. All of it.

If you’ve vomited after this, I completely understand. For me, it is The Notebook in real life, after all. Well, The Notebook minus the horse races and white picket fence and white people and one of us being an aristocrat part. Well, minus lots of things from that…but PLUS many more of our own flavahs.

I’ll admit that I own The Notebook, and everyone told me it was Hollywood bullshit, by the way. And yes, I know many of you are devastatingly disappointed by my admitting that, but oh well;) It is the only love story movie I own. The rest are Kung Fu flicks and the Star Wars series. However, I bought it because when I watched it, it reminded me not that my true love was still out there “somewhere,” but that life was too short to make up excuses for not living fully.

I liked being reminded of that, because for me it did so not in a woo woo way, or in a bullshit “Hollywood is trying to make you feel bad about your life” kind of way, but in a “Cut the BS and get off yer ass and go get it, even if you end up disappointing others by staying true to yourself. Life is too short!” type of way. I think it was because I KNEW that was true for me, and I needed to be reminded not to make up excuses anymore. I wasn’t waiting for my prince charming. I just had to have the balls to stop getting in my own way about it.

I still really do believe that it is not about if we stay “together forever” that defines true love, but rather this expansive wholeness that I feel in my heart. To feel this, even only for a brief while, is kissing God. So although I have every reason to believe this is a continuation of another lifetime and will continue to be so, this really, truly, for realz, is enough.

So have you not told someone you care for about your heart? Have you not forgiven someone who desperately wants you to? Have you not apologized for hurting someone, even if you didn’t mean to? Today, PLEASE do something about one thing that you would regret if you put it off. You never know what second chances might open up for you.

PS: I also skied up Near Point and watched cool sunsets;)

At the top of Near Point, Anchorage, AK

 

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by signing up at anaverzone.com! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call at anaverzone.com/jedi-juice

 

Days 41, 42 and 43 Burning the Candle at Both Ends

Living Full-On Every DayA part of me was secretly excited that my site was down for over 24 hours (all was good – it was maintenance). That’s because I was way too busy to write a post. And that’s the way it has been for the past 3 days, actually. I’ve been so busy, in fact, that I have only slept 10 hours since Monday (and I write this Thursday morning).

Not all of this is due to something “stressful.” I had many amazing Freedom Junkie client calls, helped dozens of women with their lives and their health, and feng shui’d my house so that it looks like a freakin’ model home (it’s on the market, otherwise it would look like its usual bohemian madness self). I also brought multiple babies into this world in the wee hours, and that, albeit not ideal timing for sleep – is always a miraculous time of day. All this was not without the help of other amazing kick-ass women in my life, like my personal assistant Jenna, my medical assistant Claudia, and my organizers Kristin and Cathy (thank you!). But while those events fed my soul, the sum of the whole left me with my ass whooped. I was so whooped, I was brought to tears – yet I was too tired to cry. So I just thought about how good it would feel like if I did. Dang!

So what to do? I am guessing my future post about today – and perhaps even tomorrow – is going to be about Full On Rest. Amen.

from my morning snow run

I’m writing this as I head to Anchorage. Normally I would be super excited to get there. But being as tired as I am, I am not looking forward to having to build a fire when I get to the yurt, or shovel snow. So instead of focusing on that, I am going to book a massage (maybe even massages!), promise myself that if I don’t get to sleep in an hour after arriving I am also booking a hotel room with a jacuzzi tub for the night, and then I am going to plan a spa day with my Alaskan girls. They could use some pampering after all that backcountry skiing we’re going to do;)

It is funny how I have to give myself permission to rest. After ALL that stuff I accomplished, there’s still a little voice telling me I can do a bit more. But who cares if I could!? Just because we can do more, doesn’t mean we should do more. Yes, I am talking to YOU, fellow super-woman extraordinaire. YOU don’t have to either.

Well then, it is settled: today I am choosing to do nothing. I can be gentle with myself and do absolutely nothing. Let me rephrase – I need to be gentle with myself and do nothing. After all, on top of that sleep deprivation, I also passed through the anniversary of my first encounter with The Big C (8 years yesterday!). Yeehaw! C free baby! A cause to celebrate, but also an emotional experience to be reckoned with.

Which reminds me that I had another mole removed from my right shoulder Monday (Day 41), reminding me of my second run-in with the Big C. It was my four-leaf clover mole. I’ve had it forever. I even have a picture of it. But I wasn’t 100% sure if it was changing or not, and I would prefer not to dance with a melanoma again, so I had them shave it off. And to boot, this was at 7am. Ouch.

So yeah, I deserve every bit of rest I can muster.

