12 Essential Questions

A lot of people ask me what I do for the New Year since resolutions seem to resonate less and less with how people wanted to enter into this important transition. After all, more resolutions are broken than kept, and that doesn’t feel like a way to enter the New Year with integrity.

With the traditional resolutions, people often find themselves stuck in the same place year after year – even with having the best of intentions and setting achievable goals that seem totally doable. Goals they really really want! Some have been wanting them for decades! Let’s stop that stuckness right now.

It’s time to shake, woman…shake! 

It’s time to step into your wildness, your true desires, your heart-centered visions for your life with the most astute observation, integrity, wisdom, generosity and compassion that you can muster

Before deciding what you want to create in the upcoming year and setting your intentions for those, it is absolutely essential to reflect upon and learn about yourself and your patterns so that you don’t repeat the same mistakes and find yourself in the same old rut – again. Not doing this is why many intentions – aka “resolutions” – fail.

It’s only in knowing what we do right now that we can choose how to do things differently, or choose what patterns to keep and which to let go of. Doing things differently when something isn’t working, and keeping up the things that actually serve us, is how we create better experiences in our life – and lasting happiness too. Yummm right?!

That’s why I want to share with you my personal list of favorite Year-In-Review Questions to help make sure your whole being is prepped for making your next year the Best Year Yet. I’ve found that I create the most success in my life – personally and professionally – when I take the time to reflect on the past with the intention of learning and growing (and not for ruminating or lamenting!).

While creating goals and setting intentions are an important part of actively creating a kick-ass New Year, I’ve learned that BEFORE we do that, we need to reflect on what journeys we have been through, what has happened within us in the past year, so we can approach the next year more skillfully and with deeper wisdom.

I believe this is why “resolutions” are now often seen as clichéd and de-valued. People usually enter into resolutions without mindfulness, true emotional investment, or reflection on what would really make a difference, and a solid plan. Those things are the difference between a “good idea” and a “goal.” A good idea is just that – an idea. A Goal/Intention/Resolution, on the other hand, has a clear vision and a plan – a plan based on reflection and wisdom gained.Starting here is an essential part of building a good foundation for your next year.

After years of doing this every December, here are my favorite questions to ask myself. Have fun doing this! You are going to learn and grow from it, which means you’ll be far less likely to make the same mistakes and be more able to create your ideal life. Juicy, baby!

Pick a time when you have some quiet, uninterrupted space, light some candles (I’m into candles;), pour a glass of your favorite beverage, take a few moments to breathe deeply and calm your mind, and start in on creating the life of your dreams.

12 Essential Freedom Junkie Questions to Review Your Year - and Learn To Make the Next One Your Best Year Yet!

1) What am I most proud of from this past year?

2) WHO helped me achieve that – and did I thank them?

3) WHAT helped me achieve those things (habits, systems, choosing helpful mindsets, letting go of toxic relationships, etc)?

4) Who (or How) was I BEING in my life when I was most content this last year (confident, laid-back, present, slowed-down, adventurous, generous, healthy, compassionate…)?

5) Where could I have invested more energy (and “energy” means time, money, emotions, attention)?

6) What blocked me from investing that energy?

7) How can I remove some of those blocks/obstacles for the upcoming year?

8) What and/or Who did I take for granted this year?

9) How can I honor those people or things more next year?

10) What did I do to nourish my spiritual growth (retreat, regular practice, new supportive relationships, etc)?

11) Was it enough? If not, how can I add to that?

12) What was my take-home lesson from my most intense or powerful experiences in the past 12 months? (Everything happens for a reason!)

I dare you to take one action today based on these reflections. When you write things down – and share them – they take on even more power. If you’re shy, feel free to simply journal or send an email to me about what you plan to do. I’d really love to hear from you!

Have fun reflecting on your past year. It’s a truly valuable and simple “Jedi skill:” to actually learn from our past!

*** If you’re interested in a really awesome way to make the next year your best one yet, join Freedom School. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. This is an amazing group of rebel women committed to creating lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. You can even gift a Freedom School membership to someone that you know could use the boost and come together! You’ll dive into getting clear about: what you want, how to clear your life of the things you don’t, skills for living an authentic life so you are out there being YOU and not what other people want you to be, and more.

If creating the life you love includes drinking less in the New Year, Freedom School also gives you access to Drink Less, Feel Free, a 4-week program where you learn ways to free yourself from overdrinking. The tools here worked for me – and hundreds of others. You can also give it as a gift to someone you love that has repeatedly told you they wish they didn’t always overdrink. Life is too short to waste hungover or feeling guilty, right? Plus, saying you’ll do something and then not doing it screws with your self-confidence. This program is set up to give you the support and accountability you need.

Letting Go of Outdated Dreams

Did you know I used to live out of my 1997 Volvo station wagon? For 7 years it served me well. There was just enough room for me to curl up in my sleeping bag, and I had two small crates of clothes and a HUGE bin of climbing gear. Colorful prayer flags streamed from my roof rack, and my friends could find me by looking for these flags in any crag parking lot.
Later I lived out of a large 1990s Dodge Ram 15-passenger van, lovingly named Chomolungma (the local name for Mount Everest). She was a beautiful baby blue, and eventually died a peaceful death as I was driving her across the Bay Bridge in San Francisco.
Since then, I’ve often blogged about how I missed living simply in that way – having everything I needed in my vehicle so I could drive anywhere on a moment’s notice.
Recently, I ended up buying a 2003 Ford Econoline 350 Sportsmobile van, a beast of a van whom I appropriately named Mama Bear. I’m having the best time playing with her! It was a great decision – the freedom she offers me and my family when we travel is fan-freakin-tastic. (In case you’re wondering, I’m not going to use the #vanlife hashtag here – it feels weird for me, since living out of vehicles has been a mainstay for climbers for decades, and I feel I am returning home vs joining a new movement ;).

It feels good to be home.

