Days 19, 20 and 21 – Freedom or Security? Duh.

I had a great past three days which were also crazy busy, so thanks for your patience as I catch up here! Lots of things went on…from skiing to gathering with friends to contemplating a Full On Change: selling my house in Ashland. A re-cap:

Day 19: skied at local mountain (aptly named Mt. Ashland)! It was raining in town, and I went uphill and it turned to snow. Skiing was awesome at our little mountain, only 30 minutes away. My telemark turns are getting better. My left knee is a little sore but still usable. And I slept supah well that night;)

Day 20: Pizza and Champagne Party at my friends’ house. AND I walked there. So much more fun than driving!

Day 21: Simplifying. Hmmmm. I am a big proponent of this. But I am not as good as I used to be at implementing this. I admit that have created a pretty sweet life. However, I think I have a few too many forms of shelter. Here they are (I apologize for the crazy layout. I can’t figure out how to get them to line up. NOT my Zone of Genius):

 

Archival image of my megamyd on a sea kayaking trip in Baja (during 911 BTW. Didn’t know it happened for 3 days!)

 

My kick-ass Marmot Thor 4-season tent…and my beautiful friend Kristen

 

 

A small but much-loved 480 sqft condo in Telluride

 

my sweet cottage in Ashland
And yes, I do consider my trusty Subaru Outback as a form of shelter. I love sleeping in the back of “Dapple”

 

 

 

 

 

 

So…embarrassing. This is excessive. For me, at least.

One thing that is very important to me is free time. That’s where so much Full On living happens! And when you have lots of “things,” you tend to have to work more, which cuts into your free time. So, I’ve embarked on a mission to cut back on “things” to help free up more time so I can play, love, and connect more often during my days.

I cannot do without my two tents. They serve two very important purposes…one is lightweight and the other is bombproof, and both help me play in the mountains. My Subi, Dapple, I still need to drive. Plus, all three of those are already paid for.

So I’d like to get rid of a mortgage. Who wouldn’t?!

I thought a long time about it. I’ve been thinking about it since last summer, actually.

The winner of the “I’m going to simplify” mortgage dump is (drummmmmmrrrrrollllll) the Ashland Cottage!

Do I HAVE to sell it? No. Would I get foreclosed on if I didn’t? No. Am I stressed about paying the mortgage? No.

Will I lose a lot of money? Yes.

So why do it? Because of FREEDOM.

Some people value security. Some people value freedom. Many people value both. I happen to value freedom more than the average Josephine. It was fun having a secure life for the past few years (did I mention only have had one full-time job EVER and that wasn’t until I was 34?). I showed myself I could do it. But now I am ready to have my freedom back.

And it is much harder to have freedom with debt. Normally a mortgage is considered “good” debt. But when you hang out thinking of ways you can be so much more free without the “good” debt, it doesn’t seem so good anymore. Tim Ferris mentions the freedom that a mobile lifestyle can give you is his awesomely-named book The Four Hour Work Week. I have understood that for years, which is why I intentionally lived out of my car for so many of them.

So, I called my realtor today, and decided to put my home on the market. I’ll eventually look for a property I can get without a mortgage, or rent a sweet little place for a while. But in the meantime, the money I lose from selling my place when the market is what it is doesn’t seem so bad. I think about how I’ve had a lovely place to live for the last few years (rent would have gone to someone else anyway), I will still be able to be here with my friends and community, AND I will have more freedom to work more or work less, connect more, have more meaningful moments instead of “having” to work to pay my mortgage, and my life will be more…simple. More options open up.

I realize that many would not choose this, and usually for them security or not losing money is more important than freedom. And that’s cool. It just makes a good point of how one needs to know what you really value, what you really want, and what living Full On looks like for you. This needs to be CLEAR. That way, your decisions are much easier to make, and the path to take is more obvious. Its so much easier when you know yourself and what you want (and don’t want)! (BTW you can download my free Getting Clear Guide to Your Ziji Life by clicking here).

I also reminded myself I don’t HAVE to sell it. I am in a very good place. If this starts to feel like the wrong decision, I’ll change my mind. But I have to start somewhere. My being is screaming GIVE ME FREEDOM! and I must heed its call. Always remember you have a choice. Always remember you can change your mind. But NEVER let fear stop you from taking action. Fear is different that instinct and intuition. More on that later.

Full On.