Was it worth this degree of fatigue? I’ve already mentioned some Full On moments from the past 3 days. Thinking back on others, I also went for a morning run in the snow (while it was snowing!), and that woke me up big time and had me appreciate beauty first thing in the morning, which is always a blessing. I dipped back into my yoga practice, which escaped me for a bit these past few hectic months. I scored some sweet party wigs for a fiesta I am having this weekend, celebrating that 8th year of being free of my renal cell carcinoma, and visited with some girlfriends I hadn’t connected with for a long time (albeit on the phone!). Plus I spoke to my mom, every day, even though I was utterly exhausted.

So when I choose to focus on those moments, yes, it was all worth it. I’d rather have had some of those moments than been asleep. I’d have done it a little differently in hindsight, perhaps. But sometimes we just have these bursts of time where we barely make it over the finish line. And that’s just life. Sometimes you just need to do what you need to do, and try to do it with as much grace as possible.

I am designing my life to have fewer of those stressful bursts, though. I know I can have both adequate sleep and kick-ass moments. “Sleep when you die” is not a funny phrase to someone who has had cancer twice;)  And in reality, this was just one of those times in life where all those things HAD to be done – and I did them! So I am celebrating the fact that I kicked some busy ass. And I am SO not doing that craziness again for awhile. Promise. We need to remember to fill our cup!

When we find ourselves in those moments of being stretched to our max, this is where Ziji comes in: knowing – no mater what – that you can do it. Because you have time and time again. And you’re still here, having everything you need inside you to move through this, with grace and courage and a kick-ass attitude.

Add a spoonful of self-love and compassion for this gal. I am heading to bed…after booking that massage!

 

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by signing up at FreedomJunkie.com! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training at FreedomJunkie.com/jedi-juice

Days 22, 23, and 24 – Waterfalls and Road Trips

Hey hey, what a great few days! Check out my waterfall hike by clicking here. I ducked behind the Silver Creek waterfall for a morning wake-up call. Supah fun, and before coffee, even!

Full On activities include continuing to create my program for building confidence (more on that as I near completion…I’m really excited about it!). I want to share the system I’ve developed over the years with others and I can’t wait any longer! I need to help people build the confidence they need to take the risks that will enrich their life and allow them to live their passions. NOW! It takes a while to articulate the steps, and I’m a perfectionist so I have to keep letting go of some things to make it happen, but progress is being made;)

I also stopped and took hours out of a day off to connect with those I’ve been less-than-available to over the past few busy weeks. That felt good – to give time to people important to me. I hope they felt seen and heard and cared for.

Now, after that waterfall hike and a delicious PDX breakfast of eggs Benedict florentine style, we head to Eastern Washington on our brief road trip.

I LOVE ROAD TRIPS!

Days 15 and 16 How to Talk Money With Your Partner

Full On 365™ took it to the mountains, and it was awesome! However, the most full-on part of the past few days was going deep with my partner. We spent our first Valentine’s Day together, even though we’ve know each other for years (12, to be exact!). We both had to take big risks to take action to finally be together as a couple after all these years, and it has been an amazing journey so far.

Since we’ve known each other as friends for so long, we both knew that we had some – ahem – “differences” that we’d have to work through. One of these is how we perceive money. In my life and in my coaching others with finance challenges, I’ve learned money issues are never about “money.” Money issues are about what money means to you, what it symbolizes for you.

For me: money is energy: I get it, I send it back out, I have fun with it, I create it, I don’t stress about it as much as the average person because I believe I will always have at least enough. Always have. Always will. I’ve lived out of my car simply (and intentionally!) for years, I’ve grown up in a very poor and violent neighborhood, I’ve stayed in 4-star hotels, I’ve stayed in huts where rats ran over my face as I slept. I’ve had lots of it, I’ve had little of it, I worked through the issues imbedded by my father that money makes people corrupt and, well, evil. With money, I know having it doesn’t mean it will make me happy. I’ve been happy with and without it, and I’ve been unhappy with and without it. I know I need it for some basic things, and I know the rest is bonus and can be really fun and inspiring if I use it well.

For him: money is an inconvenient part of life and you earn it to build security and allow freedom. And you don’t really need more of it than what is needed to meet those two needs. Having lots of money and having “things” as a result is excessive (meaning lots in the bank is OK though). Having lots of nice things (and “lots” is a subjective term!) is being greedy, and challenges values of living simply and not buying in to the consumer culture. For him, having a lot of it is somehow bad. There are so many with so little, and having things (especially nice things) ultimately takes more from them. People with less stuff were more…cool. Of course, I am paraphrasing his opinions, but this is about how I perceived it and tried to stay full-on with it all;)

I’ve been in his mindset. Once I became successful, I used to be ashamed of having money. I knew how I perceived people who had it when I had none. I admittedly judged them, and felt they were missing out on the “real” meaning of life because wealth was a distraction to knowing the suffering in the world and learning the truths of life. Wealth was a distraction to being a true participant in humanity. It separated you out. It made you less…spiritual.