Why have I decided to go retro (for me) with my travels and adventures?
Part of the reason is I realized some of my dreams of the adventurous life I wanted to live with my family were outdated. 
In my 20s and 30s, I felt the most adventurous way to travel was to go far (ideally at least 9 time zones away) and long (5-6 weeks minimum).
I also still had my dirtbag mentality that if I was going to spend $1800 on a plane ticket, I better make it worth it and stay as long as possible. That makes a lot of sense when you only make $1800 a month as a climbing guide. Not so much now in my life.
My husband and I stuck to these far-and-long travel goals really well – even after our daughter was born. Twice a year we would go to Asia or Africa with her for 4-6 weeks, plus many shorter trips in-between. I felt so…unconventional!
Until I didn’t.
Instead, I discovered I started to feel freakin’ stressed about it!
I was definitely the primary caregiver on trips, and while my husband paraglided, I was often alone with my kiddo in a foreign land. It was somewhat boring a lot of the time since I was limited in what I could do with a toddler, and I craved adult conversations and a good friend, despite the epic surroundings and amazing cultures I was experiencing.
I also enjoyed working on my business on these trips, since that’s a long time to go without creating something fun for my peeps. Slow internet in these remote areas (if I was lucky to have it at all) totally stressed me out. I am not as patient with technology as I used to be).
For some reason, I didn’t “need” 4-6 weeks off anymore either. That might have something to do with not being able to do 30-day expeditions as much;)
With a kid, I also found that returning from long trips abroad meant messed up sleep schedules for her (and therefore me) for a long time. It also meant the house was a shit-show while I unpacked from being gone for so long. Inevitably some plant died or some house item broke while we were away, and I’d have to deal with a broken hot water heater or a clogged up toilet on top of everything else.
I eventually realized that for this stage of my life, I wanted to take vacations with friends and be completely unplugged – for shorter periods of time.
Gasp!
I wanted to not have my travels completely throw me off my game anymore. I love creating through my work, and work wasn’t something I needed to escape for as long anymore. I love serving others. And I didn’t need to be away from friends and family for long periods of time either (must be that I am intentionally creating my community to be full of pretty rad people!).
I would rather hang out with a girlfriend and my kiddo gazing up at steep granite peaks from an alpine tarn in the Sierra Nevada mountains of California than chill out above a glacier in the Himalaya sans a friend.
Conversely, I’d rather go to the Himalaya and be there 2.5 weeks completely unplugged than try to stress about internet connections and finding friends to hang out with for an additional month.
It took a lot to accept this shift, and I’m still integrating it.
I had to let go of an identity and a judgement that if I wasn’t doing something utterly exotic far away and for over a month, I wasn’t leading a truly adventurous life. Sure, other people could think car camping was adventurous, but I had the belief that I was supposed to be an example of what level of adventure was possible with a family. I believe am that…but the way I was doing it was no longer honoring my new evolving self.
Recently I was sitting at an alpine tarn with a wise friend celebrating my birthday when she reflected back to me that indeed, it can be hard to let go of outdated dreams. That phrase hit me like a train.
Outdated dreams.
Exactly! That’s what was going on!
I was trying to live a dream that no longer applied to who I had evolved into.
I was resisting this new desire because instead of seeing that I evolved into a new person, I thought I was de-volving into a more …boring person.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Me trying to live an outdated dream had me feeling incomplete and stressed.
Embracing my new dreams – adventures with friends and being totally unplugged on those adventures so I could be fully present the entire time – has me feeling excited and passionate about my travel again.
I’ve got a road trip planned in Mama Bear this November, and I’m going to leave her with some friends in New Mexico and drive her to my slice of heaven in Baja come Spring. I’m going to head to Asia or Africa or South America next year and plan to meet up with friends and stay for less time so I don’t need to be plugged in at all while there. I’m going to be so much more relaxed on those trips and just allow myself to savor every moment.
I am so fucking psyched.
What dream are you holding onto that you’ve outgrown?
Are you telling yourself you “should” hold onto it because you’d be failing if you let it go?
Could it be that instead, you have evolved into a new version of yourself with different needs and different dreams that are just as valid and perhaps even more thrilling?
Try to see what happens when you let go of that outdated dream and live into new ones. What happens when you honor yourself and what you want…now?
For me, so far, so freakin‘ good!

***

If you want to join a tribe of people that will help you navigate this wild and precious life, come check out Freedom School – for rebels like you. It’s not just personal growth for rebels. It’s Jedi training for the new world.

why we let ourselves down

If you’re anything like me (or most humans), you start off with good intentions, make a promise to yourself to do things differently, and then don’t follow through.

You may say things like, “I will only have one glass of wine tonight” and it ends up being 3 (or more).

Maybe you say, “I won’t spend anymore money on clothes,” which works fine until the next Patagonia sale.

You might even say, “ I will not go on a second date with someone that does not reach out to me first,” which you stick to like glue until you feel extra lonely on a Friday night.

WTF? Why do we do that? Why do we go against our word…especially when its our word to ourselves?

Here’s the deal. Most people (and to be honest, many coaches themselves) focus on taking action “no matter what.” That means the emphasis is on taking action even if that action goes against every thought running through your head.

So you think, “Having another glass of wine is going to feel sooooo good.” Then you fight that thought all night and you succeed and succeed…until you don’t.

You think, “Buying that will be soooooo fun!” Then you fight that thought…until you don’t.

You think, “I am so afraid of being alone the rest of my life.” And you fight that with all your might….until you can’t anymore, and give in to the booty call.

Do you see a pattern here? No matter how many times you’ve successfully taken an action (or non-action, like refraining from going out for that booty call), if the underlying thought doesn’t change, you will eventually give in to your desires.

Resisting a powerful thought or feeling does not work in the long-run.

My colleague, Brooke Castillo, likens resisting your desires to pushing a beach ball under water and trying to hold it there. When you are resisting your desires, you can keep it up for awhile, but you can’t keep it up forever. You eventually have to let go.

A side note for those of you that cringe at the idea of resisting your desires: This isn’t about resisting healthy desires. This is about those desires we have that don’t serve our higher selves.

If you’ve been with me for awhile, you know I talk about how thoughts create our beliefs, which create our feelings, which create our actions, and ultimately create our reality/life experience.

In order to change our feelings (like a strong desire) we need to change our thoughts. Yes, we can try to change the action through resisting, but in most cases, since the thought is still there, we eventually can’t keep up with trying to change the action.

Unless we change our thoughts, the feeling that drives the actions we take does not change and ultimately, our actions don’t permanently change.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could change out behavior and have it feel…easy? To have it not be a constant battle with our feelings? And to have that change be permanent?

If we want to create a new reality – not buying something we don’t need; not having “just one more” drink or one more slice of pizza; not going out with people who don’t truly appreciate and love us, or anything else that doesn’t serve our evolution as human beings – we need to change our thoughts about the situation.

Start here:

:: What feeling do you think doing x, y, or z will make you feel? Do you think it will make you feel happy? Strong? Loved? That’s your current thought. (“Eating this will make me feel better.” “Going out with them will help me feel connected/loved.”)

:: Notice that the way you feel after thinking that thought is often a shittier feeling than you intended (weak, needy, self-pity, self-hatred, etc.), which is why you do something that makes you feel shitty in the end (crazy, right?!)

:: What different thought do you need to have in order to feel the way you want to feel, that isn’t dependent on someone else or doing something that isn’t healthy for you? (“I don’t need this glass of wine – I like to feel energized and fully present every day.” “I am more than enough as I am.” “This is exactly what I am supposed to be feeling right now.”

Make that thought your new best friend.

Don’t worry if this doesn’t come easily. This is stuff I teach my clients over and over again, and I continue to practice it myself every day.

But you must start trying.

***

Ready to dive deeper into this? Check out Freedom School and see what everyone’s obsessed about. It’s not just group coaching. It’s a mindset revolution that you won’t want to miss.

let people be wrong about you

Here’s a little secret: one of the most relaxing things you can do for yourself – better than a spa vacation in a remote mountain area or trolling a fishing line by your kayak in the Sea of Cortez – is to let people be wrong about you.

I know – it sounds crazy, right? But think about it. How much mental energy goes into protecting our image, defending our stance, or worrying about what other people think about us?

Answer: a shit-ton.