 

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FreedomJunkie.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call on the Law of Attraction at FreedomJunkie.com/jedi-juice

Days 17 and 18 – I Almost Picked a Fight in Lingerie But Didn’t

Living Full-On Every DayMany of you know me as a life coach at my company, Freedom Junkie. You may not know that I am also a midwife, and when I am on call, it is easy to feel Full On when catching a baby, but kind of hard otherwise. You have to stay close to the hospitals (so no hiking or bike rides or skiing), no vino or other excessively fun things, and if you decide to have sex, you better be ready for that pager to go off at any time. Dancing is kind of the only things I can do with reckless abandon when I’m on call, but none of that was going on until 10pm. So…I decided on the sex. THIS lady was going to live Full-On every day.

Even though my partner and I were both exhausted after traveling a bunch and now working a ton, and even though I had a runny nose and wanted to simply curl up and go to bed, I thought, “What the hooha. Might as well live it up.” I rallied, put on that piece of lingerie you see up there, blow dried my crazy hair, and cooked my man some mushroom risotto. He was working hard all day too, and being half-Italian, I knew he’d be psyched for it. He came home after his long day and had a huge grin after walking in and having the scent of onions, garlic and olive oil fill the air, and seeing me in my cute lil outfit being all domestic and shit (I’m not your stereotypically domestic Stepford Wife, although I DO love food and wine).

We ate happily and I poured him some wine and he laid back on the couch, all things content…and promptly fell asleep. Not just dozed off. Like…uber crashed out.

“WTF?!”

No, it’s not a skirt…it’s a freakin’ dress!

Did you know that we humans pick fights when we’re too happy? WE DO! It’s an example of an Upper Limit Problem, a term coined by Gay Hendricks (you can read about it in his book The Big Leap). I was about to do that. Yes yes yes I was going to brilliantly hide it behind the guise of “sharing my feelings,” but it was really going to end up as a conflict of sorts. I was about to get all sobby to the overtired man I love and complain that I felt unloved and unwanted and I wanted to go to sleep too but I didn’t and for fuck’s sake I was wearing a skirt as a dress and I’m not feeling bloated for once!

But I didn’t. I knew better. I knew that he was tired, and he is hardly EVER tired. In fact, I usually look forward to him being tired because it confirms for me he is human and not some bionic athletic machine 100% of the time. I knew that if I said something in the way I was about to say it, it would not serve me, or him. I knew he loved me and wanted me and would have not fallen asleep if he hadn’t worked hard all day for several days and burned 6000 calories a day for the past 2 weeks with less than 8 hours sleep a night (yes, that was vacation).

I knew I was tired and feeling particularly vulnerable and sensitive and I had a few too many cups of coffee which didn’t help me not feel tired – it only made me feel tired but with enough mental energy to madly spin the anxiety wheels in my head so I thought of the 101 ways I could have been sexy enough to keep him awake. LOL. We humans are so freakin’ crazy. Well, I guess I better just speak for myself.

In any event, I decided that I would go to bed, and if I felt strongly about it the next day, then I would say something.

I am so glad I did that instead of get all crazy in my lingerie.

I woke up to his bionic arms around me, sweet kisses, an apology for falling asleep, a promise to cook me dinner tonight, and him radiating love and appreciation like no other, even as I felt him walk out the door to work. And one of the greatest things about him is I know he follows through. On everything. So yes, I felt good about all that.

And I was proud of myself (and grateful!) for knowing that just because something makes me uneasy doesn’t mean someone else has to fix it all the time. That doesn’t mean to hold things in and walk on eggshells. It means to first notice what’s going on, decide what’s important, what I’m able to do about it, get to the root cause of my icky feeling, and if all that isn’t clear, wait until it IS clear.

Full On.

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Freedom Junkie ™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by signing up at FreedomJunkie.com! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training at FreedomJunkie.com/jedi-juice

Day 5 – Downloading

Today I hiked up Table Rock and checked out some vernal pools as we watched the sunset. I made dinner for my best friend and her partner, and had a few evening hours with my man to talk about some deep stuff.

I have found that a good way to describe living full-on is a lot about not avoiding things. It is about turning towards, and not away from. More on this later. I am going to download more about this while I sleep tonight… which reminds me of this (LOL):

Shit New Age Girls Say

Sweet downloading!

 

 

Day 3 – Full-On Vulnerability

Today I woke up with a message from my partner saying he’d be coming home a half day later than planned. He’d been backcountry skiing in Bend for a few days. The snow was awesome, the mountain was beautiful, and he was enjoying exploring. Awesome for him, right? But what came up for me was surprising.

