What is Your Relationship to Silence?

In essence, I crave it. I long for it. I yearn for the days of my childhood when I would have a question, or merely a thought, and I could hold it in my being for hours, uninterrupted.  Remember those days? Hmmm…I wonder if my dog can read my mind, or if she could save me if something was wrong, like Lassie…surely she can read my mind or tell when I need help. I know. I’ll pretend I’m dead and lie on the lawn and see what happens (I know…it was mean! But I was a dramatic one)…[I go do it]…She finds me. She is distressed. Wow she is licking my face and howling and sitting on my belly! Trying to get someone to come, or to wake me up! She tries to lift my arms with her little nose. She is so worried. She loves me! She’s badass and wants to save me! I wake up, I hug her, and kiss her, she runs around in joyous circles and I too am SO happy (and giddy that she would totally save me just like Lassie)… and we fall asleep together on the lawn, the sun warming our skin and fur, and the breeze providing us with just enough cool kisses.

All this without me saying a word. Without her saying a word (to me at least). And we have proven that soul-beings connect no matter what the species, that we are both loved beyond our own understanding, and that we will never, ever be alone in this world.

Those are the gifts that I remember of silence.

When I was in my 20s and danced with silence, I sometimes used to get anxious and have panic attacks…but then again that was also when I moved in with my parents to save money for the summer. My therapist pointed out that I was spending more on sessions with her than I would on rent, and that I could love my parents without ever wanting to live with them. Ever. Thank you, therapist. You saved me so much money with so few visits that I can’t even remember your name. Thank you.

What is YOUR relationship to silence? Lemme know so we can get clear about this one for ourselves.

(PS: This question was posed by one of my favorite mentors, Danielle LaPorte, on her Burning Questions page. Dig it.)

Days 118 to 125 – F*#! Cancer

OK Fuck Cancer. I am SO over it. Sometimes I want to yell at it and chew it out and get pissy at it and smack it in the face. And kick it. Then I get scared it will get mad at me and kill me. Then I also see it for what it is. A thing. And I realize maybe I am so pissed at it because I see it as this “thing” that means so many other things, when really it is just being all it is and just doing what it’s DNA is telling it to do.

This all comes from an instance when I was mountain biking this past week. On our drive back to Oregon from Colorado, we decided to hop out of the car and go for a quick ride to get the blood flowing near a pass in Nevada. I was enjoying the beautiful view. And then we came down this steep hill and I could see the steep uphill in front of us. I got ready, and pedaled pedaled and pedaled and then I just couldn’t do it. I was so tired. So I got off to walk the bike. That’s OK. I’ve had to do that. Then I could barely even walk it up.

WTF? I had just rode hours yesterday in Moab up and down all these trails, and I thought I was getting in better shape. I know I am in my own personal worse shape I’ve been in a long time, but I thought it was still better than the average American and certainly better than the beer-bellied dudes who were riding past me earlier in the week. So my only conclusion brought me to tears as I pushed the bike uphill, heavily breathing and not understanding why…

I started sobbing, and my then-boyfriend (now husband) looked back at me, put down his bike,  and as he was walking towards me he asked, “What’s wrong?” “I’m sad,” I said through my tears.

“Why? It’s OK. I’m tired too,” he consoles.

And he put his über-fit arms around me. Hummmph. I wish I was that fit.

I’m getting there.

“I’ve never felt like this. It makes me think I have metastases to my lungs…” I say to him with reservation, not sure if he’ll think I’m a freak.

Are you fucking kidding me?!!! (Sorry, I do swear my share, but even moreso when I talk about The Big “C” sometimes) I haven’t had cancer for years now. For those of you new here, I had renal cell carcinoma in 2004 and melanoma in 2009, I think. That’s right. I don’t remember off the top of my head and I refuse to stop and do math for the Big C. After my second cancer I kinda stopped keeping track of exact dates. Like I do with birthdays. Or AP History.

In any event, it is incredibly frustrating that when I breathe hard at altitude with a sport I’ve only done maybe five times in the last 4 years I think I have renal cell carcinoma or melanoma cancer cells that set up shop in my lungs.

Now that is messed up.

So I let it wash over me, and I cried and cried. I told him it was OK, that I just needed to let it out. He told me his lungs were burning too and that he was breathing really hard. And he has been super-cardio-fit forever and even he was feeling it. Whatever. I guess I believe him. At the very least, I love him for even saying that.