Here’s a quirky thing you might not know about me: I received a near-perfect score on the “logic” portion of the Graduate Record Exam (the GRE is a hideous, multi-hour test you have to take for most graduate program admissions). You might think, “Wow! That’s awesome, Ana! You’re life much be so much easier because you’re all logical and shit.”

Not.

Life is actually harder when you not only feel you are right, but know you are often right. This is because most of the time, us humans are super illogical, so no amount of logic can easily change our thoughts, behavior or how we feel. We do things not based on our rational brain, but on how we think something will make us feel. And most of us want to avoid hard feelings, so we do super illogical things like overeat when we are stressed out about trying to lose weight, or snap at our partner when we want to grow closer to them.

Silly humans!

So you see: the way people think – and the way people think about you – actually has nothing to do with logic (which is super frustrating for someone with a very logical brain;) You will likely never be able to convince them they are wrong, because they don’t actually think what they about you because they have a logical reason for why they are “right.” They think what they do about you because of how it makes them feel.

Mind-blowing, right?

So your partner, who swears you never told them about the party tonight and defends it to their core (even though you know you told him 2 weeks ago)?

It likely won’t help to repeatedly describe the exact details of when and how you told them. Why? Maybe they need to believe it wasn’t their fault that they forgot so they can feel good about themselves. Who knows! But the point is, life will get much easier if you let go of trying to convince them otherwise. Just help them get their pants on and get out the door.

Your (read: my) online hater who writes you a scathing email about how lovely your life must be since you grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth/have a rich husband who supports you/(insert made-up story here)?

It won’t matter to write back and say, “Um, no. I grew up poor and in the ghetto and with a schizophrenic father and a mother that took her stress out on me. And I make more than my husband, thank you very much.” They need to think that about you for a reason. Anything you do or say likely won’t help, because they don’t want to feel differently.

This goes back to one of the main things I teach in my Ziji Up! confidence course: our thoughts create our feelings – and only YOU can change your own thoughts. When people have a thought about you in order to avoid experiencing a hard feeling, trying to change their thoughts about it with logic will be like Sisyphus rolling the proverbial boulder uphill. Don’t bother.

THEY need to go in there and change their thoughts when they are ready and willing. When someone is avoiding a hard feeling, they are NOT going to let you in their head to mess with that unless they are good and ready.

So you see, it’s easier to just let go of what other people think of you. It has nothing to do with you. It’s them. It’s about how they not just want – but need – to feel about themselves in that moment. And trust me: we all do this.

When I know I am right about something and my husband thinks otherwise, I often say to him, “But that doesn’t make any sense!!!!” (followed by a deep, guttural growl and the suppression of the GRE-style logical reasoning to accompany it). And truly, it doesn’t. But that doesn’t matter.

The reason I think it’s so important for me to be right is because I am doing the same thing! Oh, the irony…

I think correcting his thoughts about me will make me feel better. Loved, seen, heard, understood…all those “good” things that seem like important and valid reasons for arguing back. But what’s really happening is I am creating more distance between us, and more suffering as a result – in him, and in me.

Silly humans.

So next, time, I can focus on letting go of what he thinks about me, even when it’s something wrong and “bad” about me. The ironic thing is that allowing wrong thoughts about me would allow us to grow closer. I can let go, move on, and he will feel a nice “victory” and we can get on with having fun in life.

The same kind of freedom happens when we don’t react to anyone else who has negative opinions about us – and when we don’t let what others think about us affect the way we feel.

The next time you start obsessing about how someone is thinking something “wrong” about you, remind yourself that it isn’t about you. They want to feel better in that moment, and they need to think that about you to keep it going.

You know the truth of yourself.

You have the capacity of a big, open heart that can let people think wrong things about you – because you know they are hurting in a big or small way, and that they need that “win” for the moment.

So go on: let people be wrong about you. There are way better things to be thinking, feeling, and doing.

That is true freedom…

Here’s to you feeling it!

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Ready to dive deeper into this? Check out Freedom School and see what everyone’s obsessed about. It’s not just group coaching. It’s a mindset revolution that you won’t want to miss.

How to Get Out of Your Own Way – Choice, Not Chance

createmorefreedom“The first act of freedom is to choose it.” ~ William James

Life is about making choices.

This has become sooooo apparent to me this past year as I attempt to intentionally design my life for the next few years. I felt an overwhelming sense of decision fatigue – the kind I feel walking into a supermarket and trying to buy toothpaste seeing shelves upon shelves of various forms of spearmint vs peppermint (?!!) and would I rather have whitening power or flouride… but on a larger scale.

(BTW this is why I LOVE traveling to developing countries where I walk up to a wooden kiosk and ask for toothpaste and they slap on the counter the one kind they have, and I happily walk away having found my toothpaste).

While not many of life’s choices are as lightweight as choosing between flavors of toothpaste, we make them every day – ALL day – without being conscious of many of them. This tendency to go into autopilot and not realize we are making choices in each moment can bite us in the butt.
What you choose and how you make choices (or don’t make them) is central to your inner confidence and sense of authenticity.

Choices do, however, come in two flavahs:

1) ACTIVE: When you make something happen and live with the consequences, and
2) PASSIVE: When you “choose not to choose,” and continue to live with the status quo because the stakes appear too high for any changes choice might bring. This one can be a comfy place, but it gets booooooooooring.

Active choices can be painful. Feelings of fear and vulnerability often come along with the territory. When you acknowledge you have choice in the matter, you are more exposed (cross dem legs!). Alas, just because we know what’s best for us doesn’t make it any easier.

This active choice-making is risky, too. The most difficult choices don’t have any absolute right or wrong; there is no perfect solution. It takes great inner confidence (and courage) to face these hard decisions.

On the other hand, putting off decisions, or not taking the time to clarify what it is you want or believe in (which in general leads to crappy choices), can have serious backlashes in the way of stress, depression, discouragement, a total lack of feeling authentic, and even physical illness.

Procrastination and ignorance seldom have any favorable results. But that’s kind of obvious.

The take-home point is this: Once you accept that your choices create your experience and your reality, even if you don’t like what you created so far, YOU ALSO GET TO CREATE YOUR NEW REALITY – THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO BE! And now you can do so more mindfully, deliberately and, skillfully…which freakin’ rocks!

Though in the end the choice is yours, getting to the place to be able to make a decision doesn’t have to be a solo trip. Ask for help. Talking things out with another person can be helpful, especially someone who is on your side but has nothing at stake in your decision (like a coach, a spiritual teacher, or a counselor). Just putting voice to your concerns may help you sort things out, and writing down the pros and cons will give you more clarity than keeping everything in your head.

You can also learn skills that help you make choices that are more clear, deliberate, and in alignment with your passion and values (check out this recording of the oldie-but-goodie Jedi Juice™ training call, “The Power of Choice – and the freedom of owning your shit,” here).

Getting some distance (emotional or physical) may make sussing out your options (and what you WANT) easier, especially if that distance allows you to see the reality of the situation, rather than the way you wish it could be.

Even with thoughtful consideration, not every choice will be the right one. But remember this:

“Wrong” decisions don’t make YOU wrong.