You see, I’ve been cheated on in a past relationship. Once (as far as I know). And even that was something I thought would never happen to me. I had always been blessed with trustworthy people in my life, and my partner is no exception. I felt for the most part healed from that, so even though I knew I was over-tired and not in the best mindset, it was still disappointing and somewhat sad to see a shadow from that show up again. I admittedly had the thought (albeit fleeting) that perhaps he was with someone else, someone more exciting. And they were having a stunningly beautiful time together. And here I was sleep-deprived after a delivering a baby in the early morning, feeling alone because it wasn’t me. Even though there I am, in that picture over there, backcountry skiing with him not too long ago.

How fucked up is that?

Very.

I felt guilty for even thinking it. And who knows…maybe if I wasn’t trying to live Full-On every day, I would have let the feeling and thought go unnoticed. So, today I am living full on by being transparent about how messed up my silly head can be at times, how vulnerable little things can make me feel, and how uber normal I think it is.

I did my Jedi mental juju and arrived at the deep knowing that I needed to allow myself compassion, to be patient and heal, and that the pain of those nerve endings growing back (I’ve coached a lot of women healing from c-sections) didn’t mean my fears were true. I know that I am loved, worthy of love, and that my man is truly amazing and trustworthy. If I hadn’t noticed that feeling, this tenderness towards myself would have been a missed opportunity, not to mention the reminder of my deep appreciation for my man.

And in the end, in the final cozy Ziji resting place, I knew that no matter what, I’d be fine. So I could go ahead and breathe, and let go, and make the most of this day. And be really happy for him. And look forward to his return. In the meantime, it was time for me to find my joy, my backcountry ski mountain, my fresh pow for the day.

I had hesitated in writing about this because, ya know, I’m never supposed to be scared. I’m supposed to have taken so many freakin’ workshops and graduate courses and for fuck’s sake I had cancer so get over it, right? (sorry, I do swear a lot when I talk about the Big C). But I figured we all benefit from hearing other’s soft spots.

Whew!

Note: Ana Neff is known as the Ziji™ Mentor. She helps individuals awaken their lives, their businesses and their success with radiant inner confidence. Her monthly Ziji Up! eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting www.Ziji Life.com

Day 2 – My Kick-Ass Bucket List

Today I’m going to add a bit of my Kick Ass Bucket List to this blog, especially because it is part of the February 30 Day Ziji Up! Challenge. I’m trying to come up with things to add that I MUST do before I die. I’ve often thought about these things and said I’d like to do them, but not yet committed to them! I want these things to light a fire under my butt to get out there and DO it! Today it feels easier to come up with some of the bigger travel adventures I’d been dreaming of. But I am sure that the deeper, inner risks of living Full On will pop up soon.

Because I am giving myself prophylactic permission to write short entries, I’m only adding 5 things before I sign off:

~ go to Antarctica

~ travel by bike through the Gobi desert

~ write a book (or two+)

~ live in a foreign country for at least 6 months (as an adult…this was done in my 20s but I didn’t fully appreciate how cool it was because I was usually cold and hungry, albeit happy)

~ do a yoga and surf retreat in Costa Rica and/or Brazil. With massages and acupuncture and fresh smoothies…the whole bit. I did an awesome one in Mexico a few years back, and really would like to experience one a bit further away.

As for the rest of my day so far,  I’ve gone for a run even though I had every reason in the book not to, and taking care of myself is a big part of living Full On. AND I started a cleanse, which I will faithfully follow until I head to Telluride, Colorado next week, which will give me every reason in the book not to;) What kind of cleanse? In short, no alcohol, dairy, gluten, caffeine, sugar, or processed foods. I feel uber good during and after, believe it or not.

That’s it for now…I need to get my yoga on!

PS: Here’s a link to my Ziji article about writing Your Kick Ass Bucket List, in case y’all would like to do one yourself! http://www.zijilife.com/your-kick-ass-bucket-list

Note: Ana Neff is known as the Ziji™ Mentor. She helps individuals awaken their lives, their businesses and their success with radiant inner confidence. Her monthly Ziji Up! eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting www.Ziji Life.com

Day 1 – Living Full On, Every Day, for a Year

Hey hey!

Here I am. Starting Day 1 of this epic challenge, and I am a bit nervous – yet also super psyched!

Today I lived full-on by getting this blog up. Taking on this challenge acknowledges – very publicly – that I believe it IS possible to have at least one moment, every day, of living full-on, being fully present and fully authentic.