I told myself it was the allergies, the tall grasses and wildflowers, my mild reactive airway issues, and my late nights catching babies on call 5 days in a row several times a month all winter – and oh, yes, those Annie’s cheddar bunnies chock-full of gluten goodness that led to this panting fate.

And I tried to enjoy the ride down…and I dare say I actually did enjoy it.

Then last night I have this caffeine headache because I decided to stop caffeine since I am so hyper anyway, and I swear it just crept into my life unbeknownst to me and my coffeemaker. But it started while I was asleep.

And you know what I dream? That it’s a melanoma on my freakin’ head and no one noticed it so I am pissed that no one saw it and told me there was this massive cancerous crap on my head. And I know too much about medicine (thanks, UCSF) so I know it’s likely categorization/staging and I think FUCK. I really messed this one up. This is what I get for rarely combing my hair.

And I then realize I am dreaming. HOLY CRAP I AM DREAMING! YAY!!!!! And I decide to change the course of the dream, and wake the hell up.

I comb my hair.

I order “Crazy Sexy Diet, ” (written by the badass Kris Carr who wrote Crazy Sexy Cancer and lives with a rare “incurable” liver cancer for WAY longer than they thought she would…plus she’s hot) to be shipped via free 2-day UPS, and think, “Dang. I need to eat more greens. And maybe even a little less bacon. Done.”

We all have “cancer” in our lives. Its that thing that scares you, that makes you feel powerless. Something you want to get rid of. What’s yours? Let me know below…I’d love ya for it!

 

Note: Ana Verzone (Neff) is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie® She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Ziji Up!™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FreedomJunkie.com

Are You a Thermometer or a Thermostat? Shifting the Vibe and Training Your Mind

Right now I’m feeling pretty good. And I know these moments come and go. But in the meantime, I want to keep my energy positive and up as long as I can. All the work I do every day around my mindset and visioning and smacking down negative self-talk deserves to be rewarded as much as possible!

Have you ever been in a super positive place and you walk into a room or to a meetup with someone and wah wah waaaaaah your energy gets sapped and you get sucked into a funk that was not a part of your vibe until you walked in? I certainly have.
It sucks.

So what can you do about this?

Disclaimer: This is NOT about trying to be happy all the time at the expense of living and feeling authentically. This isn’t about faking happiness and being an annoying bubbly cheerleader bouncing around people who are suffering. It’s about resilience and maintaining a good vibe when you have it, and opening up the opportunity to shift a funk when you’re around.

Most of us are pretty good at being thermometers. Like a thermometer, we gauge the energetic “temperature” of the room, of what’s going on, and the mercury in us rises or falls. If there are people laughing and dancing we measure the temperature as partaaaay! If there’s a fire cracking and the light is low and there are candles, it’s cozy and chill, or sexy. If we walk into a room with our eyes SHUT we can tell if there is tension. You’ve felt that, right? You’ve walked into a meeting or come home to your partner who had a hard day and it is THICK, you are swimming in the bad juju. Oooooh shit.

It sucks because thermometers react to the temperature. Whatever the temperature is, the thermometer reacts.

Many of us were taught to simply accept the negative vibes, or we try to fix the situation externally. So we hang out uncomfortably, or have a drink to try to lighten up, or try to shift someone out of their funk by annoyingly asking too many questions and trying to give them answers.

In the scenario where we are a thermostat, we get brought DOWN by the bad vibes. Our energy line drops and we leave the situation feeling drained and heavy. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Raise the Vibe
OK so now you’re over it. You’re over being so susceptible to other people’s energy and circumstances. You want to maintain your vibration. And not only that, but you want to raise the vibration around you if its right.

While you can’t control other people’s responses, you can control yours. And if you walk into a room and don’t allow yourself to get brought down, you have a high chance of raising the energy overall as well. A thermostat SETS the temperature of the room. You – being the badass thermostat you are – sets the temp that YOU want. The kind of scene YOU want.

So when you walk into a situation and feel the funk, notice it, and say to yourself “I’m a freakin’ thermostat!” (I bet you never thought that would sound quite so badass, right?). Decide how you want the vibe to be. Most importantly, the vibe in you.

This is what true leaders do. This is what happy people do to keep it sustainable. Walk in, decide how you want the vibe to be, and rock that shit. And if it doesn’t shift, maintain your inner energy, and when you leave, cleanse all that juju away with deep breaths and whatever methods you have.

So the next time you’re in a situation and you feel your energy shifting, ask yourself: Am I going to be a thermometer, or a thermostat here? At least be aware it is a choice.