Trite as it may sound, one of the ways we learn is through the mistakes we make. And on the flip side, one way we build confidence is to take risks, commit to a choice/decision, and succeed, even if its after a few (or many) failures. We won’t ever have that chance if we don’t ever deliberately make a choice!

Not each of the choices you make will have profound effect on the whole of your life. But the ongoing and continuous act of making choices – in full awareness – will.

Making choices you believe in, choosing intentionally and with keeping your deepest values in mind, and taking responsibility for your choices – these are some of the markers on the road of living an aligned life.

What choices do you know you’ll have to make today? How can you enter into them with more awareness of what values you are saying “yes” to and what values you are saying “no” to?

Set the intention to be more aware of the opportunities for choice in your day today, and make them in alignment with what the real, authentic you desires.

Ana Verzone is known as the Soul Midwife™ She helps individuals awaken their lives and personal freedom with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly eZine goes out to thousands of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE 7-day Clarity + Courage Course by visiting www.claritycouragecourse.com

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Ready to dive deeper into this? Check out Freedom School and see what everyone’s obsessed about. It’s not just group coaching. It’s a mindset revolution that you won’t want to miss.

Top 10 Reasons Why Quitting Your Job During a Recession Can Be Perfectly Sane

staythecourseorrisksign

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”~ Howard Thurman

First of all, this article assumes you would leave your job because it sucks. It sucks for YOU. This does not apply to kick-ass jobs, of which there are many. And it doesn’t matter if another Jane would be totally grateful for the job you have. If you’re not totally happy with your job, read on!

Back in the day, having a job and staying loyal to a company meant something. It meant you would be earning a secure pension, that if you showed up and did your job, you could keep said job until your retired. The same went for other institutions our society had that brought us security.

Things like religion, marriage, real estate/stock market investments, and looking like we had our shit totally together without any flaws added to our sense of safety. We relied on, “Hey, if I work harder and act perfectly, I’ll be more secure.”

Guess what, Freedom Junkies? Things have changed. There is a shift where people are seeing that real security – real confidence – comes when YOU have control over your time, money, energy, and location.

People are realizing that these days you can remain totally loyal to your own job and still get fired because someone bought out your company. Or because they decided to hire someone who is cheaper than you. You can get married and then come face-to-face with the greater than 50% divorce statistics in this country. People move from spiritual tradition to spiritual tradition only to be let down by hypocrisy after hypocrisy.

Things aren’t as they have been, fellow Jedi. Or perhaps things are as they’ve always been, and now we are waking up to TRUTH. Either way: it ain’t all bad.

Here in my corner of the Universe, we like to create our own lives of Freedom, Adventure, and Purpose. Admittedly, this is a lot easier to do when you’ve created your OWN economy and security (although – as many of my clients would attest to – it is still possible as a {gulp} employee).

This doesn’t mean you need to quit your job! But it also doesn’t mean you should NOT quit it without seriously reconsidering the reasons of old-fashioned “security” either. You can create more true freedom when you have more control of your time, money, energy and location.

That, my friends, is true security.

Here are my Top 10 Reasons Why Quitting Your Job Is Perfectly Sane – if you’re in the mood:

1. Having a job is uber-risky. As one of my business coaches Christine Kane says, with a job, your life can radically change with two words: “You’re fired.”

When you create your OWN economy instead of relying on others for your paycheck, you have more freedom. When you know how to create money yourself, you have more confidence as well.

“But it’s a recession!” I hear many peeps say. Yeah, I know. But check it out: my biz is growing EVERY MONTH, people still buy iPhones, my clients have started their own businesses and are flourishing, my own coaches keep making more and more every year during this recession, plays and movies still sell out, flights still get overbooked.

Look around. There is abundance still. Just for different things. Pick a business that you’re passionate about, be kick-ass in delivering that high-quality product or service, and choose a niche that offers something that people want and need.

When you create your own income, you are able to adjust your income based on the value you provide. In a job, you can’t. Instead you have to ask for a raise. Not fun.

2. Life is short. You are going to die. Sorry to break it to you if you haven’t thought of that for awhile – or ever. But you are going to die and you don’t know when. So if not now, when? If not you, who?

You deserve to ENJOY this life. If you haven’t yet created a lifestyle where your fun times outweigh your “work” times, you at least deserve to have the 1/3+ of your life that you DO spend working doing something that lights you UP!

3. You don’t need tons of money to be happy. For realz. I know many of you think this is bunch of BS, but it’s true. Again, sorry to break it to you;) I traveled to dozens of countries making less than $14,000 a year, and even less than $11,000 some years.

If you have kids, a lot can come up in the form of limiting beliefs around how much you “need” to be happy and “responsible.” Well, I came from a family that made less than $60,000 combined a year and am pretty psyched, I have to say. There are plenty more like me who grew up without a lot but learned to create inner – and outer – wealth despite that. I’m not saying you don’t have to aim for earning oodles. It just won’t necessarily make you – or your kids – any happier.

4. If you have kids, they deserve to have a model of a parent who follows their dreams. My friend Stacey Pruim left her secure and successful corporate job to start her own business recently, called Systems Serenity. At one of our Mastermind retreats, she stood up to the microphone and exposed how scared she was about not being “responsible” enough for her daughters by quitting her job. Stacey is a single parent of two. Talk about the potential to have excuses not to quit your job!

In any event, despite the fear of being (or moreso, being “labeled”) irresponsible, she could not go on with her soul shriveling in her cubicle. She wasn’t happy at work – and this leaked into home as well.

Do you know what her daughters said when asked about this decision a few months after it happened? “Mom, you helped us realize that we can do anything.” Shazam!

Stacey is super successful, and has way more time, freedom, and money to be hanging out with her daughters being a kick-ass mom now. And guess who was at our latest retreat? Her 16 year old daughter who is starting to help her out in her business. Awesome!

5. The world needs more people who follow their passion Check out the quote at the top of this article. It’s true. You are a happier person when you do, both at home and in other areas of your life. You also inspire others to do the same.

6. You don’t have to kiss someone’s ass if you don’t want to. Enough said.

7. You get to focus on your strengths and not your weaknesses. Feedback at a job rarely focuses on your strengths. When you’re in business or in a truly good job, your weaknesses are delegated to someone else – either you hire them or you give it to someone else on your team who is really good at it, so everyone is playing their own strengths. And your confidence – as well as sense of security – grows.

8. Our new healthcare laws can provide you and your family with more affordable insurance in 2014. I hope you voted accordingly. Just sayin’. I had cancer twice and didn’t want to quit my benefitted job until I knew I could afford paying for COBRA. But that didn’t stop me. I still quit and have finally been able to get affordable healthcare as a “high-risk” person. Yeehaw!

9. You are creative. Many of us can make money in more ways than one. Go for it! Plus, your money goes further when you are self-employed. You can invest in yourself with pre-tax dollars!