But then I learned differently.

I learned that while not having it didn’t mean you were any less of a person, or necessarily any less happy, having it – even LOTS of it – also didn’t mean you were a lesser person, or any less happy. Money is energy. That’s it. What you do with it and how it affects you is up to you. Just because you have it doesn’t mean you need to be excessive or greedy, and just because you don’t doesn’t mean you are more simple or spiritual a person. Happiness and greed and selfishness are ultimately independent of money. I know selfish poor people and generous rich people. I know incredibly giving people living in poverty who went out of their way to feed me in Mexico despite the fact I earned 5o times their income, and stingy peeps who have millions in the bank that made me split a burrito dinner when I lived out of my car. It is about YOU. Not your money.

This difference between us that came up on this trip was heavy duty. We both share values of living simply, striving to create more socioeconomic equality in the world through the work we do and other actions we take, and have both demonstrated that we know “things” don’t make us happy. We first met when we made less than $11,000 a year and we were blissfully traveling the world. Now we are both successful professionals, blissfully traveling the world. This issue was there at both times in our lives!

This is because the issue was in how we perceived the motivation behind what we were doing – not in money itself.

I like my nice reliable Subaru, my condo in Telluride, my small 900 square foot cottage atop a hill in Ashland, my cute clothes that I feel sexy and fun in. He likes his Alaskan yurt with no running water, no “central heating,” his used Honda Civic that he drives through Arctic blizzards, and was perfectly content with one shirt and one pair of pants for 6 weeks in Africa.

Know what? I like those things too. I like it all. I find his traits totally hot, actually. I like how I have a reliable car but don’t need to buy lots of fancy jewelry or fur coats. I like how we BOTH spend most of our hard-earned money on plane tickets and adventures instead of accumulating things. I like that I can live it up with girlfriends in a nice spa, and also have the best time of my life in the Sierra backcountry, with all I need carried on my back.

It was hard to feel that he struggled with my desire to dance in my own version of the middle way. It admittedly hurt that my nice things made him uncomfortable. I felt judged, even though he swore up and down that he wasn’t judging me (hellooooooo, can you say “projection!”).

I grew up REALLY poor, man! I earned these significant luxuries in my life, and I know I am still a good person with them – or without. But what is the 1% truth that is always in what we think is not true? Ay ay ay. I had to go there.

So we talked about it. Some of the things we did to keep the discussion healthy and safe were:

  • Remind ourselves of our shared values – these were the same. The way we perceived money actually didn’t mean we had different values. It represented differences in what money meant to us individually. We both value living simply. We both value making the world a more equal and just place for all beings. We both value being as “green” as possible…and on and on!
  • Remember you don’t have to understand in order to accept. We trust one another, and who we are. I don’t need to understand “why” he feels the way he does. I simply need to do my best to understand as much as I can, give him the benefit of the doubt, and accept him. This has to go both ways, of course. And it did. Oh, and the other part is to let the other person be themselves as well. Not just accept, but celebrate!
  • Discuss shared long-term goals. This helps to keep the Big Picture in mind. You see how your differing styles can still work towards the same goals.
  • Focus on the ways differences are complimentary. He helps reel in my tendency to overspend, and I help him lighten up a bit (and learn to enjoy being comfortable from time to time!).
  • Remember to have a sense of humor. We crack up knowing that we were saying the same thing, but in different ways. We want the same things, and there are just some tweaks in the way we get there that we need to work through.
  • Remind yourself that while it’s important to share core values, mindsets and habits and behavioral patterns are malleable. Having money or not isn’t a core value. How we live – simply, generously, and in consideration of other beings on the planet – is.

We both stretched. We both went into it full on. He told me how he wanted to expand his perception of money and wealth to allow him to be more comfortable both with and without it. He stretched to understand how the way I saw living a life of simplicity, generosity and compassion was in line with his, even though it may look differently for both of us sometimes. And I stretched to admit I could do a better job at living more simply, and that I had moved away from some of those values more than I was comfortable with.

Whew! Sometimes living full on can be exhausting. After having visited friends in 4 cities, skiing in two states (Utah as well!) and hiking in the desert, this was the most full-on part of it all.

 

Day 5 – Downloading

Today I hiked up Table Rock and checked out some vernal pools as we watched the sunset. I made dinner for my best friend and her partner, and had a few evening hours with my man to talk about some deep stuff.

I have found that a good way to describe living full-on is a lot about not avoiding things. It is about turning towards, and not away from. More on this later. I am going to download more about this while I sleep tonight… which reminds me of this (LOL):

Shit New Age Girls Say

Sweet downloading!