Whether or not you succeed at shifting the vibe outside of you, it is important to practice sustaining your own happiness, so here are some quick tips below:

How to Support Your Own Happiness

Acknowledge your feelings. When you feel distressed, don’t make it worse by beating yourself up for being upset. Do your best to accept your feelings. When you give your feelings respect and attention, feel them fully and let them wash over you, they usually begin to shift on their own, and you start to feel better.

Work with your thoughts. This is probably the most important tool that I’ve seen used. Did you know that 80% of clinical depression (NOT of major depressive disorder, which is much more biochemically based) is cognitively based? Thought – which affect our emotions – have a HUGE role in our level of happiness.

If you’re having thoughts that are hurtful to you, try reaching for a better thought or scenario that you can actually believe. For instance, if you’re constantly criticizing yourself, make it a point to reflect on three things you did well/succeeded at that day (getting the house cleaned, finishing that project, not picking a fight with your partner when you really wanted to). If your mind returns to negative self-talk, apply an antidote that is positive. Same shtuff, different perspective. The crux is we often think the negative thought is more true than the positive. That’s B.S. It’s why we work on it daily in the Ziji Up Mastery Program.

Decide that you want to be happier. It’s that simple. Decide to be happy. SNAP! When you make that decision, you start to notice choices for happiness that you may have missed before. Those choices may be small, such as lying down for 10 minutes when you’re tired rather than powering through a task, but you start to create a habit of seeking happiness that grows.

Celebrate success. Whether it’s the achievement of a major goal or a week when your children got along, take in the accomplishment, and give yourself and your children a yeeehaw! Better yet, do a happy dance, or howl at the moon (I know…I’ll take any excuse to howl at the moon;). People who express success physically and verbally are, well, more successful!

Seek meaning. Happiness comes from doing something that gives us pleasure and meaning. If your job doesn’t provide that, find something that does. It could be a hobby, volunteering, taking a course, or allowing time to read a book or cook something uber yummy.

Express gratitude. Be grateful for everything that makes your day better, from a colleague’s smile to your morning green smoothie. Think of three things each night before you go to bed, or anytime when you are feeling down.

Let me know what you think of all this below, or add your own tips to the comments. Join the Freedom Junkie tribe! Let’s get this party started;)


6 Things I Learned Getting My Ass Kicked Mountain Biking

A gorgeous tree and moon at a water break

I went mountain biking in Moab for the first time. Ever. I can’t believe I waited that long! Perhaps it was because mountain biking scares the shit out of me.

Yes I know…I climb mountains and travel to exotic places and miss kidnappings in Africa by a few hours yada yada but we ALL have things we are comfortable with and things we aren’t. And its different for all of us. For me, going fast freaks me out. That includes on two wheels on rocks.

But I’m improving, and now it scares me AND is pretty damn fun. Here are some things I learned while getting on trails a bit over my head, which I think apply to life in general. If you don’t think you’ll ever mountain bike, keep reading because you can learn what I did without having to do it. And if you LOVE mountain biking, please add your thoughts about what it (or any other sport) has taught you in the comments. Share the love!

1) When you want to go somewhere, focus on where you want to BE, and NOT on what you’re trying to avoid. If you see a tree you are trying to not hit, look at where you’d rather go instead. If you keeping looking at the tree in the hopes of avoiding it, guess where you’ll go? Yup. Into the tree. Focus more on what you want, and not on what you don’t want in life. A simple way to start doing this is to stop complaining…and start requesting.

2) Anticipate by looking downstream. This does not mean living in the future. It means being totally present with everything around you in the NOW. And when you are indeed present, you can actually better prepare for what is to come, because the path before you is that much more clear. Seeing only the rock 1 foot in front of you isn’t being present. it’s tunnel vision. Lift your chin up…what do you see?

Ana mountain biking
Beautiful rest spot (yes, that’s snot)

3) Be in Shape. You can’t hop off the couch and expect to have fun crawling uphill with a bike. You have to prepare for it and be fit enough to enjoy yourself – OR admit you are out of shape and do it anyway, knowing you are getting more fit as time goes on. But don’t be out of shape, bike uphill and hate it, then claim mountain biking isn’t fun. In life, when you want to do something, be prepared. And if you don’t prepare and you don’t achieve what you set out to, don’t blame it on what you were trying to do OR on who you are…instead, be better prepared next time. Yup, that means no excuses. Sorry.

4) Easy is boring. Easy is cool if you are injured or exhausted or sick. But barring those things, life is generally more spicy and juicy when a bit of challenge is involved. Not freaked-out-scared-shitless kind of challenge (at least not all the time), but stretching. I was scared to go on my first Moab ride so elected to do a “moderate” gravel road. It bored the hell out of me. It was hot and dusty and easy. I opted to turn around after 4 miles And mind you, I am anxious about riding.