10. You can wear whatever you want = You can create a business that supports your authentic self. I choose my business coaches because of who they are – not because of their slickness. Like with Christine Kane, whom I mentioned earlier – I like how she wasn’t a marketing guru slick dude, but she wore jeans and played guitar and speaks-a my language. I love Marie Forleo because she loves hip hop and cracks me up with her goofy antics and she’s wicked smart. The goofy antics may turn some people off – but they’re not her people. My peeps pick me for ME, not because I pretend to be anyone else. People will want YOU – and what you offer in the way only YOU can – too!

I  summary: I’m not saying to be stupid and quit your job without any kind of safety net (although some people out there would say to go for it even without the net). But what I AM saying is don’t use BS for your excuses. The key here is being very clear about what is BS. Not sure? Post below and let’s figure it out.

Have any of you thought about quitting your job or have actually quit your job? Please share it here and let the tribe support each other in creating our own freedom!

Note: For those of you that want to start a side-job for a bit more fun and inspiration or who want to go for it and start their own biz, I highly recommend my friend Chris Guillebeau’s new best-selling book, The $100 Startup. He’s the author of The Art of Non-Conformity, and more, and this book summarizes a lot of the basics you need to know to get started, as well as offering plenty of case studies to learn from. For my peeps, I’ve got super-discounted hardcopy editions for sale here. Shoot me an email (info@AnaVerzone.com) and I’ll send you one ASAP for only $13 – shipping included. Sahweet deal!

And in case you’re wondering – I’m selling and shipping at cost so not making any money on this. It’s because I believe in this book and I want my peeps to kick ass out there! (PS: Conversely, the link here to his Unconventional Guides site, is an affiliate link, so I do get to buy myself a shot of wheatgrass or something if you buy any of his cool shizzle over there- at no additional cost to you, of course! As you know, I only talk about shizzle I use myself to keep it honest and so you can keep trusting me.)

How to Travel on a Budget like a Bad-Ass – Freedom Junkie® Tips for How to Live a Life of Fun, Passion, and Freedom Without Going Broke

I’ve traveled a LOT. I’ve filled two passports in my lifetime so far (I’m 38), and one even had extra pages, which I’m really proud of;) In fact, the first passport I filled was when I was making less than $14,000 a year. It might have even been less than $11,000 a year but I’d hate to exaggerate. Learning how to travel on a budget doesn’t have to break the bank.

I started my independent travels when in college, on scholarship, working for the Outdoor Recreation Department at UC Santa Cruz to make a bit of extra cash. I was also a New York Times campus paper girl. Suffice it to say, I wasn’t rolling in the dough.

And I didn’t just travel. I danced naked at drum circles on the beach and howled at the moon. I somehow still ate sushi and drank nice wine. I went on full-moon mountain bike rides. I went to hot springs on ocean cliffs as the waves sprayed me under the stars. I climbed mountains and kayaked with dolphins. I surfed, and fell in love on rooftops in Kathmandu.

My life was pretty Badass – and stayed Badass even after I graduated and entered “the real world.”

I want you to know you don’t have to work your ass off for only a few weeks of adventure a year. You can live a super FUN life, every day, even on a budget.

Here are some tips I’ve learned after years of preferring time over money of how to travel on a budget:

Freedom Junkie Tip #1 Expand Your Comfort Zone

Many friends said to me, “I wish I could travel like you. I just can’t afford to!” I’d think, “What??? You make $60,000 a year! Or even $90,000 a year! (Or more!) How could you not afford to when I pulled it off making less than $14,000 a year?”

It wasn’t lost on me that I lived out of my Volvo stationwagon with prayer flags, and that my only utility bill was my cell phone.

True: Lifestyle and comfort zone count. When you don’t require your outside temperature to be in homeostasis 100% of the time, it’s much more affordable. It’s really expensive to do otherwise (e.g. “The Venetian” in Vegas)

What do YOU need to feel comfortable and have a good time? Do you REALLY have to have air conditioning all the time when its a wee bit hot out? Do you REALLY need to have Starbucks coffee wherever you go? Do you REALLY need to have feather pillows and hot water (even if it is 90F out)?

If so, plan on working a LOT to pay for short vacations, because it is pretty tough to meet those standards in most awesome vacation spots, so it will cost you a pretty penny. (Although I have to admit that my friend Chris Guillebeau has managed to do the 4-star thing on a budget too. That’s advanced, but learnable!).

When you expand your comfort zone, you have a whole lot of options that open up – and a lot of great adventures to be had as well!

Freedom Junkie Tip #2 Go for the experience, and not the things

A lot of people come back from vacations talking about how awesome their vacation was because their hotel had an infinity pool and they had a kick-ass flat screen TV and the weather was awesome. Those things ARE all awesome. However, if you can’t afford the TV or the infinity pool, know that meeting a local because you were friendly and social, then getting invited to a party by them, then eating new and strange food they cooked over a fire, and partaking in a neighborhood illegal lobster hunt (before you knew it was illegal), makes for a way better “No shit, there I was!” story. By the way, this doesn’t just happen while traveling. I had the best time in San Francisco – the city I was BORN in – when I ran into some people, socialized, and got invited to the $5 Party Bus for a raucous evening of live, mobile, performing art. My friend found was telling me about how he managed to go on a great trip in his caravan. He doesn’t have a ton of money but he got a great loan from Auto Finance Online. I’d say its worth a look if you’re interested in finding the right caravan for your travels.

Be present, and stop wanting to be doing something or being with someone or being somewhere other than what is happening right now. There is so much juicy life to be had in the here and now, so many opportunities for mini-adventures if we’d just stop looking past the present.

Freedom Junkie Tip #3 What to eat, drink, and buy

Don’t drink too much alcohol unless you budget for it. Alcohol is the most expensive thing in restaurants at home or when you travel. You can get an entire dinner in Thailand for $3 but then spend the same for a glass of wine.

Cook a lot and eat out less while at home AND while traveling. People who cook really well, making yummy simple meals, are badass – and people will think it is really cool that you can do it too.

Learn to LOVE – absolutely LOVE – beans and rice.

This is obvious but I wanted to remind you because people used to make fun of me for doing it as a kid: get your clothes used. In fact, get lots of things used. Don’t buy crappy used. Buy quality used. Shabby chic but the for-realz shabby chic. The pic of our yurt in Alaska – everything recycled – is to the left.

Don’t be afraid to eat street food when traveling unless you ALWAYS get really sick. Some people are constitutionally weaker in the GI tract. Go to the busy people. Street food is under scrutiny by locals as well, and locals know who has nasty street food or who doesn’t take care of or clean their equipment well.

Having said that, be willing to get a little diarrhea and not be pissed about it. Traveling to cool places means new cool bugs. If you practice general sanitation guidelines like washing your hands, carrying hand disinfectant (and using it), and drinking clean water, you’ll be fine enough. A tablet of ciprofloxacin 500mg will take care of most stomach bugs anyway. And Pepto Bismol is the shit. Ha Ha.

Beer is cheaper than wine. Stick to beer or the local moonshine, or go to the wine specials section and buy by the case.