Oh yes, there are naysayers. There are those who told me my whole life that my positive philosophy was rose-colored and not “realistic.” That if I “really” experienced the “real world,” I wouldn’t be so optimistic.

Yet when I found beauty as I slept by my dying father, honored to midwife him to the other side; or when I marveled awe-struck in the depth and complexity of feelings that welled up from a broken heart, grateful for the spectrum of human emotions; or when I sat silently next to a fellow human who lost their child in labor and felt the powerful connection and compassion between two humans fully present with one another, I knew I was right. I felt that Ziji – that radiant inner confidence – in what I believe.

It is all a part of a full-on life. Feeling it all, fully. Living it all, fully. Knowing what you want, fully. Receiving it, fully.

Here I walk my talk. And I also open up to the possibility that I may not be able to do it every day. But my goal is to inspire you…to find that moment in every day and to have more and more of them. And I’d rather at least try than not do it at all for fear of failing.

Well, here we go. 365 days of real.

To Your Freedom,

Ana

 

 

 

Note: Ana Neff is a personal life coach, guide and FreedomJunkie™ She helps individuals awaken their lives of freedom and personal success with confidence, clarity, self-love, and passion. Her monthly Jedi Juice™ eZine goes out to hundreds of subscribers. Her Full-On 365 blog posts stem from her commitment to living full-on, every day, for 365 days in a row. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can learn more about her coaching programs and download  her FREE Getting Clear Guide by visiting FreedomJunkie.com (note: it’s new look will be up to rock your world soon)! Sign up for her next FREE Jedi Juice Training call on the Law of Attraction at FreedomJunkie.com/jedi-juice

Full On™ 365

Join me as I commit to living full on, every day, for 365 days. For me, Full On™ 365 isn’t just about adventures like climbing, skiing, and traveling to remote places (although those stories will be here too!). It is also about the challenges and rewards of living authentically, life’s misadventures, heartaches, and everything in-between.

Here’s how Full On™ 365 came to be:

After returning from an adventure in West Africa, I was excitedly recounting some of my wild and whacky stories about motorcycling through Mali and thwarting kidnappings and a murder in Timbuktu by 4 hours when several of my colleagues asked, “Do you write these stories down somewhere?”

After I heard this a few more times, I was initially inspired to start an “adventure blog” about living full-on. My peeps wanted me to make it a travel blog of sorts since I’ve been racking up the frequent flyer miles lately. However, I realized that for me to feel inspired about it, it would have to mean more to me than sharing my travels, however amazing they’ve been.

As you may or may not know, I have had cancer – twice. One of the biggest lessons I learned on those journeys was a realization that I am more than who I am when I am living full-on Nat Geo-style adventures. Prior to this catalytic experience at the age of 30, I had felt worthy and alive only when doing really epic things (I was an international climbing guide – click the button below to learn more if you’d like). Most of these were at least mildly dangerous in very real ways, and often were moreso.

People loved hearing the stories. I felt excited and excit-ing, and life was very Full On. But it was cheating. Like adding butter to everything. Of course it tastes better with butter! That’s why I LOVE it! Of course people loved my adventurous life, and so did I! It’s easy to when it involves dramatically remote and beautiful places and near-death experiences (oh, the irony…).

But what was underneath my adventures that was of substance? What…endured?

Being diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma was the first experience I’d had where I was scared and couldn’t simply rely on being able to “power through” it. It was the first time I had to admit that I may not succeed, and the consequences of this were overwhelming.

“What if I didn’t get better?” “How can I feel alive and worthy without having to do these epic and dangerous adventures?” The Big C was dangerous enough, thank you very much.

So I had to come up with a new definition of what it meant for me to live Full On. I realized it meant taking more inner risks, to live my purpose and connect authentically with those in my life, to be willing to disappoint others to be true to my self. And many other things.

This insight led to an insatiable desire to spread the joy that comes from knowing confidently, radiantly, who you are and how you want to be in the world, and the peace that comes from living Full On, inside and out. My life coaching business, Ziji™, was born, and I developed Full On™ coaching to take people there faster, because I had a very real understanding that life was too short, no matter how long.

The blog entries for 365 are about me committing to live Full On not just in outward epic adventures, but in the inner ones that challenge you to live with no more excuses. I invite you to join me on my journey here as I attempt to walk the talk, every day, for 365 days.

What matters most to me is that it might inspire you or someone you know to do the same, and live a Full-On™ life.