I elected to go for a single track route. Awesome. Then I elected to go down a “black diamond” route which I super loved because I got to pull off sections of trail that I originally thought I wasn’t ready for. It was so scary and fun at the same time! There are few things more thrilling than doing something you thought you couldn’t do. And the only way you get to feel that is to try shit scared (see below).

5) You can always walk around. Choosing not to do something because of a few challenges will be safe, but it will also keep you from growing at the pace you are capable of, AND it can even lead you to stay stuck…and (heaven forbid) bored. I went down the aforementioned black diamond trail knowing full well that I would have to walk my bike down some sections. But guess what? That amounted to far fewer sections than I originally thought. What might you be avoiding just because of something you could simply “walk around” should it not work out?

kane creek canyon
view like this (in Kane Creek Canyon) are priceless

6) Do it scared. If you wait for fear to go away before doing something, it won’t happen. Fear is telling you something exciting is going on.  It tells you you’re on your edge and are about to grow. Or maybe you’ll screw up, but hell at least you’re not bored.

Fear will be there if you’re doing anything worthwhile, like a first date with a big crush, or a job interview for your ideal position, or traveling on your own for the first time, or going down a freakin’ steep trail with gorgeous views on two wheels. Do it anyway. Did you know that in studies on love, people rated their feelings of love higher on a date when there was an element of fear involved (i.e. a scary movie or a roller coaster ride)? Our entire being is stimulated by appropriate fear and excitement. Start seeing fear – in the absence of real immediate physical danger – as excitement. And do it!

What have you learned from doing something out of your comfort zone? Please share below! I’d love to hear from ya.

Days 114 to 117 – Full On Forgiveness

I’m at the Telluride Mountainfilm Festival and it has been full on for the last few days: amazing powerful films (Fambul Tok was one that particularly moved me), fun evenings, mountain bike rides in the San Juan mountains (pic to the left) and being inspired every which way I turn.

This film fest is not just about adventure films. It’s about social awareness (this year’s topic is Population) and hanging with a tribe of people hell bent on making a difference in this world.

I have so much to write about, but I only have my iPhone and my thumbs would fall off…so more later. But in the meantime, ponder this:

Fambul Tok (“family talk”) is about the grassroots reconciliation process that was created by Sierra Leonians after the horrifci civil war. Brothers had raped their friends sisters, best fiends killed each others’ parents, a man watched as someone killed his children as he his behind a bush to save his life and hopefully the rest of his family…horrid events that most of us are privileged to not have to ever witnessed.

But community is the most important value in the culture of Sierra Leone, and after the horrors, it was hard to come back as a family/community – and this proved unbearable for the survivors.

Me and Thai at the ice cream social – Mountainfilm, Telluride, CO

In this movie, people gathered around a campfire and forgave the atrocities committed by another- a woman hugged her rapist (who expressed remorse and shared how he had no choice but they were going to kill him otherwise), and they danced together around the fire. Two best friends reunited after one had first beat his friend then killed his friend’s fathers by slitting his throat (under command of the rebels that captured him at gunpoint). They now grow a garden together.

I tell you, it was fascinating to watch. I will write more about this later, but it made me think:

1) our culture would have said they had a choice, that they could have been killed rather than commit those atrocities. But in Sierra Leone, they completely understood the human desire to preserve their own life, and this helped forgive

2) forgiveness is a state of mind that can happen so quickly if we let it

3) what do I value so much that it puts my pain second? (like in Sierra leone, it was the need to live like a family again. The pain of isolation and living as insidious was more awful than the pain of what had happened)

…I have many thoughts on this. I’d love to hear yours, and I’d love for you to watch this if you get a chance!

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting anaverzone.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call on the Law of Attraction at anaverzone.com/jedi-juice

Days 110 to 113 Loving is Awesome and Scary

Last night I got home from an awesome biz conference in the gorgeous town of Asheville, North Carolina (there are fireflies! FIREFLIES! little tinkerbells!). I had an very cool time at our “Come As You Are In 2017” party. I pretended that my vest was of camel fur that I found in Mongolia, and that I worked 6 months a year and traveled and hung out with my family in epic places the rest of the time. Ooooh there is more. It was juicy.