Freedom Junkie Tip #4 Independent Budget Travel

I still employ a lot of the tactics I used back when I was less financially abundant when I travel now. I call it “Dirtbag By Choice.” Budget travel is more exciting to me, even though I don’t “have” to travel that way. And these days, I find it is also safer, as independent travelers are less of a target for mean people (like terrorists) than if you’re hanging out in a 4-star hotel (we were sleeping on a cargo boat in Timbuktu when terrorists came to a hotel in the city).

The most expensive thing about traveling to the places I go to is the plane ticket. After that, if border crossings are involved, it’s visa fees. After that, it’s beer.

Having said that, here are a few tips on budget travel:

  • Be willing to spend more on a ticket to travel someplace with a super low cost of living. I would save up and fly to Nepal for $1800, and spend $600 the whole month I was there. Conversely many of my friends blow $400-600 per DAY in Vegas or Hawaii. Or freakin’ Disneyland with kids. It’s even better if you can stay longer after traveling so far. I’d stay in Nepal for 3 months at a time. However, if $1800 freaks you out, or you can’t stay for longer periods of time, or both: you can get to Mexico on Alaska Airlines for around $300-400 fairly regularly. And two fresh fish tacos with yummy guacamole and a cold Tecate or Dos Equis will cost you about $5-6. Beach camping is free in many spots.
  • Celebrate that you can still eat, drink, and sleep well on a budget if you go to the right places. I could spend $400 a month in India while eating and drinking VERY well. Yes, I had to go face to face with cockroaches twice, and a rat once. But that is CHEAP! And know that in most countries, those things are in fancy places too. They’re just better hidden;) In Thailand I could stay in bungalows on the beach – ON THE BEACH with a wonderful fan, which I much prefer over A/C – for $15-20.
  • What if you don’t like to travel to developing countries but want to fly somewhere? Hawaii. You can camp. And cook over a fire. And rent your own kayaks instead of going on a tour. I went to Hawaii and spent: $300 plane ticket (Hawaiian Airlines) from SFO, free camping (or tops it would be $10/night), a bowl of tasty poke with rice $7-9, cook breakfast (actually not that cheap to buy groceries there, ironically!) $6. Car rental was $180 for the week (90), and gas was $120 for two, total. One week in Hawaii, all inclusive per person: around $640. I brought my own snorkeling gear.
  • Don’t travel at peak times. Avoid spring break, Holidays, etc. Look into the Holidays of where you are going too. I once went to Istanbul during Ramadan, which was followed by their Spring break. Domestic flights were booked for two weeks straight over my Holiday. You can view all domestic flights here if you’re interested in booking some.
  • Be flexible with your dates when buying plane tickets. A day can make a huge difference in airfare. I was going to fly to New York once and saved $350 by leaving a day earlier.
  • Get a frequent flyer rewards credit card and use it to buy EVERYTHING. And pay it off in full every month. Some people even get several rewards credit cards. That scares me. But I admit to having two, which I pay off in full. I earn at least 2-3 round trip tickets a year (to fly to the equivalent of Europe for each one, miles-wise), because one comes with a companion fare of $99 a year as well. I once bought a car on my credit card and paid it off the next week (I’d saved for it)…but I got the points!
  • Use airline consolidators. These are different than companies like Travelocity or Kayak. I saw a ticket on Travelocity to Dakar for $3200. When I called the consolidator, it was $1600. Now THAT’s what I’m talking about!
  • Travel WITH someone. Splitting things like cabs/rickshaws/meals/a bottle of wine is way cheaper. However, make sure they are trained. My boyfriend used to debate whether $3 more is worth it for an attached bathroom. It is if he wants to have sex. He now knows to not ask if I think it will be “worth it.”
  • Don’t go with a tour. Maybe a package deal can be worth it if they get good airfare plus hotel…but I tend to move a lot from city to city, so I never come out ahead with the hotel deals. However, I once bought a plane ticket/hotel combo to Baja and never used the hotel portion. The airfare was just cheaper that way. I know. Weird.
  • Plan ahead– tickets are always more expensive when you buy within 2 weeks…unless you’re like me and call last-minute and say, “Hey, I have 3- days off. Where can I go for super cheap right now?” Sometimes there are crazy-good last-minute deals, but you’ll have less choice about where to go. Vegas seems to pop up a lot…which is cool because I don’t gamble, but I do like climbing in Red Rocks. This also applies to different experiences you can participate in. For example, buying pre-booked tickets for a whale watching California experience would be more reasonable than buying one on the day. Plan ahead and you WILL save yourself money.
  • Use independent travel guides like Lonely Planet and The Rough Guide to help you do things your own way. Get on their forums and discover killer sample itineraries for wherever you want to go. People can even give you updated ferry schedules etc for cities you want to visit!
  • I sometimes get the itineraries from cool travel companies like Mountain Travel Sobek (who kicks ass, by the way – I used them for Bhutan because you HAVE to go with a guide in Bhutan and it was epic). Once you get their well-researched itin, you can then figure out how to do their itinerary on your own. Sahweet! I did a four-day itin in Cambodia en route to Bhutan from Bangkok. I planned a four-day layover in Bangkok before flying out to Bhutan. Their cost for the Angkor Wat “additional leg” of the trip? $650 per person for two or more, $985 for a solo traveler. Mine? $450-500 (with plane ticket). BTW I just want to point out – if you can afford Sobek, go on at least one trip with them. They are crazy good. And thanks for the itin tips, Sobek;)
  • Carry a mosquito net (if applicable) so you don’t have to stay in a fancy hotel just to avoid getting malaria. Plus, if you ever want to sleep on an open-air cargo boat like I did on the River Niger in Mali, you can do so comfortably.
  • Take second class trains and busses. You don’t need first class. It is usually freezing from out-of-control A/C in first class, and you won’t get to meet the locals. The exception is some buses, on which first class is the only way to guarantee your bus MIGHT have brakes (“guarantee” and “might”…oxymoron?). But in those countries, even first class is cheap. Third class is usually nasty – even to locals. I don’t do it unless I absolutely have to.
  • Be a woman. Once I met my boyfriend, my travel budget got cut (except maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought because we split things). I used to get so much free stuff. Flights. Food. Drink. Sailing trips. And no, I didn’t even have to have sex for it. In India, there are freakin’ LINES just for women. You can bypass 30 men to get in the lady’s line and get the last two tickets to Shangrila. Sahweet!

Freedom Junkie Tip #5 Camp

Sleeping outside is one of the coolest things to like to do. You can do SO MUCH for so cheap, be in stunningly beautiful places, and usually meet hilarious characters – especially if you’re willing to go a bit out of your way.

Learn to like sleeping on the ground. You will get to do much cooler shit for hardly any money if you don’t need a fancy bed. You can get a comfy sleeping mat, or better yet, backs tend to like firm surfaces, so you can try to learn to like something as simple as a carpet then more power to you! Most would enjoy investing in a really comfy sleeping pad if you need to. The super luxurious ones can cost up to $200+, but you’ll sleep like a baby, and you’ll save that in hotel room rates immediately.

Go to national parks: I buy a national park pass every year. $80 Unlimited admission to National Parks and Monuments (those can be $20 a pop!). Camp in the walk-in campgrounds so you don’t have to spend $20/night on camping. Or spend $20 a night on camping. It’s still cheap.