Here’s a pic of some of us. To the left are some pretty incredible women entrepreneurs. To start is there is AudreyReynolds, epic travel consultant, of BeYourOwnTravel Hero.com. Then there’s post-partum botique doula, Devon Clement, of MamasBestFriend.com, (me of Anaverzone.com) and Lani Harmon – supah natural light photographer and inner radiance capturer of, duh, LaniHarmon.com. There were also women helping families with the challenge of autism, travel photography coaches, legacy story capturers, gluten-free mentors…on and on!

a few of us at the Come As You Are in 2017 party

The biggest lesson from that: many of us tried to think about what to wear or what we’d look like, but in the end, it was about how we were feeling in 2017, what we had accomplished, what we were creating, what we had learned...and, for me, how we had loved.

When my partner, Thai, opened the door after I arrived from the airport at 1am, I was soooooo happy to see him. Like, hugging and cuddling and holding-for-several-minutes-before-tearing-the-clothes-off kind of missing. And as we fell asleep, I found myself wanting to stay awake, just holding him and being held by him, reveling in being able to totally be present with experiencing my love for him.Wanting to stretch out the minutes into hours and days. I wanted to so KNOW this feeling inside and out, so that I may recognize it as it passed me by on the street, or to sense it in the air.

I played with opening my heart more and more. I felt this warmth overcome me. I had flashbacks of when we first met 12 years ago, his helping me open my first email account in Kathmandu (“anapurnas” my username;), the subsequent love letters sent over that email…the struggle to try to make it work, but the distance that made it so difficult. The 12 years between during which we were friends. And more recently, hearing him tell me as we fall asleep by rivers and mountains that sometimes he can’t believe he is finally with me, that’s it’s me next to him.

I am brought to tears as I can’t believe the same thing. He’s here. Right next to me. Let me feel this fully and deeply.

Thank fucking god he’s asleep, cuz this would look kinda weird, me all pretzled around him with wet eyes and wide awake staring at him.

Then I got scared. My heart wanted to close. The idea of loving someone so much was kind of freaky. I was full-on basking in love, but not full-on opening my heart.

I don’t even have kids…but the idea of loving another being so much is so powerful, and it created a pause.

I let myself imagine what it would be like, to love completely and with reckless abandon, mindful presence, and respect. There was a sappy movie called, “The Vow” on the flight home, and the one thing said in it that stood out the most to me was this phrase:

I promise to fiercely love you, in all your forms

Deep breath. Don’t we ALL deserve that?! And, we all MUST experience loving another in that way, whether it is our parents, or our children, or our partners. And then we need to extend it to ourselves. Ironically, perhaps we need to start with ourselves…

So the protecting, the pause…I’m OK with it for now. This is juicy, precious stuff. I AM juicy, precious stuff. And so are you. I choose to see this pause as a bow to myself, my sacredness.

I will love fully. This I know because, as Hafiz says below:

Your love
Should never be offered to the mouth of a
Stranger,
Only to someone
Who has the valor and daring
To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife
Then weave them into a blanket
To protect you.

…and he has done this 🙂

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, mentor and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Freedom Junkie ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FullOn365.com Her new site and blog, Anaverzone.com, will be up to rock your world soon!

Days 106 to 109 – The Culture of Nasty

Yowza! What a full-on past few days! I had an awesome Jedi Juice training call on The Power of Choice (and the Freedom of Owning Your Shit!) with supah cool peeps, received my badass Co-Active Coaching Certification (yeah…not required but I’m a geek that way), launched the newest version of my Ziji Up Mastery Program that starts June 17th to my Jedi Juice Peeps (no worries – the early bird launch goes public next week!), and I am flying to beautiful Asheville, North Carolina as I write this in the Chicago United lounge. I’m going to spend a few days with my business coach, Christine Kane. She is always so cool to hang with. I can’t wait to get there and have a glass of wine at my fave French bistro…

In the meantime, holy crappers I couldn’t believe some of the rudeness that I saw on the plane today. A woman’s baby was crying and she was doing her best to try to calm her down, and someone says, “Hey ma’am, can’t you just give your kid a pacifier or something?” and people kept staring over their shoulders at her and sighing and giving her dirty looks like sitting there was SO MUCH HARDER than having to actually deal with your baby.

Here I am in Asheville heading out for a hike before my biz conference begins tomorrow. It’s gorgeous here!

LIKE THAT HELPS, people! And like she didn’t already think of a pacifier, douchebag! That’s almost as bad as a guy I saw ask a lady to give her one year old gum to chew on. Yeah. That would work. Because it would block her airway when she choked on it and then we could have an emergency landing. I guess she’d stop crying…WTF?