Check out alternative sleeping structures – some parks and tourist outdoorsy spots have SUPER nice things to rent out like yurts (that some with wood and kitchen supplies) which are really popular on the Oregon Coast, treehouses, fancy canvas wall tents…there are lots of new creative things to stay in! And most are quite romantic…at least for me!

If you have to choose, go for more time than money. There’s a saying:

On either side of the socioeconomic spectrum exists a leisure class

The luxury of time exists with the very rich or the un/underemployed. I fell in the latter for a long time (by choice). Not a lot of money, but a hell of a lot of time.

In my experience, having made anywhere from $11,000 a year to a super awesome 6-figure income, I had a LOT more time to have fun when I made less money. I have spent years learning how to make money AND have more time, but barring you taking the time to do the same, don’t sweat it if you are in a time vs money situation. If you have time, USE IT. Once you make a lot of money in the traditional sense, time costs more;)

(Note: If you don’t have a hell of a lot of money AND not a whole lot of time, we need to chat.)

Freedom Junkie Tip #6 What to Do

Do yoga. You will deal with all discomforts – mental and physical – much more skillfully and with more grace. Also, BONUS! : You’ll be much more comfortable sleeping on cargo ships and enduring long bus rides…and sleeping on the ground (which, as we’ve established, is uber fun).

Learn a little bit of the language and cultural customs wherever you go, even if that’s only a different part of town – and even it’s only basic phrases and simple niceties. When you travel – especially budget travel – you have much more interaction with locals, because pretty much the whole world is on a budget. Knowing their language will make interactions much more pleasant and interesting. Pictionary skills are awesome. And hand gestures. Get proficient at these.

Smile. Not only do people open their hearts and homes to pleasant people, you can get lots of free shit and at least avoid a lot of hassles by being pleasant, both here and abroad. As one Jersey cop told me, “You’ll catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar” Why he said that is another story;)

I’d love to hear more ideas about how to live a Badass Life on a budget. Please leave a comment below and share your ideas with us! I’ll definitely reply. Promise;)

PS: for more Über useful tips and beta on adventure travel on a budget and lifestyle-based businesses, check out Chris Guillebeau’s stuff like “Frequent Flyer Master” and his other programs. He’s all about freedom (like us!) and we speaka da same language. This is my affiliate link, BTW, because he and I help each other out. So I may get to buy a coffee on you if you use it, and it doesn’t cost you any more either. Sahweet 😉

Note: Ana Verzone (Neff) is a personal life coach, mentor and FreedomJunkie® She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Ziji Up! ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FreedomJunkie.com.

Do You Feel a Call to Adventure?

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“A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for.” ~ William Shedd

One of the classic stages of the Hero’s Journey is the Call to Adventure, where a person stops living an average life, the separation from society and life as you know it begins, and shit starts to get interesting. And check this out: it’s not just meant for Luke Skywalker. This journey is meant for you as well.

You are not here on this planet to be bored, to sit in front of a TV watching other people living epic lives. You are not meant to be wasting moments of your precious life slaving away for someone else’s dreams. You are not meant to spend all your time indoors safe and cozy and totally comfortable in an insulated lil’ life. Au contraire, mon amie.

Sorry to break it to ya, but you are a ship built for adventure, and if you’re in harbor, you’re going to hear this calling pretty damn soon – if you haven’t already.

What does this “call” sound like? Well, according to Joseph Campbell, it’s like a phone ringing. Isn’t that convenient?

heros_journey4_8462Unfortunately, it’s not always what I’ve noticed. Sometimes this call is a bit – ahem – less pleasant than a ringtone. Sometimes, this call to adventure manifests as full-blown panic attacks, night sweats, low-level anxiety that has you feeling things are not as they should be…a restlessness that can’t be verbalized that has you feeling you are not living your life to the fullest…but you don’t know what else you’re supposed to do.

That’s what I’ve seen it feel like – in myself, in my clients, and even in movies! There’s this flick I totally stumbled upon called Wanted, with Angelina Jolie and James McAvoy, and this guy has panic attacks and medicates himself to keep them under control…but you end up learning that it stems from the fact that he isn’t living his purpose, which is as a gifted badass spiritual assassin of sorts. He had all these superpowers pent up inside, and they were telling him to let them the hell out – in the form of anxiety.

You can see this stage in every epic story, like the Star Wars series (in particular, Empire Strikes Back – my favorite!), the Matrix, Lord of the Rings…but what we forget is that ALL of us – yes, all of us mere mortals – are called to undertake the Hero’s Journey.

Have you been hearing this call but ignoring it? Or have you heard it and taken action? The Separation that occurs with the Call to Adventure can be kind of nerve-racking, to say the least. But the coolest part is knowing that it feels that way because things are about to change – for the better. You leaving harbor is always, always better – because THAT is what you are built for.

I’d love for you to share your thoughts about the Call to Adventure, Separation, and what YOUR ship is going to do once it leaves harbor below. I read all of it, so know I’ll respond to you!

12 Things More Important Than Being in the Best Shape of Your Life

Fotolia_8429735_Subscription_L-194x130You know when people are about to turn 30, or 40 (or 50 for that matter), and they say, “This year, I want to be in the best shape of my life!”? I know I said it when I was turning 30…

What is that about, anyway?

It seems like many people with that goal are trying to prove they aren’t getting older. In hindsight, I probably need to admit that’s what I was doing. Like, “See! It’s just years! But really I am traveling BACK in time to back when I was in better shape than I am now…but even better than that, ya know?”

So they end up striving for – and maybe even achieving – that level of fitness. People can definitely achieve that goal – Supah Fit {Older-But-Improved} Badass. I remember a coach at a public school in Menlo Park, CA who ran a mile for every year of his life on his birthday. Yes, that means he ran further as he got older, and that guy was up to 62 miles or something when I last heard. That just seems mean – to your body.

But then what? What happens one you’ve arrived at that goal, if you ever do? Usually people aren’t able to sustain it at that level. It takes effort of epic proportions to travel back in time. And they are still 30, 40 or 50 anyway. In the end, you do get older, and your body can only take so many miles before your knees hurt, carry so many packs before your back aches or your muscles get strained. It’s part of this being-born-in-a-body thing. There’s only so much we can do. Sigh…

Having said that, you can feel great as you get older. That is a given, and it’s why I do yoga and move and treat my body well. But it seems that it really shouldn’t be about being in the best shape OF YOUR LIFE.

I heard humans may soon live to 120 or something. That means people will be playing this game in their 70s at some point. Seriously, peeps?

I understand the desire to have a fire lit under you to get in shape if you’ve let things slide. Most people move less when they are older because there are more things they have to do than go out and adventure and move – like clean the gutters, call insurance companies, mail packages, drive the kids to soccer practice or go to work and be inside for 1/3 of the day. In our earlier years we could play a lot more, and that kept us in better shape by default. Plus with increased stress we eat like crap and our body stores fat more easily, which doesn’t help the situation of not moving much.