Then, everyone had the shades down as the movie was on. We got served drinks, and shortly after, everyone had to simul-pee. The seatbelt light goes off and then there’s a huge line of people. This older man starts tripping out, disoriented, thinking the plane has landed. He tries to get his bags. His wife is frantically trying to tell him he CAN’T get off the plane and people are staring and telling him to sit down and chill out all aggressive-like. So he starts freaking out, shaking and yelling. The wife starts to calm him down and its working. I can sense this because they are across the aisle from me.

Then the flight attendants come and say to his wife – in front of him – that if he doesn’t chill out they’ll have to HANDCUFF him. So he starts freaking out again! The wife is crying, saying how he used to be a professor and was so smart, and begging people to please be patient because his mind isn’t working right. That they have a grandson in Chicago and this is a big trip for him. How she just needs a few more minutes, then she can calm him down. And people are still pissed! He’s not even hitting anyone or swearing. At this point, he’s not even yelling.

I ask people (yes, nicely) to please open their shades (movie was over) so that he can see we are in a plane flying in the air. People are annoyed, but comply. His wife points out the window and he sees clouds. He has this look that’s like, “Ohhh! Ya mean we’re 30,000 freakin’ feet in the air! Why didn’t ya say so!” He starts calming down, and eventually they take their seats across from me. And people keep staring over their shoulders. Like that’s the thing a demented person needs – people staring at them confirming their paranoid thoughts. I grew up with a schizo-affective father (that means he had both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder) so I am a little more sensitive to these things;)

I mean for realz, where has our society gone? Do we all think WE aren’t going to get sick, get old, or get a little (or a lot) loopy; or do we really believe that WE never cried and pissed other people off when we were kids…I mean, it appears people have forgotten what it means to live in a society with babies, and old people, and people with mental illnesses, and crazy wild women like myself. I like to do yoga by the bathrooms – so what! I’m not bugging anyone, and I won’t be the one getting a blood clot either. So there.

I am so pissed at the disrespect I saw! (Can you tell?!).

Guess what. We are humans – even YOU! And we have to do this thing while on this planet called living in a body. And shit goes wrong with that body. When you’re tiny, your eustachian tubes get squeezed shut as air pressure changes and it feels like you’ve got a knife stabbing into your brain. You’d cry too. And probably whine while you’re at it.

When you get old, no matter how much fish oil you take or how much you exercise, or how much you meditate on white light and eat organic food, you too could get really sick – physically and/or mentally. And you will hope people are patient with you – and the family that is taking care of you.

So be nice, will ya? Don’t stare. Smile. Try to help. We’re all doing our best out here.

Since when did we have to be perfect to be public? As my friend, Lani Harmon, said, “It’s a culture of nasty.”

No thank you! Let’s gather our tribe and be über nice today to make up for the nasties, okay?

 

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting anaverzone.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call on the Law of Attraction at anaverzone.com/jedi-juice

Days 101 to 105 The Good Fear – FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)

Well dog my cats! I went pack rafting today and didn’t shit my pants! I have this thing with drowning…and the way I tend to address my fears is dive straight into them. Inevitably they seem far less freaky than what my mind was making up. Buuuuut with whitewater kayaking or pack rafting, it feels a little harder to embrace being dumped into a rapid, upside down. It’s that “airway” thing, I guess.

The depths of the ocean freaked me out, so I learned to scuba dive. It was much prettier and mellow down there than the dark muddied world of ugly gray breasts that I’d made up whenever a strand of seaweed would brush against my leg at the beaches in Santa Cruz.

Heights made me dizzy so I learned to climb, and discovered that getting over that fear for the kick ass views was well worth it.

Here I am after packrafting Clear Creek, where it runs into the Klamath River

I was afraid to have my heart hurt again, so I flung it wide open for my soul mate, who is – as I write this on my iPhone on the banks of Clear Creek – on my mountainbike riding uphill 8 miles to go get the car, which we left at the put-in upriver. We’re uber happy, to say the least;)

In any event, until recently, I allowed myself to be afraid of whitewater, because I figured it’s ok to be afraid of <em>something,</em> right? But then whenever my friends did it, I felt like I was missing out. They’d come back all tan and happy, and with this cool shared experience. And deep down, I knew I could do it. And deep down, I wish I was better at it. So, I did it:)

Hey! There is it again! That fear I’ve written about a few times: FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out.

Well thank God for FOMO. Without it, I might be better rested and comfortable, but because of it, I keep having amazing new experiences, meeting absolutely amazing people, playing in the wilderness, getting stronger in body, mind, and spirit…and heart. And I feel ALIVE!