BUT, if you’re one of those who wants to be in the best shape of your life, I challenge you to look at that goal from a different angle. For most, it doesn’t seem filled with much self love. It seems filled with criticism of who they are right now. That whomever they are right now is not enough.

And that is bad juju. Again, I am not saying to NOT have that goal, but rather I ask that you really look at the motivation behind it, because if you don’t have the self-love and self-ACCEPTANCE yet, nothing is going to make you feel better about yourself in a sustainable way.

Anywhooo…I almost fell into that trap. Hell, I used to be a climbing guide. I have that complex every freakin’ YEAR!

I actually had the time to achieve the best-shape-of-my-life goal this year. I only work 1/2 the year. And I live in Alaska where adventures and workouts – and the adrenaline freaks who egg you on – abound. But then guess what? I realized that turning 40 meant more to me than being in the best shape of my life. And I gave myself permission to feel that way.

I realized I have earned the wisdom to let go of all the crap that used to hold me back (yes, even after ALL this work, I still manage to get in my own way sometimes;), AND I earned the wisdom to want the things that will TRULY make me happy. Not just those things that prove I can travel back in time and beyond and have some mega-bod.

[typography font=”Cantarell” size=”24″ size_format=”px” color=”#ff00ff”]Here is what I’ve learned to want more than that[/typography] , because these things give me more FREEDOM – and that is what we’re all on this blog for, right?

1. Total love and acceptance of our body and of our being, who you truly are, the woman you’ve become, the mistakes you’ve made and the love you have shared. Your bitch-slap mode. All of it. Acceptance does not mean settling, though! (More on that another time) Letting go of guilt and Saying “No” falls under this as well. Guilt is a big freakin’ waste of time! Trust me. Don’t even argue. And when you can say “No” as part of loving yourself, no guilt is necessary. In fact, saying “No” helps you be more available and present to the things that really matter to you – like the people you love. So when you say no, it means you have more energy to say “Yes!” to something else.

2. Clarity and Ditching “Maybe.” If it isn’t a “Hell Yes!” it’s a “Hell No!” One of my coaches taught me this a LONG time ago. While it can be easy to turn away from things that obviously suck, it is much harder to walk away from a “Maybe.” Like a “maybe” relationship, or a job that “isn’t horrible,” for example. When we have clarity, what is a Hell Yes! to us becomes more obvious, as well as the Hell Nos! This makes decisions easier to make, and it is much more easy to flow into being in alignment in all parts of your life: your values, goals and dreams, the environment you are in, your career, your relationships…they are congruent with one another. This life alignment is what contributes to total and full happiness! And it starts with knowing what to say “Yes” to, and what to say “No” to.

3. Forgiveness Superpowers. The ability to forgive is so freeing! It pisses me off when I can’t forgive someone whom I know is truly sorry. This is a skill worth cultivating during your entire lifetime.

4. Low tolerance for toxicity  – Don’t put up with toxic people, places, thoughts, emotions, and things. I move away from these things more easily now.

5. Prioritizing my values and the people I love – and let the rest of life work its way around what is really important to me. When you prioritize the top 5-6 things that are truly important to you, you WILL have time for them all. Life will fall into place around it (read my blopost here about how to do this and why it’s completely true – I shizzle you not)

6. Healthy and passionate sex life. What can I say. It’s the glue that holds things together when the going gets tough. And when I don’t have that, I am in a very, very bad mood.

7. Connect with other people’s hearts, because otherwise I am pretty bored. I can go for a few months of just paying attention to myself, but eventually, I have to light up someone else’s life so that they can see how amazing it is to be ALIVE. Connecting with people authentically is a great way to light them up. Which brings me to my next point:

8. Authenticity as a mantra. This is me, baby. What you see is what you get. If I didn’t say I’m pissed at you, I’m not. If I say I am annoyed, you better believe it. If I say I love you, I mean it. I don’t throw that “love” phrase around. It means that in that moment, a huge welling up of love is happening, and I have to tell you or I just might explode. This authenticity means I cry easily sometimes. Well, a lot, actually. It means I cry when something is gorgeous, when something is devastating, when something is incredibly moving and blows my freakin’ mind. It means I laugh loudly and fully and you may want to wear earplugs. It means I am most honest with myself. (To get your Authenticity on, check out this month’s Jedi-Juice call).

9. Adventure and Freedom. Daily. I get bored otherwise. I can tolerate it coming every other day, but daily is ideal. That’s one of the reasons my soul mate is so amazing. He is pretty good at having adventures every day – big or small, inner or outer adventure – doesn’t matter to me. Just don’t let me get bored! And keep me excited and stimulated. Traveling is pretty good at fulfilling this need for me too;) And forget about having to ask permission to do things all the time. I want control over my time, money, and energy. I – like you – am a bona fide Freedom Junkie.

10. Movement and playing outside. More than being in the best shape of my life, I want to move. Move a lot. Play a lot. Move and play outside in the mountains, preferably. Move my body all sorts of ways, like when I do yoga, or do #6, or see a trail leading to somewhere new and I just need to peep around the corner…

11. Love fully, live compassionately. I sleep better that way. Live each day wanting others to be utterly ecstatic, and free from whatever is causing them suffering. Living compassionately means giving other the people the benefit of the doubt, even when it might be more convenient to chalking things up to them being an asshole. Trying to be joyful – instead of jealous – when someone manifests abundance in their life. This is part of becoming truly happy.

12. Healthy food and air and water and home. Because when I don’t have those things, I don’t have the energy to create all the things I’ve already mentioned above. It’s not about health – it’s about what health allows you to do! And be;)

Being fit is still important to me (that photo is me at 40! Heading off to climb the highest peak in Mongolia). But when I look at the milestone year of turning 40, it is not the utmost important thing on my list. And I certainly don’t feel the need to be more fit that when I was climbing mountains in the Himalayas. I’ve got some other mountains to climb.

If you still want to be in the best shape of your life, go right on ahead! I still exercise regularly and eat well and cleanse and work on my stress level … all that jazz. Just be sure to add some of the things I mentioned that may have resonated with you too, OK? It will be more…graceful that way. And be sure to love, LOve, LOVE who you are RIGHT NOW, no matter what. That’s the place to start.

What have you found to become more – and less – important to you as you’ve gotten older? Pray do tell below…

 

A Simple Scientific Fact That Will Unlock Your Happiness and Possibilities

Fotolia_8607343_Subscription_L-150x150I want to share this short vlog post with you that I made while driving down Interstate 5 in Oregon after the World Domination Summit in Portland. So many of us wonder why it is SO HARD to change. Did you know that your thoughts and beliefs are actual, physical, neuronal connections and patterns in your brain? Did you know that it’s not simply a matter of wishing things would change, but that you must actually DO things differently on a regular basis in order to physically repattern those neural connections?

Every time you do things the same way, you make your habits deeper. If you have negative habits and patterns, you need to do  – and THINK – differently to make lasting change.

This is full of hope! Now you know things are hard to change due to actual physical aspects of your brain that need to change – and not isn’t simply because you lack willpower. This takes time – and you can do it!

Warning: there are a few flashes of light for those of you that may be sensitive to strobe etc;)