Of course, you don’t have to be on whitewater or a mountain to feel alive. We all have our own thing for that.

What is yours? What helps you feel alive?

And what are you fearing you might be missing out on? What could you do to drop into it and have a cool experience?

Does it require you to call a friend, or go on a date by yourself and check out that new wine bar and hit up that long yet awesome movie you’ve been wanting to see? Does it mean you need to stop protecting your heart so much that you don’t take anymore risks?

FOMO is a good fear – at least for me. The fear of missing out often overpowers the fear of whatever it is before me. And I grow as a result. I mean, I’m with my freakin’ soulmate!!!

It keeps me on my toes, taking inner and outer risks, and opening to the opportunities that the Universe present before me.

This planet is so utterly, epically, über amazing. Being human is such a precious gift. Our spirits and hearts are so much more resilient and magnificent than we can ever imagine them to be.

So, what’s your FOMO? Please do share below! I’d love to hear from you.

 

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting Anaverzone.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call on the Law of Attraction at anaverzone.com/jedi-juice

Days 96 to 100 Happy Dance! What I’ve Learned After 100 Days of Living Full On

Yeehaw! It is hard to believe that I started this journey just over 100 days ago (I wrote this late last night which was technically Day 101;) Since coming back from the river over the long weekend, I’ve had some time to reflect on what I’ve learned so far on this year-long (and hopefully lifetime!) adventure.

I was on the Smith River Monday and Tuesday, and as I pulled into town after those awesome days on the water, I noticed several things: 1) I was undeniably tan. SO TAN compared to others here in the Pacific Northwest just coming out of the Winter/Spring transition. And despite my history of melanoma, it meant to me that I was playing outside, which made me happy;)

2) I also noticed that I was so relaxed the rest of the week, and that I was less easily irritated and much more patient and present…and freakin’ HAPPY!

I know this shot is cheesy, but I’m singin’ it anyway – 100 days, baby!!!!

Well, I did admittedly catch on fire a bit when someone had been snarky with a student midwife I was teaching. I got all motherly and protective! You should have seen it. I reared up for her like a mama moose;) This happened in the privacy of the two of us hanging out, of course (I have learned a bit of diplomacy over the years) – but I found it more entertaining than unsettling. I’m not kidding though – other than that incident, it was like even if I had WANTED to get pissy I couldn’t have. It was awesome! And this has been growing ever since I started this challenge.

It has been interesting observing my mind this week and reflecting on how things have changed since I started this challenge. Something would happen and I’d say, “Oh bummer. This is totally going to irritate me.” Then I’d wait for the reaction…and it wouldn’t come! I watched it happen a few more times and I thought, “Damn! This shit really works!”

What shit am I referring to?

  • self love
  • compassion
  • responding instead of reacting
  • observing the mind throughout the day (and sitting meditation)
  • taking care of my body – rest AND exercise…and I suppose lots of great sex doesn’t hurt either;)
  • honoring my values
  • surrounding myself with good friends and family
  • making decisions (even HUGE ones!) based on integrity with who I am and what my dreams are
  • building my confidence and courage to take the actions that move me forward towards my dreams
  • striving to be as present as possible with the people I interact with
  • being outdoors as much as possible
  • …and more

In short, all those things make up the definition of what Living Full On means for me. And when I do all those things, I am a happier, more joyous, more compassionate, patient,

Just for kicks I thought I’d toss in this photo of my Happy Mentor: my mom. Hee hee! She’s 77!

loving, and present person. So don’t think for a moment that living Full On is a selfish thing! When you live Full On, you bring light and love and joy to the world.

I think the last time I felt like this – energized, passionate, calm, present, happy, patient, loving, compassionate – so consistently was when I was a climbing guide and living out of my car. It was brilliant. And it IS brilliant to feel that again.

I confirmed what I knew to be true but had a hard time implementing and experiencing in a balanced and regular way while working full-time (and then some;) and living far from big mountains: that I CAN feel that way again. I can feel that way without having to be in the mountains every day of my life and doing scary shit and traveling to remote places. Yes, I WANT to keep doing those things – and WILL. But there is a peace that come from finding this SOURCE, this place to tap into wherever I am.

It doesn’t mean it is OK to ignore my values of being in the outdoors, or finding adventures, or feeling healthy and sexy and alive. It simply means that when I can’t get or do exactly what I want, I am learning how to still feed my soul, and how to do so in a balanced way.

I think the next chapter of this journey is going to involve learning more about balance…refining this dance of living Full On every day.

I’d love to hear about what you do to find balance in your life to give me some ideas for what’s coming up. Please let me know in the comments below. I’m sure others will love to read about it as well! So…

How do YOU balance your passions with other parts of your life?

Also, what does Living Full On mean for you?

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, mentor and Freedom Junkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Freedom Junkie ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting www.FullOn365.com

Days 91 to 95 – Stop Comparing

I have spent the last few days camping at the Cal-Salmon River (yup, that’s in California;). Gorgeous! We came here because Thai is a great paddler and there was a river race of sorts. I hung out with a ton of Badasses. I am badass in my own way (and in case you are wondering, so are YOU!) but we were amongst serious badass water dogs. Having almost drowned twice as a child, a “water dog,” I am not. But I’m kind of a water puppy;)

I had a great time hanging with the peeps, especially my old college friend, Haven, who happened to be parked right next to us when we rolled into town (she had also just read a recent FullOn365.com post!). We hadn’t seen each other for over 15 years). Dozens of peeps played on the water (I even went down a river with a guy in a whitewater canoe!), howled at the moon (well, mostly I did that), and did a little ruckus-raising. No one got hurt during the Class V race, and all was groovy.

I enjoyed myself, even though I am not a good whitewater boater. Suffice it to say, the ability to do that has taken some time to cultivate.

I realized how far I’ve come with minimizing comparisons in my life, and it thrills me! They still happen, of course, but I have to say: I am feeling that all the work I’ve done around recognizing my own unique self-worth has paid off. A few years ago, I would have obsessed all day and night about how I might be able to be as good a kayaker as everyone else, or how I could appear more badass in their eyes…on and on…

It would have been exhausting.

Instead, when I had one of my classic comparison thoughts that goes something like, “(Sigh) my boyfriend probably would love me more if I was a better kayaker,” (I KNOW…we humans are such strange creatures to torture ourselves like that!!!), I quickly had the “antidote” thought and feeling that I LOVE being me, that I need to continue to love life on my terms, being authentic in who I am… Oh yeah, and that my partner loves me lots right NOW, thank you very much. And if he didn’t…oh well. Life is too short to pretend you are someone you’re not. WAY too short.

It’s also too short to be boxing yourself into a limited idea about who you THINK you are…but that’s another post.

All you’re doing when you’re being authentic is calling in the people who will lift you up, and creating space between you and the people who won’t celebrate you, and being relaxed in your BEING and in being fully present to each moment.

So, why do we bother with pretending, or wishing to be someone we’re not? Comparing ourselves to others, and essentially attracting people who won’t celebrate us?! We do it all the time…usually because we don’t don’t believe that we are enough – so we don’t think anyone would celebrate the authentic ME anyway, or that because we fall into old patterns of trying to please or impress.

I know at first it can seem hard to trust that you are completely lovable and amazing as you ALREADY are, and that there are people who would celebrate you as you are (and who likely do already). But you know what? That is the truth.

I went through some serious crap to figure that out (you can check out my bio for a few details about how). And if you’d like, you can choose to go through more crap yourself to figure out how awesome you truly are, right here and right now. OR you can try to trust me on this one, OK? Trust that I am not bullshitting you when I say, “You are more than enough.”

It was awesome letting go of comparing, and I was able to have such a better time! And I found that when you stop comparing, you can more fully celebrate others as well, which was supah fun to do around so many talented people.

Plus, I got to show off my badass manifesting skills for some balance. See, I am really good at manifesting, and my boyfriend is still somewhat confused by it, so I like to show him every now and then.

He had been checking out this rescue best they were raffling off. I said, “Let’s buy a few tickets and I’ll win it for you.” we bought three tickets. I said, “Remind me what it is we’re trying to win, again? A PFD or something?” “Rescue vest he says. So they call numbers, and I get momentarily bummed when our number isn’t called for one of the other prizes. But I remind myself that is simply because our number was going to be called for the vest.

So they get down to the vest, and they say “0-5-2” and I jump up psyched! Our number! The irony of the only chick who didn’t paddle there winning the grand prize of a high-tech rescue vest wasn’t lost on me. I quickly handed it to my boyfriend to avoid bitter vibes;)

Oh, and while I was on a roll at doing things imperfectly and having a great time, we visited our friend John in Arcata and I painted my first oil painting! That’s a pic of it above. Doing things imperfectly is fun;)

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting anaverzone.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call on the Law of Attraction at anaverzone.com/jedi-juice